Trance

 

I’m in trance now after drinking from the cup of tiredness and gulping the wine of drowsiness.  The poetry doesn’t come, the story doesn’t get better, my heroine is not smiling, my protagonist is not crying – nor doing anything but the words come.  The words come one after the other like a drop following the drops from the clouds when it rains.  No, it is not drizzling but it is a down pour, cats and dogs. Oh, what should I do with those mosquitoes that sucks my blood and the lashes that wants to cover my eyes but the fingers that wants to keep typing words after words.  I have nil patience to read what I have written neither anybody but I write for I will die if I keep those content in my mind and my brain will burst and head will blow into two thousand pieces; the two hemisphere thousand each.  My stomach is bloated with the food I ate for dinner which just added more wine to the body in trance.  How could one explain the state of semi-state of sleepiness.  How many know that this is the state of ecstasy, you control your sleep and sit alone when the entire body wants to fall down anywhere and in any corner of the house and sleep, just sleep and do nothing. It is the state of ecstasy the god like state where you realize nothing is so romantic than sleeping undisturbed. O! Everything and anything you write in ecstasy make more sense for it is the true you that writes from within, it knows no lies, no dogmas, no moral, no ethics but the state of just being. The metal that rotates over my head, the blades that spines the air to keep me away from sweeting is one other tranquilizer that sings lullaby with the acoustic of the electromagnetic force.  I have no idea of writing more than five hundred words so I look at the bottom of my computer screen which gets increased slowly when I was normal but now, I see it is running wild.  I know I have to stop at some point of time and go to sleep for I cannot stay drunk with this drowsiness for a longer time.  It feels blessed when this word software underlines the words and sentences that needs correction with a comma or space to give or a space to delete, but now it is annoying.  There were lines and lines and lines in blue and red to correct, who cares.  It is not me who is writing; those are not my hands that is writing, it is that Indian or Greek or Egyptian God for writing who is putting words in to my mind and driving me crazy to type and type and type.  I am typing with my eyes closed for I care my least what I type as the divine that is responsible for writing is sitting on my lap and writing.  Okay Sir Mr. Lord of the Words I want to sleep please get up and get lost until next time for it has already crossed five hundred!!!

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What - Words - mean to me!

 

What does “Words”, all those I write, planned to write, wanted to write, imagined to write or missed to write, mean to me!  I was wondering on my way to a Gnana Sakthi’s shrine. All the words that bloom in my brain were like the panorama that I see through the vehicles window, it changes, come back, alters with the angel sometimes blurs and darkness.  That is all it is! Nothing more! I was pondering until I reached the womb of the shrine where the Gnana Sakthi stood effulgently in the twinkling oil lamp.  There were two kids not more than 5 and 10 whom I didn’t see until they started singing, I realized more than humans the Sakthi, the unbridled, uncomprehend energy, was listening to their song, the voice, the music and the words.  Music is a confabulation between the human heart and the energy that was wide spread in cosmos like the Om sound of the universe but words make it more meaningful; is it not!

 

What does “Words” mean to me?

Words are my confabulation divine, negotiation with the evil, my perplexion about world, stick in the hands of Jesus, flute in the hands of Krishna, a sojourn in a tiresome journey.  I was still standing before that Sakthi.  The song and the lamp arati brought tears in my eyes for reason unknown, unexplained, and inexplicable.  I understood that that is what “Words” mean to me, an inexplicable reason that brings tears in eyes, melting of the soul, that drop of tear, the devotion, the fear of superior energy, the love on ubiquitous omnipresence.

I walked out of the womb of the temple to sit and continue to contemplate.  I saw a couple circumambulating the temple, she took the vermilion powder and applied in his temple (Temple! You see!) a nonverbal communication that you are my love and he bent down to understand it, a surrender.  That is what “Words” mean to me, a surrender, an understanding between hearts, an untamed love, unconditional compassion, the love!

My stomach growled in hunger so I walked into the place were Anadhanam was offered.  When I was waiting, I saw an old man shouting for stopping him in line as the room was filled with the first batch and he looked at me and consoled me saying that the food will be there for us, don’t you worry, they wont talk home the left out (sarcasm).  That is what “Words” mean to me – anger, anxiety, sarcasm, unventured horizon of the future, and that hunger, and finally that consolation.

I remembered Mahakavi Bharathy’s poetry to destroy this entire universe if a single person is not offered with food.  That is “Words” for me; the compassion towards empty stomachs, communism, rebellious thoughts, the sword in hand, the war, the fight, the wounds, the desperation, a cry, a longing!

I ate – stomach was full and got back into the vehicle and a trance swept me like a breeze to take a nap.  That too is “Words” for me… forget everything and take a nap, fall into dream of something sweet, the cushion comfortable seat of the vehicle, the acceleration that give thrill and the wobbling that sings lullaby are all words for me.

                                                                                                                                SK