Friday, March 30, 2012

The Impact, the dog, my fear

                  It was a black dog, huge, almost the size of a well grown sheep, rigorous, ferocious, crossed me running. He spoke to make me astonish, “I will not spare you”.  How come a dog speak! I stood in wonder, immediately a fear occupied me – I will not spare you – these words are the reason for the fear.  It is taller not than me, stronger not than me possibly, then why this fear occupies me!  When I was thinking and thinking again the reason for the fear, he turned to me and started running towards me ferociously.  I was stunned and shocked, unable to move my legs to run, he came too close to me and jumped aiming my throat, suddenly I heard a weird sound too loud which made me to wake up.  Oh! It was a dream, I was sweating may be because of fear or may be because of the long power cut and my inverter was about to die so that the fan above me was struggling to swirl, which made such noise.  It was 4am then. 
‘Ridiculous’   I thought.  This was possibly the impact of the book ‘The Pilgrimage’ by Paulo Coelho which I loved, where a black huge dog, with which the author had to fight, was portrayed as the messenger of the dead souls (Legion) or simply a demon.  Oh! What a notorious, malicious impact it has made on me. 

Power supply was back, thanks to Electricity board.  I slept again but my heart was pondering.
It was by 0745am when I got up again.  I was suppose to catch my train at 0840am so in a hurry burry I started and rushed walking to station.  Since it was late I was pushed to take the road not taken, a short cut path to reach my station.  It is a deserted way surrounded by bushes.   I rushed walking through the path and I stopped suddenly looking at what was before my sight.  I was shocked – I saw Legion – a black huge dog, more ferocious than what I saw in the dream.  He looked straight at my eyes constantly.  Oh! Should I fight with him alike the author of ‘The Pilgrimage’ ?

‘Oh! No, I am neatly dressed and I could not fight’ I thought, as if I will fight with him if I am not dressed neatly.  A huge fear occupied me; I was not able to move.  I want to run but I know that dog will taste my flesh if I run.  I was not able to move forward because I was not able to guess what that dog was thinking.  I do not know how to tell him that I was not his enemy. 

Now it was the time for me to apply what I learnt in the book ‘The Pilgrimage’.  I looked at the dog without fear (as if) and slowly walked towards him.  I sensed that even he has some fear looking at me so he didn’t move.  ‘Use the fear of your enemy’ I remembered.  I walked slowly and I neared him and I could hear grrrrrrr sound of him to make me more fearful but then I cannot run, I was too close to him, tranquilly I crossed him.  He didn’t do anything after crossing him, I wanted to run but then I didn’t had any guess what he will do if I run so I kept my tranquility and walked slowly then increased my walking speed and reached my station in another 60 seconds.  I was sweating, and consoling me ‘all is well’, after few seconds when I thought what all happened I was happy that I overcame my fear. 

‘A good impact of the book’ I thought.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

A Miniature Teacher

Dark black leggings and white sleeveless top, with dark big green dots all over the top; dressed a fairy in disguise.  I missed to observe her for a long time in the train compartment on my way home.  I was almost mesmerized by the Paulo Coelho whom I was holding in my hand, ‘The Pilgrimage’ – first book by Paulo Coelho, renowned author of ‘The Alchemist’, I often mention him as ‘Mr. Interesting Freak’.  Paulo is my favorite author because his wave length matched mine.

Okay, back to the scene:

When I was with Paulo (reading), two giants, who were mesmerized by the black-magic they drank, came sat near me. It took few minutes for my nostrils to realize the nausea smell of the black-magic, but that’s ok, that didn’t disturb me much since I was in my own world with Paulo.

In the gap between the page turn, my saccades shifted from the book and I saw this fairy.  Beautiful Alice came to my mind suddenly (Alice of ‘Alice in the wonderland’).  She was in her father’s arms, and he was struggling hard to fight the crowded passengers.  I looked at him for few continuous seconds and when he looked at me, I called him and gave him my seat, just to make that little fairy comfortable.  She should be in her 2 or 2.5 probably.  I stood; started reading again but the cute little fairy pulled my saccades to her beautiful dark, glittering eyes.  I suspended ‘Mr. Interesting-Freak’ and started observing her.

Looking at her I was wondering who taught me the so-called religion.  Who stamped my mind that I belong to the religion called ‘Hindu’ though I do not know what it is all about and why does it persist.  Who taught me to assume that if someone wearing a cross, I should categorize them as a Christian and someone with unshaved long beard or a lady hiding inside a black sheath (oh! One more question! Is black a sacred color?) Is a Muslim or at least who taught them to follow this?

That little fair, does not know all these things, which I know and got spoiled (sacredly).  My miniature fairy, my little teacher, taught me what is life should look like.  She was comfortable on her father’s lap, nothing to worry about, and nobody to care about.  A newspaper in the hands of a passenger sitting by her disturbed her.  Immediately, she dragged it, smashed it.  Oh! Only she could do this, and that is what I wanted to do when the same newspaper came between my eyes and the pages of my book.

