Swamiye Saranam! It has been a week of this Austerity, of luxuries,
though not hundred percent but somewhere near fifty. I though it was a spiritual journey but spirituality
is only part of it, I guess. This is a
test, a process that questions your ‘self’, your ‘ego’, your ‘perseverance’, your
‘humility’ and what not! This period of
austerity will disturb the internal being, belief and patience but that is the
real test for devotion and love.
I would not say that I am a devotee of my
Manikandan and I believe any of the pilgrims to Sabari hills will say that because
it is something more than that. It was the
pure love for that divine toddler sitting in Harivarasanam at the top of
Neelimala, unbridled urge to see him.
When that love overflows from your heart the world looks different, the
birds will no longer be afraid of you, unknown strange dogs will come to you
for petting, cows on the road side will come to you for your touch. They somehow know your internal overflowing
love and you see everything as Ayyappa Swami.
I was talking to friend on the side of the road
and within a minute a cow walked by and looked at me as if we know each other
for years. She was very close and I don’t
know what she was expecting, at the same time I have no heart to wave her away
so I fondled slowly on her temple and on over her vertebra. I felt the unspoken love she had shown for me
and she understood my love for her. She
was there like a mother standing with her new born; I felt that warmth of love
from her. She shook her head as if
blessing me and left.
The difference in air, the change in
environment all these I’m trying to put in few words to explain how it feels
like to live with the love that divine kid sitting at the top of a hill and
calling us with pure compassion. Call it
has writers block or incapable of putting emotion into words, I will humbly
take it because I don’t know to be honest on how to convert those tears into
words, to convert that pull towards him into sentence. Now I know what every devotee says to him
with tears and compassion – “come home with me, I cannot leave you hear and go
home” – so did I.
SK
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