Rashmi…

What do you want me to do when you shine like a diamond thrown on a black clothe? Close my eyes and go blind?

Among many mortal livings, I heard only your spells to amaze me how is that possible to hear your voice alone that too when you maintain always a distance from me! 

You lifted you brows to make me feel the escape velocity of beauty from your eyes, shrunk your forehead to give me the vision of the most astonishing lines of lyrics of beauty written in the language of angels. Nodded your head, I know you’re not calling me but I am attracted towards the opposite pole and in to the magnetic force of your loveliness, you shook your head to bounce me to heaven and hell, in that very moment I shook my head along with you mesmerized by your gestures.

I was thrown hard to hit a hard rock and blown away to space and to come back to earth without a scratch, all that which happens in fairy tale happens to me because of you, my fairy. 

You throw your hands in the air and light up the air with your magical croon and all those around you like the guards of the queen without whispering a word admiring you with your croon. 

Mortal humans, one by one, started disappearing in the light which started spreading in the room.  The glittering of the light was too heavy; I could see no one but you, only you.  Oh it is too heavy I could not open my eyes fully, tears gathered in my eyes but I will not allow it to roll down because I filled my eyes with you, with the light you spread, I won’t  allow it to roll down. 

Rashmi – the intense beam of light, the beam of love and beauty that you spread all over my universe which makes me blind and give me the vision of just you, making me forget about all the earthly materials spread around the physical world and sometimes makes me to live in the fairy world transports me to the trance state and live with you, embrace you, kiss you, feel you, love you and live you.

When the Rashmi consumed every being around living me alive with love, I see your broken wand with which you spell the miraculous chant to put me in a state of trance.  Is it is you who put me in such a state or it is me who practicing hypnotism!

Look straight into a point, one constant point, which does not move.  Keep looking, keep looking and keep looking and suddenly everything around you gets blurred, diminished to leave just that one lovely point you’re looking at.  You move to a state of concentration, and when you start concentrating you move to a state of trance, universe will shrink to that one point – a good exercise to practice hypnotism and that is what I do looking at the crown of your broken wand – the mole – and I get hypnotized.

My universe shook for a second, the Rashmi suddenly disappeared and I was on my nerve when to get disturbed in middle of my hypnotized state, it is somebody shaking me to get an answer for their question so I replied a fake yes controlling my nerve.

Do you think just the tissues is that I want so that you hide behind some mortal tissues avoiding my eyes! Or do you think I am practicing witchcraft – I am sorry those things are nothing to do with love.

My angel noticed that I am hypnotizing myself with her gestures, I guess, she thought I am trying some black magic.  She stood and walked away collapsing my universe in a second, stabbing me with a ray – the Rashmi in disguise – of her angry sight. She took my vanity along with her footsteps, which brought my heart between my lashes.

It’s just not the love which makes me write, but it’s my angel who walks along my veins, sit in my heart like an queen –of course it’s her regime – living me no space for someone else to accommodate, order me to do whatever she wish me to do, crosses the abyss and flies swiftly in my nerves system and suffice my brain to pour out the love in the form of words.

I will stay guarding your regime, thanks for ruling it my angel.

Connect to your Guardian Angel

Not often I do this; I sat in a dark place where chill air embraced me and I called all my guardian angels to listen to me.  It was a prayer, confession, outcome of pang.  I spoke in my voice as if they were sitting next to me and listening to me – in a bit louder voice – but yes, I know they were listening to me.  I called for help from them all, to help me get out of this pain which was a resultant product of love, the collateral damage which the eternal love I hold has given me as a gift.   I know I can talk loud as I can since no one around me and no mortal lives around me to listen to it and admit me in a mental asylum.  I myself, in middle of my conversation, thought weather have I gone mad! Am I an insane! But the conversation though looked insane talk, made my heart light.

We mortal beings listen, but we listen only what we want to listen.  We take things to our data center only what we like and we act as if we listen to everything had interested us.  But my guardian angels listens to me like a mother listens to her baby she is carrying in her.  Only a mother knows what the baby talks and feels though there is no language, she could understand because she is the guardian angel of her womb. 

My guardian angels listened to me without even attiring a word back but such a listening capacity only guardian angels have, I wondered.  I was talking as if somebody is sitting physically next to me and I was conversing with them and I totally forgot that I will be at risk if someone takes time to watch out for me.  Goodness there is not one around and it is dark so that nobody cared to take a look at me.  I kept talking and talking for around time which I really didn’t calculate. 

