It was almost a week passed since I have started my penance for this year’s Sabari Mala pilgrimage. The state of being in penance is not easy nor the pilgrimage but one thing that stays wonder to me is that the state of mind that was waiting for this period of the year though it was a lot to stretch for the body; may be the soul wants to go back to the dense forest where it lived in free will or the power source sitting over the top of Sabarimala – Sri Dharma Sastha – is the real soul of the cosmos and we are just its representative caught in the illusion of normal life. I’m no venerated soul to come to a conclusion but the connection is so strong that it pulls us to its place – His Place - though it is not a cake walk.
Unlike last year it was not easy
days before and after wearing the sacred Thulasi Mala. Days had showed me Pain in the mind and body, insults, angers,
perplexity, intimidation and what not! The
golden rule is to control your anger which was tested and I think I breached
the rule. The next is love for all, the empathy and compassion towards every
soul around but I failed even in that. Ayyappan had put me in situation wherein
I lost my compassion and empathy.
I was worried about the environment and
people; I was complaining about the situations in which I was put on. Maybe I was expecting supreme respect from
the people around just because I was wearing the sacred Mala and I was in penance.
My Ayyappan had decided to teach me
humility, compassion and love so He wanted to test me by putting in situations
wherein I had choices to stay patient or go wild. I know I didn’t get through in His test but I stayed
in between that state of being serene and becoming an animal. I hope that I get a just pass mark from my
Ayyappan.
I realaxed once after I came out
of those situations and I saw His light in my daily prayers. It was dust over
the mirror that shows you as a venerated person or an enlightened soul and only
when the divine intervenes and pour water over that mirror you will see your
real face! This journey is not searching something outside us, not something
exist there calling you to reveal itself.
This is a journey that take you internally, realize the something that you
were searching is not outside but deep inside you. This pilgrimage ends in a
place where Sri Dharma Sastha, my Ayyappan sits on top of Sabari Mala to
enlighten that what you have came looking for – Sri Ayyappan – is you, inside
you. The divine light, Makara Jothi is
not on top of that mountain but inside you – Thathwamasi!
