The Library...

I didn’t know what drove me here, but the place was quite mine; the place where I always dreamed to be.  Very less but welcoming people of my genre, people who stay silent as the place demands and people who talk to the books, authors and to themselves.  There is no difference of opinion for there is opinion in difference.  I saw people writing; a quite place away from noises of the phone, traffic and life.  I could see beautiful faces that reads, feels and emerges out of the emotion from the book. There were tons of books and very less people turned up to read.  The place was clean and tidy as I surfed through the Asia’s one of the largest library of eight floors there were thousands of books in all the genres. I want to pick as many as possible and read all at once which is highly impossible also I was afraid if I took few books to surf through and what if I could not find the right place to shelf it back.  So I took one book which was my favourite subject once – The Basic guide to Hypnotism.  I saw a girl reading Sigmund Freud’s Interpretation of Dreams so I have to stay a little away from her.  I choose a chair away from Freud and her and sat comfortably in cushion chair.   The guide to hypnotism hypnotised me to read; almost quarter of the book I finished before I felt asleep without my knowledge for a minute or two; because the place was so harmonious and pleasant and filled with books and air conditioned.  When I recouped from my nap I realized I almost finished quarter of the book and Freud and that girl were still there.  Disbelief I developed on Fraud and his reader after reading Osho’s talk on Fraud.  Sigmund Fraud was called as genius in the field of human psychology but when he came to India he was asked to meet Ramana Maharishi, a man who realized his self.  But Fraud refused to meet him for he is afraid of the man who could break all his disbelief.  And there was a statistic which says the suicide percentage was higher in the psychology doctors compared with others; interesting.  I realized it was time to move on just one floor of books is not enough for me.  I wanted to put the book back into it’s shelve but then I saw a poster saying don't try to shelve it back but just leave it on the table- cool.  I searched for the literature section and claimed to the next floor to see hell a lot of books on all literature Greek, Pali, French etc., I walked through each of the book in the neatly arranged.  Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, etc., It was pleasure watching their books which most of them I have it shelved in my home.  And then I saw Dante’s Divine Comedy which is an allegorical read termed as tough to understand and then I saw The war that killed Achilles in Greek literature and few more books I collected and searched for a place to sit.  Most of the tables were occupied and those that are free were reserved.  Finally I found a table with an empty chair but again I have asked the girl sitting in the opposite to make sure that it was not reserved for anybody.  She nodded and shook her head taking her head from the book. I didn’t understand what she said but then I sat taking it as the chair is free to occupy. The table was near the glass wall, the lawn below was visible and the day light was amicable.  I surfed through the Dante’s Divine Comedy and after few minutes I want to see what was new in the ‘The war that killed Achilles’ as I already know the good crap old story of Helen in Troy.  The writing was good but the story was the same. And then I found this book lying on the table crap shades for gray; who the hell kept this book in literature section, I threw the book.  The place was dumb quiet and the book made quite a noise of my anger.  A girl who was reading deep into her book lifted her face and saw me as if I have thrown a stone at her.  I said sorry and went back to my book.  Time slipped through without my knowing and I realized I was late, but then I want to see what people were reading so I picked the books what people have left in the table.  I was happy to see Shelley’s poetry, Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein; people are still alive in the world of literature I thought.  Though it was not enough for my brain and heart, my stomach wanted something to fill just as my heart, also it was late evening so I decided to get out of that lovely place and fuel my body.

Things to count on...

Courtesy : google images / flicker

“What are you counting?” she said.  Her legs were on his laps and they were on the roof top. And it was a euphoric evening when it was drizzling.

“The rain drops that was falling from your nose tip” He replied.

“Crazy you…”

“Yes, of course.  You made me so” he said.

Tiny things, small moments, small conversations, little romance are like the tiny drizzles; they make bigger things slowly.

“Let us get down and take a stroll” he asked

“Only if you could lift me and scoop me in your hands…” she said

“Scoop you!! Let us sit here then…” he giggled

She gave a naught kick which he waited for and loved too.  She got her legs off his lap and he helped her getting holding her by waist so that he doesn’t slip away from his hands.