I wondered to my guardian angels how she – my angel – is carrying such a weight of beauty all the time, one of my guardian angels laughed and said that is why she is an angle.  I asked my guardian angel who laughed at me to take my life and guard her – my angel –all the time where ever she is around.  She replied ‘I will spare your life take care of you angel, my blessings’.  Oh! Is that is what my guardian angels wish, I could do that but my angel too should wish that she too need to bless me with the love in return I said.

Another angel smiled at me and said ‘dear, you are wasting your time waiting for her to reciprocate her love’.  That reply shocked me and I was bit put up with melancholy.  ‘…watch out, love is fathomless and you should love your angel with that fathomless love, though she cares to care about you or not it is your love which should be around her all the time, allow the Goddess time to reveal by herself she holds the answer for all the eternal questions of love.  Wait till she reveals herself and allow her to work on your fathomless love, by the time you will be put under testing like the gold to reveal its shine after getting rotten in the sacred flame.’

‘…keep your sacred longing burn in your heart, it's sacred like pyre which destroys the mortal tissues and take the soul to a level up to meet God.  You will have your time to show up all your longings to your angel then she will understand and if she didn’t do that like she did in all your previous incarnations wait till the next incarnation and give it to the goddess time to reveal herself, anyways if you have to wait till next incarnations of yours then feel lucky that you loved your angel more than anybody could do. But I bless she understands you shortly.’

Things looked awkward and weird but I believe all those words because it’s my guardian angel who spoke.   Thought it is tough to hold the longing for a long time, birth after birth, it’s for my angel, my soul mate, broken part of my soul, lovely creation of the creator, feminine part of the creator, the result of my soul search.  We sometime need to allow the time to reveal its secrets by itself instead of deciphering things.  Life is interesting only with the hidden secrets of time which revels and excites us sometime and makes us astonish many a time. 

There was a silence which prevailed to make me register everything in my memory and it was the command of all my guardian angels to spread these words to the world.  All the souls which search for its other part are interconnected with a virtual neural network of this universe and every guardian angel wants to convey this message to every soul which is in search, but we often do not listen to our guardian angels which as answers to most of our questions, but we ask for advice to an another soul which too is in search of something else.

And now do not search your guardian angel in this materialistic world.  They come to help you from the world of love, all they know is love and all they want is to love, and all they wish for every human is to love and love each other, only by the mode of love we could reach our soul mate and will feel that even that soul too is in search of you.  Every human being can connect to that world of love where guardian angels rest.  Wake your subconscious up, you will get connected to that world in a millisecond and you need not search for your guardian angel there, they themselves reveals them and come for your help.

It’s the love which turns the world and moves in its path and it’s the love which keeps the sun in a distant so that earth grows crops rather than fire.

Beauty Dot

For the very first time when I said that I can drown in this waterfall and die she smiled with all the beauty that goddess of love relinquished to her.  It is something she carefully cleansed and I caressed to get cleansed.  Many a times it overflowed on my lap the times I played with it and mesmerized with the spell of her broken wand, and that’s the wand which holds a crown in black, the only crown in this world which is black and beautiful .  I told her when she was resting her head on my lap – like a child on her mother’s lap, back home from play – here the omnipotent had kept a dot for beauty.  She smiled and said no that is just a mole.

And yes I can drown into that waterfall and die, she smiled.

Centuries passed, and the omnipotent still haven’t had an idea to remove the dot and the waterfall’s still glows in with its beauty.  How will I make her believe all these! She will seldom believe.  

The waterfall, it’s in the other side of what the shameless moon often saw and felt jealous.  No light entered into it and its shiny black which flows through the softest of soft steep.   When the breeze enters it, it sprinkles the beauty, sometimes it drizzles elixir to earth.  When it sprinkles its beauty in air I go crazy about it, I want to caresses it, and I want it to flow in my lap again.  

‘How can it bet shiny like your broken wand dipped in honey and how can it be smooth sounded like the spell your chant on me.  Its softness mesmerizes me’ I said – she was still in my lap.

It is the beauty she carries with her all along and only I know she was carrying it for centuries.   …since I met her, since I loved her, since she cared me, since she caressed me – beauty that she carried with her, long black shiny light proof waterfall.

