The wait was quite interesting. The Sun was scorching unusually in the end of September and my back and the bottom was hurt by the long non-stop drive to Chidambaram. My mother and I were sitting in a dilemma to move on or to wait for the temple to open. Half the mind said go on there is another couple of hours of drive to make but the other half said… quite nothing but to wait. I know that it is not just the mind that is asking to wait but the urge to see the energy that was knocking the doors of our heart sitting inside the closed temple. The urge to experience the call was high and the calling from inside was very high. So we decided to sit and wait for the doors to open. The time was only 3.30 afternoon and the temple is set to open only an hour after.
Thillai Kali – the name of the Goddesses or in
an understandable name the pure cosmic energy from where everything was
created. I remember people calling her
the queen of all dark matters and few explained her as the black hole. Few explained that Kali is the energy that holds the universe or from where all the
unfathomable energy came from. You can
keep relating her to the big bang, the darkness of the universe, the emptiness
of the space, the relentless nothingness from where everything came from. You can say anything until you experience the
energy!!!
The Sun heated up the body and mind but
reminded us to stay put patiently for the energy inside the temple wants to see
you! And then it was ten minutes before the
close stuck 4.30 pm the doors were opened and we went inside and there was
another big door the main door of the shrine where the idol of the Goddess is
placed was kept closed. The bell rang and my mother told me not to stand
directly before the idol when the doors are opened for the energy is high. I quite didn’t understand what it is so I
decided to do the very thing she said not to do. If it the energy is going to kill me let it
be!
The doors opened and there was she was sitting
motherly, gracefully, facing east, colourfully decorated with flowers and
ornaments. Nothing happened.
And then someone said everybody to move on to
the Kali. O! This is a different form of Kali I am seeing and to see her as Kali we need to go further!!! We walked to left side of the temple and
turned towards east again to see her in white saree and decorated only with
Vermillion – The Kumkum. My heart rate
increased and my legs went week. I could
not close my eyes not could take my eyes of the idol of her. The something nameless pulled and pushed my
body at the same time. There was a
certain vibration at the back of the head and it was painful. My guts become
loose, shoulders tightened; muscles went stiff and could hear my own heart
beats.
The experience was very strange for never
before have I experience such a powerful energy. Most of us are all only half theist and the
other half always questioned the power that is above us because most of the
stories were recited again and again depicting the God in the form of human and
not in the form of energy.
Mother Kali was full of red on her white attire
leaving her eyes alone. The statue
brought it a pure fear in my heart, the reason was perplexing, I was in at the
border of fainting for my back of my head was hurting and felt like a ton of
weight was placed over my head, may be it was the first time I was experiencing
such pure energy. As and when we
progressed towards her, the fear diminished but the weight over my head increased
becoming unbearable and at the same time doesn’t want to walk out from
her. Strange energy!
The palpitation become quiet the mind was at
tranquil the weight was still a weight but didn’t hurt anymore – I was standing
closer to Kali. The rage in her weapons
she carried and the blood read vermillion, her bigger open eyes, the aggressive
energy all were still there but… but something else too was there, looking at
her closely at her eyes there was the most gracious, lovable, motherly,
beautifully womanly source was revealed; the source of all energies, the most
aggressive and most dormant, the most rigorous and mother all at the same time.
It was wonderful, unfathomable and exuberant power that takes only pure love
and surrender to understand. Until you
ask more question of its existence, until you stay in perplexity the power or
the energy of Kali – The Everything – is unattainable and difficult to
understand.