Only when there is purest of love along with all chemical emotions the touch feels like the breeze of the evening and if it is only chemical then it burns like a hot sun.

“You smell like a baby” He said

“Really…” she replied plainly

“I like the smell of your hair… when it is wet and you don't have time to dry…”

“Okay… enough.  Let us walk…” she said.

“Now it is wet and I feel the fragrance of a real woman in you… a woman as created by the divine hands”

“I don't understand a word you talk…” she giggled

“I know you understand every word of me… even when I don't talk… I know you are the only one to understand my silence…” he replied.

Not every time the words could explain the love, sometimes you need to read between the lines and sometimes it is the silence that conveys all the love you hold in your heart.

She looked straight into his eyes as if telling ‘I know you, you need not say everything’. It was drizzling.  He asked for her hands and she held it tightly and they walked.  The road was washed with the rain, it was plain and clean.  It was green the both sides and fresh.  The rain drops continued to wet them and she felt cold.  She wrapped her hands to his torso and he warmed her with his hands over her shoulders.  The walked till the end of the road. 

“Let us go back” she said.

“If you say…” he said and they walked back home. 

The room was ill lit only with two or three candles around.  She shined like gold in the Sun light.

“You glow…” He said.

She smiled.

He grabbed her by hands and embraced like a petal of a rose touching another.

“I could feel you… in my soul…” he said

“Hmmm mmmm…” she smiled as if telling ‘you are completely a pack of insanity’.

 “I know what you are thinking… Yes I am insane… It is your mistake… You have made me so…”

“I didn’t do anything… it is all that you imagine….” She replied.

“May be… let me live and die in the same imagination…” he said.

“What if I become old… if I have wrinkles…” she asked.

“That is better, I can kiss you in the road… people will not pass a bad comment instead appreciate me for the love I have for you… and wrinkles… that should be the beautiful wrinkles the world have every seen.” He replied.

“You selfish fellow… What if you change by time…?” she asked with little melancholy in voice.

“Definitely I will change… more matured, correct all my mistakes and love you more than today… and one day I might totally change that would be my last day on the earth” he said.

She tightened her hug; she replied.

Magic!!

In the arms of each other, when the hand holds together, and the hearts push and pull one another bloom’s the magic of togetherness.  If you think it is just the thirst for fleshes do not touch each other; relationships are food for the souls and not for cannibals. When the skin’s caresses the souls should blend like the water and the soil if there is no love it is like mixing the water and the oil. What you cannot read in the words that come out of mouth can be read from the luminescent that comes from the eyes.  If the spark in the eyes has faded away, though the face and words can fake the love, the language of eyes will always open the eyes of the other.

When the love is pure there needs no filter to purify the heart and need no tears to dilute the hurt.  It just happens for no reason, no matter what season.  When the image of the other enters the eyes and if only matches the search of the soul then the magic is provoked.  When the hands hold and the lips talks to each other the two soul become part of one broken soul and merge like the clouds that was about to pour.

When the eyes meet each other then everything around should disappear and the moment of silence should be as divine like prayer.  In the acoustic of voice only the external is satiated.  In order to satiate the inner being the words should be eschewed and silence should take over the moment.  The pleasantness of the silence must be felt in the heart so that the channel for communication is clear between hearts.  This cannot be faked, though the words fake love the eyes will show up what is underneath.

The Cosmic Touch

Courtesy : Google Images

It’s time I get in touch with the cosmic energy; the divine force that runs the world.  It’s the force that keeps the heart to beat without rest and the same force that give rest to the heart and puts the soul into the eternal journey to other dimension of the universe. 