I liked it the most because there is a similarity, when it moves in a direction it means she is moving in a different direction and that is what she does to me too.

Every diminutive sting of it was carefully made with the love of the mother darkness who gave it her color and the light of mother thunder who gave it her shine and mixture of goddess of love and lust who gave it her beauty.  No wonder she should have such a vanity.  The vanity that worn me in to pieces of love.

The wonderful creator who cursed her with all the astonishing beauty to its height in her and that broken wand – my favorite – no alternative wand created so far by him and the shiny waterfall to which no falls could be substituted. Finally he ended up with a full stop for beauty on my enchantress’s wand. With these all curses He blessed her with vanity and cursed me with eyes. 

Oh No! I need to relax, it was eating my brain, and I keep thinking and thinking and thinking of something which I could compare with the beauty she hold, with the beauty with which she kills me.  I least found one good source to compare but I hold a thing which I could compare with, my love I hold in my heart for her.  I know it’s the only thing to which my enchantress could be compared with.  

And yes I am ready to drown into any waterfall and die, if she spares a smile at me.

My Soul and Soul mate

I heard the sound of the footstep growing louder in the steps, I stopped.  In fact I did not realize that I stopped, and the reason I stopped I know not. It is the beat of the broken piece of my heart, the other pole of my heart – which always repel.  Every minute cell of my mortal body has frozen, but my soul was heated up with what it was searching for centuries.  I know my soul mate is around and my soul know she is its mate, the soul which could make my soul complete.

 I was on my knees; she was standing in front of me with no smile, no angry but with all doubt of this world.  I tried all possible ways to prove her that I am no wrong but none worked.  Tears rolled downed from her eyes I took my hand to stop it, she hesitated.  She looked beautiful even in that dark night, a night filled with the love of full moon.  The moon seemed no white, no beautiful to me and my enchantress standing before me looked thousands times beautiful than that moon because she glows by herself not like the moon which kidnaps the light from the earth.  She didn’t believe me, not even for one single beat of my heart.  She thought it’s just tissues or muscles or cells which slept in my ribs and how did she fail to know it never slept and it’s the shadow of her heart.  I touched her finger; softness of a new born, freshness of raindrop embraced me.  She pulled her hand away from me and wiped her tears.  I bent down to her foot and kissed her just to tell her I do not have any ego ’it’s your lips or foot it’s all sacred for me, I do not have any ego’.  She drew herself back and turned away from the moon which so far embracing her with its shameless lights.  I caught her hands, she released herself from my hand and started to walk and when she walked to a distance I shouted ‘believe me’ and by the time she stopped and turned to me, my dagger used my chest as its scabbard she came running towards me and all I remember was only that few steps she took running towards me… 

I do not know when this happened, and in my which incarnation but I know after that that incarnation came to an end I was longing for her for centuries and so far she didn’t realized that it’s her  who had not believed me and she was my half soul and she repels still.  I do not know what the mistake I was trying to prove her that I am no wrong but she; my soul mate.  

I promised her that I am walking away from her sight, now I could not turn to look at her; I dwelled in to complete silence my urge to turn and look at her increased rapidly but I do not want to do because I might hurt her with my saccades.  And I am right it’s my soul walked down from the steps the same lady whom I kissed in her foot to apologize, to tell her that I have no ego which she didn’t believe then and I believed even now.  I walked few steps and turned to look at her walking.  The same walk of beloved, my enchantress, the Venus, my soul who walked releasing her from my hand. 

I felt like going on my knees again, kiss her foot and tell her ‘I still love you, I am born again for you” and ask her “tell me what happened after the moment I stabbed myself?” – All these things are goanna happen not.  She walked with the same agony, thousand virtual swords torn me in to pieces.  I wanted to shout ‘believe me I am you and you’re me’ and use my chest as the scabbard again and see her come running towards me.  I can wait for another incarnation.

I quickly walked since I promised her I am walking out of her sight but forgot to tell her that that promise is just for this incarnation or until she breaks it.  

I was in an total tranquility, nothing seems to move around me but the image of the moon, my angel, my dagger came to my mind again and again as if it has happened yesterday but I know that had happened and even if that is goanna happen again I will be ready to take another incarnation.  A calm pang caressed me along with the light cold air of the night, I want to cry like hell, shout the same shout which I did before that death.

