Leave me alone...

…it's just that word which stuck in my throat stops the other words to get out and it’s when something stuck in throat it tears down the eye lashes and brings down the lyrics of love in its colorless ink.  Won’t I get a day to say what I wish for her to heed?  If it is my silence is to be blamed it is not me who created it, it’s the God and a deity.

I wish I get a day alone, alone with my torments along the side of a river under a tree in a shining full moon night, light sadly little bright.  Leave me alone for I wish I should cry all night till the sun shines and wash my eyes in the moving water of the river.  Leave me alone but with a little ink and some papers for it has accompanied me when everything left me alone, and it is something which I understood and when I cried it cried and made itself wet with my drops of tears.

I sing to the music of the space, the universe and write for God to read and change something which he could do that he wrote in my account.  If I am to be blamed for my mourning silence then let me live my life all alone with me and my silence that the divine soul as decided for me to do.  I still search, foolishly, medicine for the scars as if it is new wounds but not my mistake, scars pains too.  It’s not when you touch, the place that bleeds, it pains but when you take your hands out. 

Tears are not just liquid to touch and test its viscosity, it’s the mixture of days you missed to live, words you wanted to speak, something you are holding on to say, residue of heart, sweat of brain and cleanser of eyes for us to watch the lights. 

I don’t know what exactly, something that hooks up a chord of my heart, stings the vain and stops the blood that carries life cells to brain and makes me think with the beating heart.  And when brain wakes up it teaches that hearts are not capable to think and brain is no capable to love.

Not just one time but hundred times in a split second I thought to spell my heart with my vocal cord but what stops me from doing so, I don’t know.  I never prayed for somebody to heed my silence and listen to my eyes but to leave me alone in my abyss in ink dark night so that nobody watches me cry.  I stay in peace, but it torments me as if it came after bloody war.  I stay in peace alike the planet which I live and planets like each other in the space given to them to roam in this universe.

Sometimes, even I am in need of a hand to embrace my hair, shake and say ‘I am there’, pull me down to lap and say ‘shed all your worries here’.  When I search for one, I found I am stuck in my past and falling down into ashes like a phoenix when it is greedy for so much of light in the air.   I am greedy for love, burning in the furnace of life with the tormented soul that my almighty gifted me for my birth….

Leave me alone, I understand my silence and my silence me.  

Leave me alone…