In need to escape out of the world of insurmountable world of chaos, I closed my eye in the dark and open it to the unfathomable beauty of nature.  Just like escaping into the third dimension of the world brain sometimes has a black hole in which when entered throws you into the utopia.  I was sucked into the black hole and thrown into a valley of fresh water.  As if you need to be cleaned up before entering into the new world I was washed by the stream of cold water.  I didn’t feel my body.  It is just the soul that was bathed.  The panorama seemed like watching a wall poster with scenery, green everywhere and water from the peak flows like a girl with the long hair.  I was not wearing slippers; it felt like I was floating above the grass.  The thought of eating food and drinking water was far away from the mind.  I was scared of such lonely places for there would be no sounds of human pals, may be the fear of demons striking from the unknown.  But the place was quiet of the human noises and filled with the song of the water falling from the peak, music of the stream running over the mother earth.  There were sounds of the singing birds, voice of the little one’s from the cuckoos nest.  The sun was not hurting as the breeze was filled with the wetness of the waterfall.  The stroll was not painful as the ground underneath was soft as rose with the green grass.

It was a strange feel that I started to think if it was heaven and I was dead.  If the place was heaven then I would be happily dead.  I strolled a great distance with full of euphoria for the birds were not afraid to come by and trees were not afraid that I would make furniture out of it.  There were all original trees as trees and not as paper currencies.  The earth underneath held the ore in it original nature and not as gold, silver and steel.  The silence was meditative but the song of the nature was enchanting.  The only violence I saw was that of a woodpecker building its nest but the trees in which it is drilling seems happy to host its guest; no wonder we call the nature our mother. 

A calf came running from nowhere and started playing with me and the mother cow came behind him.  It is really a utopia as the calf gets the entire milk from its mother without being hacked by my fellow mortals.  There is not one thing to buy with money; there is not one thing to sell.  Everything is granted though nothing is taken for granted.  When I bent down to the calf’s face it licked with the pure love and the mother didn’t seem to be jealous.  The master sun was fast setting and the twilight was approaching.  The green silky grass, bright green trees and colorless waterfall turned to orange of the sky and the stream looked bright and orange.  I could not remember the last twilight I saw but this one was really a magic.  I could hear a ring in my ear; no, I have not brought my smart phone (that makes humans stupid).  It was a peculiar bird in blue and violet, a tiny little wonder of nature.  With all its love it caressed my cheek with its head.  By now the calf has become more comfortable with me and started playing the games he used to play with its mother. 

The ground was wet and thus I choose the root to settle down and leaned on the trunk of the tree.  In the garden of flowers I could see the bees doing its part of work; drinking honey carrying pollen grains from one plant to the other. Many bees crossed me and not one stung, may be I am not disturbing its nature. Far away, on the top of the peak I saw a large honeycomb which looked like a happy family with no intruders to steel the hard work of the family.  If this is heaven I would be happily dead, the nature at its nature.  I called it a utopia but that was the real world when the almighty has decided to create Homo sapiens, the largest virus that earth has seen in its history of millions of years.

The real nature of everything is love and love to the core. It’s the love with no expectation in return, just to love because there is something to love and no reason beyond it.  I walked back to the river and dipped my face to feel the water, unfortunate I was thrown out of the other side of the black hole to come back to the same place, the real present world.  You see! Where ever you enter or exit you will end up in the same place only the journey between the entry and exit differs.  Happy journey.

love under temperature

…he was reading the most poignant lines of Gibran and she walked in to the room like a child sneaking inside the kitchen. 

“…again book in your hand” she asked.

“Mmmm… yes…” he replied

She unplugged the book from her hand and threw it to the table near by.

“Hey… my hand is empty… replace the book with something else” he said

She crawled on the bed slowly to him and took his hands to his face. 

“…now take my cheeks instead of that book” she said

He got up to sit and held her face in his hands and said “…what is more beautiful and lovely in this world than your face, my love” he whispered

“Really…” she giggled

“Yes… I could read hundred books in few days, but I will take a life time to finish reading your face.  The language of your eyes, the signs of your brows, the fables that your smile tells, the love that your wink conveys… Oh! How much more; just one life is not enough to read all that love you have for me” he said.

“…not very impressive… try something else…” she giggled

“I have got nothing to impress you; all I have got is me to give you.  My totality everything I have in my life I owe you… you cannot give me happiness because you are my happiness, so you have to give you to me” he replied

“…Mmmmhmmm…. You asked for kiss!” she asked

“I don't want…  all I want is just stay in my arms, whenever I read come and put your face in my hands, look at me and say that you love me”  he said with little tears in eyes.