I laughed.  But I laughed; I do not know the reason.  With all that pangs, I laughed like an insane and I now know it’s not the tears alone the outcome of pain, sometimes the laughter.

It rained...

Certainly these are not my words I do not from where this comes, blessed by love or the almighty; anyways it’s one and the same.  But all those words, my dreams, are scattered like the sprinkled water on the rose buds though I could gather them still it is not complete.

It is not her fault to hold a rainbow in black, may be of the creators.  And an arrow, sharpness to its most, carrying voltage in thousands, came striking me and I believed air conducts electricity.  I know the arrow is from that rainbow.  That invisible arrow which stroked me made me blind, numb.  I tried very hard to open my eyes but it was painful.  I opened my eyes and it was euphoric I was floating in a lovely blue sea, I am not swimming still I am floating and moving.  Never saw such a wonderful experience of floating in a sea.  It was very cold there, very low in temperature and I tried to swim with all my hard effort but it looked very easy to swim and consuming not any of my energy and allowing me not to dwell into any of the fear of water.   I swam in that euphoric for miles to gather, the feel has nothing to compare with, I never heard about such a sea in this mortal world.  What is happening with me was a big question but I cared my least, it was soothing.  

Miles after I swam it darkened, I thought sun is goanna rest and lovely moon is goanna come up.  It darkened still I do not want to come out of the sea; I searched for the shore but could not find in any of the thousand directions, it did not bother me because I was happy.  I didn’t see any sun resting or moon dawning.  Where am I? Am I still alive or swimming in the heaven? Those where the questions which I could answer not but I was not worried about the answers because I was happy, alike what a mother will feel in her first breast feeding, what a father would feel in his child’s first kiss, alike a girls pondering heart in the first caress with her soul mate, shadow after a long walk in sun, water after years of thirst. 

I slowly swam in that sea.  Out of joy I could not control my tears; I then slowly closed my eyes, as slow as clouds embrace.  Tears rolled inside my lashes. 

I tried opening my eyes once I was consoled and when I was able to control the most euphoric moment of my soul.  It rained.

Sun light hurt me; I was standing in the same place before I was pulled into that sea.  I realized what had happened – for the very first time she saw me, I have fallen in her eyes.  It rained.

I could not control my emotions to the situation and I want to hold my tears which were trying to jump out of my lashes.  In the quest to stop it I closed my eyes and it rained in my cheeks.  It rained.

One second…

It ran in a ravine which is very narrow, faster than light, furious than a panther.  The ravine was totally empty, filled with emptiness; the one which sped in it has no name and no color, no odor.  The ravine twisted, twirled. Its speed doubled abnormally and the tissues sticking the ravine vibrated.  It started from the convexity which absorbed the beauty which made that nameless, odorless thing to speed in that empty ravine.  In half a second it reached its destination; a place reason for everything, a place which knows everything, a place with holds all the past, present and images of the future – the devil is in the detail.  

The next half second I was at the cliff of a tallest mountain peak, which is fathomless below.  I slowly moved towards the edge, slowly alike a snail.  One step more I will measure the fathomless.  I want to step that one-foot-more to fall and fall into the dumps, to never come up, to break every part of my mortal body, to stop the shape-of-the-difficulty which pumps the red water all over the body carrying the air which I inhaled in the name of God, in the name of love.  I didn’t moved, but all my veins, all my nerves – the ravine – had taken that step forward and virtually everything had fallen into the abyss during which they plucked my shape-of-the-difficulty – my heart – along with them to throw it into the abyss. 

All these will never take more than a second.  An unknown ruthless beauty which spares me not, with a mesmerizing fragrance which nostrils seldom feel, nerves seldom conducts to the brain, but heart slips a beat for it.

 

Deep in the abyss, heart – the shape-of-difficulty – still beats and slips one beat in-between for an immortal beauty, the love.   Abyss was not filled with animosity; it is a trance world where I am immigrated to, to see my angel holding my hand and fly in the romantic air, where there is nothing called pain, nothing called sorrow, nothing called sin but crush is goodness, lust is godliness, kiss is the door-knock to this trance world.  

In another one second something rolled me into a ball and thrown me out of that abyss which I never want to come out, I was traveling at the speed of light which should thrash me into pieces but didn’t because in trance world it is the lowest speed I travel. I was back thrashing this mortal world. 

All this, everything, happened in one second, a trance second before I realized what is happening with me – she walked crossing me.