She started playing with her father’s fingers, started at anybody she liked (only she could do that) and smiled at whomever she felt like smiling at (which I most of the time do not do, though the person is close to my heart).  Now she attracted everybody’s attention with her screaming, laughing, crying and she became a celebrity there.  Oh! Given a choice; whether I want to be a celebrity or this little fairy,  I would opt for being this fairy.  For no reason everybody likes her, a father to comfort her in all her discomforts, a mother to feed her, sooth her.  And she talks no language, no signs she knows but everybody could understand what she want to convey.  She conveys love in a matter of second (which I was struggling for a long time), she did only what she liked and for her alone (which I believe, none of us does), she love the entire environment because she doesn’t know what is right and what is wrong, she do not know who as to be assumed a good and who as to be a bad (which we always do, for 0/0 reasons).  
In fact that’s the life everybody should lead or at least I love to live.  We keep estimating others, assess other which give 0*0 satisfaction.

One of the giant got up from his seat to give me seat (since he needs to get down).  I sat next to her, started talking my language to her, which she hardly understands.  I gave my book; she refused.  I tried to kiss her; she hesitated.  I tried to play with her; she didn’t respect.  After ten long minutes of trials to win her love, I was tired and stopped the trials.  I opened the book and started reading.  Two minutes passed, I felt as if a soft, softer and the world softest flower has fallen on my thigh, O! What a feel it was!  When I shifted my eyes on the place it has fallen, I saw her kutty(little) palm on my thigh and her beautiful fingers scratching my jean.

What a feel!

It was already 10.00pm and she didn’t look like sleepy, her energy level was too high, may be because she does only what she love.  “Mr.  Interesting-Freak, what you have taught me in your very long books, my cute little fairy taught me in minutes” I thought holding the book in hand.   Possibly the books or Mr. Interesting-Freak taught me to grab the lessons from her.
Life is interesting only when it teaches something interesting.  When this little fairy grows she will be feed with her religion, caste, creed, color, differences, ridiculous deduction system, and she will be tied inside a black sheath called burkha.  I pray, let life give her the best of best, the happiness.
Talking about this cute little fairy, I remembered my little-bit-big fairy,  my girl(I was not suppose to say this, because she is not mine till now)

‘Hey! My girl, my love,
You didn’t accept me to be in your life – that’s ok,
But give me a chance to win your love,
As a baby born to you, I want to feel your motherly love
Which you’re missing from me now.. ‘
What teachings you have for me! 

Monday, March 19, 2012

First flight (2/2)

First flight (1/2) : 

It happens with all of us I guess; when we fear something it looks as if everybody talks something about it, aha, and certainly not to reduce the fear.

I was sitting, waiting, watching, wandering but time seemed to move slowly.  In the meanwhile few politicians crossed with securities surrounding, a newly married couple, and some funny passengers dragging their bag on the floor.

Cloak finally showed some courtesy and ticked 0700pm, I moved inside from the waiting hall.  In the flight arrival and departure display screen, it showed the flight delayed and expected departure is at 0830pm.  Everybody, who supposes to board the same flight I suppose to, crowded the paramount attendant.  He was patiently answering his customers and wore a fake smile in his face.  I felt hungry; still I waited for flight and food in flight. 

“There is air craft maintenance happening, so we do not have flight to fly now and also the pilot who suppose to fly, is in Cochin airport, so a flight  from Chennai to Cochin will take the pilot to Chennai from where the pilot needs to fly to Trivandrum to take you all to Chennai” said the attendant

Oh my God!  It looked very complex.  My first fly would be sucked I thought.  Still I kept myself waiting meanwhile all old passengers (I mean not traveling first time) started shouting at the attendant.  And for my wonder a pretty girl, out of angry, used F-word to him.  Attendant, was very patient, I could see him literally crying but kept smiling even at the F-word.  I still could recollect his face and reactions.   Looked funny but it was a very sad situation for him.  May be he could have faced this lot many times.  Time went very slow, nothing much to look around or may be out of fright I didn’t see anything interesting around.  Time ticked 08.20pm again crowd gathered around the attendant to inquire about the flight delay, he called somebody and after 5minutes he said the flight is delayed by another one hour and thirty minutes.  So flight the departure time could be 10.00pm.  Tension increased in the air and my stomach started asking something to rejunuvate its flesh.  Meanwhile kingfisher flight got canceled and all passengers started leaving the airport, kingfisher airlines arranged a hotel for them.  So I concluded that I am not going to fly today.   Time passed, and when it was about to 10.30 the same fake-smile attendant said the air craft is on its way to Chennai so the pilot will fly back to Trivandrum before 11.30pm.  As if a small piece of flesh is thrown in the middle of the hungry tigers, He stood in the middle of the crowd and patiently listened to all screaming’s and I didn’t even feel like talking to him because I could see silvery tears which hasn’t come out of his eyes, thou he kept holding his smile. 