“Close your eyes, baby” she said and crawled little more and kissed his forehead. The tears rolled down from his eyes.  She wiped it and kissed him in his cheeks.  She could feel the temperature in his skin.  “Baby, you have got temperature…” she said

“hmmm… a little” he replied

“No, it is not a little it is burning hot, baby”

“It is okay, just stay with me little closer… caress my hair, say you are there…” he murmured

“You need medicines…” she replied

“No, you have already given me…on my forehead… that will heal all my pangs” he murmured again.

“Don't be stupid, wait I will bring tablets” she said and got up to move.

“No, please.  It is burning hot.  Please stay closer…” he said and pulled her towards him.  She sat on the bed and he rested his head on her lap.

“Baby, temperature will not go down by just lying down…” she screamed.

“No.  It will not go down by just lying down, but I’m on your lap the most loveable place I could go.  Even if the temperature is not going to get down and it is going to burn me into ashes let it do, allow me to sleep my last sleep on your lap” he murmured in temperature.

“Will you shut up, baby. Where will I go if you are not there for me” she turned her face with a fake anger.

He grabbed her hand and placed it on his cheek “don't worry I will not leave you in peace and leave this world… you have promises to fulfil”

“…what?” she asked

“Our offspring… my boy…” he said

“…now sleep you are not well…” she replied

“I am well in your arms… good in your lap… won’t you keep your promise up?” he asked

“I will… sleep now…”

“When I am normal I don't really talk what I feel for you, I sometimes miss you even when you sit next to me.  But now, the hangover that this temperature is giving me is pulling all those words I was holding for you… that is why I don't want to take medicines… I want to vent out all the love I was holding for you all these days…” he murmured as the temperature rose.

“Baby, keep quiet and sleep…” she said.

There was no response.  He slept holding her hand over his eyes. She remembered him saying that her hands blinded him from the entire world.

Demon in distress

…he woke up in the midnight; no, he didn’t sleep still.  He walked down the road like a demon in distress.  The empty night didn’t give him fear for he was ready even to die. The wind was heavy, the street lights were bright.  He felt that it will be good without lights, it will be better without the sadist moon in the sky.  Every step he strolled he could hear his heart beats in his ears for the entire town was sleeping.

He knew, even his last drop of tear would not bring any answer to him from her.  He knew, the excess of love he pours is thrown into the sewage.  Life will get better someday, he believed.  His love will be answered and reciprocated, he trusted.

As he walked with wet eyes and thoughts that hindered his ears there was a call from the behind.  A lady in white, bright in the night, surrounded with light.  She might be the devil in disguise, he thought.  “No” she said listening to his inner voice, “I am your guardian angel” she continued.  He has gone insane as a result of insomnia, he thought.  “No, you are all sane” his guardian angel said and continued “come let’s take a walk”.

“What is happening with you? Why are you alone walking the road that takes you nowhere?” she asked. 

“I feel incomplete, I feel incapable for love” he replied. 

She smiled.

“If you are going to get out of this planet after our talk, why don't you take me with you for all through out my life I had only one companion – the solitude”  he said.

“Dear, I have no advice to give you, I came down to listen to you for you stopped talking with yourself too” She said.

“I don't have anything to talk; I expect nothing, not even love.  It is better to be in solitude as nobody is hurt and nobody is going to hurt me” He replied.

“You cannot stay in this planet expecting nothing.  Tell me what is paining your heart, what is that you want?”  She asked.

He walked in silence; she walked with him to listen. 

“I need many things that life could give me not so far.  When I walk I need a hand to hold my palms to say I am walking along.  When sit in silence I need a pair of eye that can look deep into my eyes and say I can listen to your heart.  When I am in distress I need an arm that can wrap me around to say everything will be alright.  When I want to cry I need a pair of palms to burry my face into it and wet those hands.  When I am tired I need a shoulder that could hold my head to sleep.   I want to be a priority in someone’s life, just one.  I need a heart that could love me back when I have nothing to offer; when I am empty and blank” He said.

