These days, before I start writing something I analyze, reanalyze and think about all matrix and finally drop the plan of executing things, because, these days I am more concerned about the ‘likes’ and ‘comments’ in facebook, online comments in the blog and offline comments which I do not want to screw. The problem is that I am afraid of negative comments; it’s the fear factor which I know will never allow me to grow. When we need to commune with God (do not question me where is God, alike everybody I do not know) we need to equally prepare for the testing He puts on us; likewise the negative comments are the testing. Now that I confessed I could talk my mind I feel.
Wow! Confessions are always an awesome relief factor.
Coming to the point,
I didn’t remember how long it has been I have completely surrendered to the meditation which I had done yesterday. It is a temple, a place where a saint, a guru, an eternal soul was buried. These places generally gives us some peace of mind or at least will invoke silence in mind because the reason we believe the soul resting there is divine and always looks after us in astral body. Cool breeze, peaceful ambience, no deadline for the day, no work gave me complete rest in mind. I decided to meditate for some time. I closed my eyes and aimed not to think anything, but immediately when I closed my eyes my favorite’s image (for whom I was not) came to mind. I know that would put me in too deep dumps so I opened my eyes and iterated the same for many a time but failed. Now, the wisdom I got from books showed up its pages, to close my eyes, let the mind wander where ever it likes to, calm down, listen to the heart let it speak all negative things about you, slowly it will turn to be silent and tranquil, once it completes whatever it wants to speak finally it goes numb - may be because you’re not interrupting it and listening to whatever it speaks. We can also try this in practical life - when you keep listening to whatever the other person talks about you, at one point of time all those talking-noise turns to be silent and he cannot talk anything bad about you seeing your patience (or possibly he might think it useless to talk).
Finally I was able to concentrate, mind was empty and I was still. I went deep into my subconscious mind to recollect what has been there, it is a dumb recorder which records everything you see, listen, read and write. Your hippocampus sometimes won’t store few things but subconscious does that and suddenly sometimes plays back and screw you. Okay, my subconscious retrieved all those which I screwed badly, people I came across, my favorites, my internal world, my astral world etc., but one good thing it always tells me the learning I had had from past situations. Listening to subconscious also need to be eliminated to concentrate in meditation, I succeeded that too. My mind was totally blind and searching for what do next. This is the problem with my mind; whenever it goes blank it searches for what next.
When everything went blind, a million dollar question came to my mind, what is meditation?
Ouch, I do not know. But I chose meditation to commune with God and the nature. I want to talk to nature or at least the God. I do not know how to do that, and then I found a way started speaking to the eternal pure soul resting there. I started complaining to the pure soul what are things happened to me, to my life and things I screwed. I started talking internally to the astral soul alike my complaining heart, every negative thing for which I cannot find solutions – I spoke to that pure soul resting. Slowly my complaints stopped, it turned to prayers. I prayed for everybody I knew. For the new soul came to this world and the to those one which is goanna come to this world, I prayed for my friends – I prayed for them to get what I want them to get since I do not really know what they need, my parents, my siblings, my brothers and sister who were not born with me but still my brothers and sister, for my wonder I remembered few of my facebook friends for whom I prayed good health. There is no end to any prayer if it has, it is not a prayer. We need to abruptly end any prayer so that you will remember where to start the next time. I suddenly remembered something on occultism where you can get out of your body in an astral form and could see what all you can see with your naked eyes. I tried to do that, few visions came to my mind – lady walking in a blue saree – old women in red, praying – two kids in there frock – old man sitting next to a lady looking around and many other things I saw. Now I need to check whether whatever I saw really exist there. I opened my eyes, I found it was almost 30 minutes I was Psychophrenic and was totally in different world altogether. I found my eyes wet do not know reason what. I saw a women in blue saree, but not exactly the same saree that I saw in my astral view, other than that I could not find anything else which I thought I was watching in my astral travel. It seems a dog was sleeping next to me for a very long time.
When my mom came after her physical astral travel ( go around the temple) came sat next to me and said ‘ a young lady came to you to give you chocolate and was calling you and waiting very long time for you to open your eyes, but you didn’t so I got the chocolate from her’. This could be the first time in my life I didn’t give my eyes to a young lady.
I thought for a while what am I doing for the past 30 minutes, am I meditating? Am I praying? Or I was Phychopherenic? God knows.