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Calm down! Calm down! Calm down! - I said myself – the words are coming, the veils of dam that stopped the flow of words from the subconscious damn river were broken. The shivering hands that seldom write a sentence will write a book in one swivel – I consoled by anxious, fast beating, palpitation-suffering heart. I know this body, these hands and heart, these cells and muscles are not you – I read my own thoughts – this life has become a burden; a immaculate gigantic mountain over the weakening shoulders. The weight over the shoulders had started breaking the vertebra and making me a hunchback before the mortal humans.
The fables that were taught – somewhere in the far distant high there is a God sitting and watching, the deeds and morals, dogmas and guidelines has become oil over the burning soul. The preaching to look inside, the universal force that drives the lives, the result of big bang inside every atom has only added weight to the shoulders! The realization that I was something else arrested inside this very body – I read my thoughts – has become painful.
I couldn’t advice but – there is a feel the flames up and down that I have to get out this house that hosted me – wait, who the hell is me if this body is not!
It feels like tearing my own body like caterpillar and fly out like a butterfly to taste the honey in every haven flowers – I feel the perplexity inside me – but what is that that will get out of the caterpillar skin? Is it the life that blooms out of the soul that pops out! I wonder! Which is the animal? The one inside or outside? Which one should be euthanized; I know that that dangerous cold blooded animal was wounded seriously.
Or, should I wait for some hands to break open the shell and take the pearl out; Oh the pearl! The drop that came from up above and arrested inside and become precious with the years. Is the pearl our atman? The Danjayan, that which could be captured not, smelled not, but was arrested inside somewhere in the head and leaves only after the life leaves the body; the resurrection!
This feel is heavy, heart crunching, muscle scorching, and skull breaking; Ignorance is Bliss!