11.30pm: the attendant announced the air craft is on its way to Trivandrum and confirmed the departure time as 12.00am.  Now I started imagining what all going to happen if flight if it starts by 12.00 and how will be Chennai react to me when I reach (if you didn’t understand here on what Chennai will react, please wait for few more line)

12.00am:  I saw the dirty air craft which looked almost like a bull redesigned.  When I stepped in, a girl in her professional air hostess (the profession which I never ever prescribed to anybody) black dress, but looked like a devil in disguise (a beautiful devil to be frank) welcomed me inside and smiled.  Probably I was the one passenger who smiled back at her.  She said ‘Vannakam’ and ‘Namasthe’ to welcome me in.  Probably she would have had confusion whether to say ‘good evening’ or ‘good morning’ since it passed 12.00 am.  The Ambience was not so good (in fact bad) I searched my seat, sat and was wondering what next.

Everybody got settled downed.  Two air hostesses stood in the way, between seats in ‘attention’.   I was wondering ‘what is happening!’ One air hostesses picked up the announcement mic and started on how to blow and use the safety jacket, oxygen vent etc., bloody beautiful devils don’t scare me I thought.  Air craft was about to start, an announcement from the air hostesses sounded to fasten the seat belt.  Now I was cautious not to do a mistake here as I many Indian movies has this funny scenes with the seat belt and co-passenger laughing at.  Hmm! Tough time ya! I pulled my seat belt which was lying between my seat and the next. 
“Oh! What happened?” my co-passenger, sitting next to me screamed. 
“Hey, nothing I am just fastening my seat belt” I replied
“Oh fine, but that’s mine” said my co-passenger pointing his finger at the belt I was trying to pull
“Is it, dim lights” I said.  He didn’t reply anything. Thank god.
When the flight was about to start everybody took a piece of cotton and dumped it in their ears, I have seen this in movies but then, I thought it’s just to avoid noise.  But, suddenly my ears went numb the moment flight took off.  I was not able to hear anything for a while; it persisted till the plane was in its inclined motion. And it was alright when the air craft started its flat travel.

“Since it has already crossed midnight, we are not going to provide you food” announcement from the air hostesses
“O! Gosh.  I am not going to forget this travel for my life time” I thought
“But” continued the announcement “we will provide you snack”
We have been provided with sandwich and a fruity (If remember it properly)
Oh! I forgot something I still didn’t remove my tie.  But then I thought let it be I could give a genuine look at least. 
Flight reached Trichy airport in another 45 minutes from there it started to Chennai. 

I was given a feedback sheet in which I marked excellent to everything like hospitality, service, ambiance etc., and in the comments column I wrote “after long time I was this much hungry, now I have blur vision because of my hungry, so do not believe whatever I ticked about”
Flight reached Chennai airport by 2.00 AM.  I hired a cab to reach Chennai central station in another 25 minutes.  Neatly dressed, a small bag in hand, and a tie and it is mid-night.  Everything mismatched Chennai at early morning.  I walked into station to sit in a waiting hall chair and take a nap since the first train starts only by 4.20AM.  The very moment I stepped inside the station a police man screamed “Hey, where are you going?”  When I turned he was walking towards me.  Sweeping his stick in air he said get out.  Oh My God! Where will I go?

I came out, stood in the road for some time, my legs started aching since was tired and sleepy, so I sat in the road till 4.00AM (for which I was waiting my clock to tick) and finally entered into station and go into the train, train started and I kept telling myself “do not sleep, do not sleep, do not sleep” and with that lullaby I slept.  Somehow when the train reached my station I got up.  I reached home by 6.30am, early morning.  What an experience, finally I made it (bull shit, if I have taken train from Trivandrum, I could have reached the same time more comfortably).  Anyways I could smile thinking about the moments which screwed me.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Stuck in love..

You came into my life
An fix for my problematic code
If you can really feel
How much I miss you,
You will not take
A Minute to tell me
‘Love you’

Telling you
‘I love you’
Is just a matter of a second!
This makes no sense.
I wanna you to
Sense how badly
I am mad on you

My restless clock ticks,
Without a stuck – but
I am stuck in the very second, when
I was closer to you,
looked into your eyes,
said sorry.

It is said: Heart is controlled by God – and
all other parts by brain. O!
My heart ponders the moment you cross
Love! You control my heart - and
my heart controls my brain – to
think nothing other than you.
Do not use my heart - as
the scabbard for your silence-sword
I am stuck in love – and
You between my lashes
I am not in love with you -  hey wait!
I am searching 'I' in you
Can not understand?  - Oh! I know 
you will take time. 
I said
I am lost in you.