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Calm down! Calm
down! Calm down! - I said myself – the words are coming, the veils of dam that
stopped the flow of words from the subconscious damn river were broken. The shivering hands that seldom write a
sentence will write a book in one swivel – I consoled by anxious, fast beating,
palpitation-suffering heart. I know
this body, these hands and heart, these cells and muscles are not you – I read
my own thoughts – this life has become a burden; a immaculate gigantic mountain
over the weakening shoulders. The weight over the shoulders had started
breaking the vertebra and making me a hunchback before the mortal humans.
The fables that
were taught – somewhere in the far distant high there is a God sitting and
watching, the deeds and morals, dogmas and guidelines has become oil over the
burning soul. The preaching to look
inside, the universal force that drives the lives, the result of big bang
inside every atom has only added weight to the shoulders! The realization that I was something else
arrested inside this very body – I read my thoughts – has become painful.
I couldn’t
advice but – there is a feel the flames up and down that I have to get out this
house that hosted me – wait, who the hell is me if this body is not!
It feels like
tearing my own body like caterpillar and fly out like a butterfly to taste the
honey in every haven flowers – I feel the perplexity inside me – but what is
that that will get out of the caterpillar skin? Is it the life that blooms out of
the soul that pops out! I wonder! Which is the animal? The one inside or
outside? Which one should be euthanized; I know that that dangerous cold
blooded animal was wounded seriously.
Or, should I
wait for some hands to break open the shell and take the pearl out; Oh the
pearl! The drop that came from up above and arrested inside and become precious
with the years. Is the pearl our atman?
The Danjayan, that which could be captured not, smelled not, but was arrested
inside somewhere in the head and leaves only after the life leaves the body; the
resurrection!
This feel is
heavy, heart crunching, muscle scorching, and skull breaking; Ignorance is
Bliss!