His guardian angel moved near by and wiped his tear to say “don't cry”.

“No, I am not crying.  I am strong enough to hold my tears.  I don't want anything in life.  I can be myself being not loved back.  I don't want anybody’s care; I don't want anybody’s affection.  I will be completely fine though people talk only when they want to talk, I will be happy even when I am the least priority in their life” tears rolled down from his eyes.  His guardian angel held his hands to ask him to look at her.   “No, get the hell out of here, I don't need anybody to listen to my pain” he shouted.   She held him in her arms, he weep aloud.  “Cry, my dear, it is the only holy water that could put the pangs out from your heart, cry” she said holding him in his arms.  

He knelt down hurting his knees and wept… and slept…

night cry

What am I doing? I was thinking in the night with the darkness embracing the might.  There were stars all over the sky and one moon to shine.  The cold wind of the night caressed me from head to toe. In the silence I realized I am my own foe. 

I closed my eyes to darken the darkness, closed my ears to stop hearing my own heart's cry.  I slipped from the tip of the terrace; fell down in abyss to open my eyes in the land of flowers; yellow, green, white and red; a garden full of flowers and trees.  At a distance I saw a lonely tree which shed all its yellow flowers on the ground and made it a bed of flowers.  I walked towards the tree, attracted by its solitariness.  Under the solitary tree I saw her sitting with her head on her knee. Afraid to near her I walked slowly to sit by her.  She lifted her head to see me and smile.  I have a tear in my wings she said.  I realized she was an angel waiting for someone to mend her wings.  I knew she was in pain, an unknown pain which I wanted to heal.  I plucked a chord out of my heart to mend her wing.  She leaned over my shoulders and said don't leave me for I might die I believed those words for there were pain and agony in her voice.  She flew from the place and I waited for her to return, quite sometime after a very long wait she came back with few more holes in her wings.  I plucked a chord from my heart to mend it.  All that I imagined was she could feel my pain of longing  and love but what I missed to realize is that she was not a normal mortal human species but an immortal angel that has wrongly fallen in the garden.  For she was not of my own genre she know not that the string that mended her wings were from a live heart and when ever it is plucked the heart endures a great pain.

She sat next to me, looked deep into my eyes and leaned over my chest.  Could you listen to my heart, my angel, that it says your name?  She woke up from my chest and said that she wanted to fly leaving me in perplexity with her answer for my question - no strings attached.  You are free to fly for I have not set up a cage for you.  I am not capable of understanding you for you don't have ears to listen to my cheap human heart.  I know she won’t talk the words I wanted to hear.  I kissed her forehead, held her cheeks and said  all I am left with my life are you but that does not stops you from flying away from me.  The moment you touched my heart is enough, the seconds you leaned on my chest is enough, I will succumb to the earth with those memories in my eyes.  Fly in joy, go around and feel this world for it is not so nice.  If you are happy with what you see, go on leave me and live. If you are wounded again and if your wings need to be mended again, come back to me for I am always ready to take you in my arms and mend your wound in wings with the strings from my heart. She didn’t reply for angels don't understand the language of mortals.  I opened my eyes for it could not hold the tears long and tight.

The Unsaid...

courtesy :  canstockphoto.com

I'm not of the ilk you will adore,
Not could I ajar your heart's door!

You stop my clock and freeze my ink,
Not it is dawn or dusk, you my twilight I think.

I thought you a crawl of a baby on my chest,
But you were a spinsters' finger breaking my crust.

To leave or love may be your options, but
For the time I spend with you I have no caption.

No way you could learn the meaning of my silence,
Know it, not speaking my heart is violence.

Never I want to cage you like a bird,
Fly like a butterfly, come and rest on me when you're tired.

What I wish is, may a day come before I stop living,
You will be matured enough to decipher my hearts' beatings.

My silence in loud and it talks love,
Some day the sound will reach your ears but days will be few.

Not all words could be spoken,
But everyone's world can be shaken.

May the deity of love stay blessed,
For heart that could not be understand be kissed.