It's still dark...

Hope : Hold On Pain will End

Like a foetus in the womb he twirled on his bed.  Not knowing if he has slept or not his eyes were tired to open for it didn’t take rest from watering the infertile pillow.  Windows were closed, curtains were on, the door was tightened, and lights were switched off.  Once in a while he switches on his mobile to see if she has messaged him.  The back-light of the mobile phone lighted up the room which irritated him; he switched off his phone and went back to his womb.

Looking at his anguish even the sky roared in pain.  ‘Do something, make her come with me’ was all that he prayed to heaven looking at the sky, and it rained. The scorching torments in his heart would take no time to burn him to ash; he wanted to hide the fumes of his burning soul.  He walked under the pouring sky.  All he could do is to move a little forward but the life force he has left behind stopped him to move on.  He stopped and she came to him.

He held her hand, it is soft as always, clutched his fingers between her fingers. She didn’t respond.  What would make her understand him? He does not know.  But all that he could do is to make her feel his anguish.  He held her closer as he could; her warmth gave him the secure feel of amniotic. He looked at her eyes she didn’t turn to him, but that is fine.  It all looked like a prayer to a deity in the temple that wants to bless you but could not move her hands locked inside the stone. What could melt that stone! Only she knows.

He took her soft hands to his cheeks and pressed her palms hard on his face, as if marking her foot mark in his heart.  Holding her tight, he placed his eyes on her palms just to stop his tears to flow out; No, to make her understand ‘I could see light with my eyes closed holding you in my arms but if you leave my hands all I could see is dark’.  She didn’t utter a word nor did she turn to him.  He knows that her heart beats for him, but she has arrested herself in her own prison. He is still finding the key to unlock her or at least a hammer to break her prison gate.

He could feel her love for him in her palms that were on his cheeks.  How many times, he didn’t count but he kissed her on her palms as if he is in his death bed.  His heart repeated ‘please don't leave me’ for thousand times.  But he restricted himself to voice it out from his mouth in the fear of her reply.  If the hearts beats were like rhythmic music nobody could hear the noise but for him it was a thunderstorm; he cried chanting ‘please don't leave me’ holding her hands on his face to let her know that the only thing he wants is her.  Was the stone melted at least to its minimum! Was the prison undergone a tumor to make some crakes on the wall! God knows.

No response!  He looked at her eyes like a nomad seeing a mirage of oasis in the desert.  ‘Show some mercy’ his eyes pleaded.  The answer was invariable – no.  Whatever the answer is, to give it up is a sin; he continued to look at her eyes.  He does not want to listen to what she speaks but to look into her eyes, for her to heed his plead.

He knows love requires no reciprocal; love is love, be it given or taken just being in love should be felt as blessing. All those things were mere cognizant.  His brain knows that he could love her without her mercy but the heart is always an idiot.  Hearts never listen to brains for all the brains are collective mass garbage from the society but the hearts are roses that bloomed at the feet of almighty; it feathers only at the feet of the loved ones.

It was time for her to leave.  He could not stop the eyes from watering his fertile beard but he swallowed his anguish and held her by her arms closer to him.  Without uttering a word, he looked at her eyes to convey ‘you are leaving me in abyss’ she didn’t respond for he knows what her heart aches for.  He gathered up all his courage and said ‘Love you’.  She left.

The darkness was still, no sign of doors to be opened, and no sign of light.  His mobile phone’s back-light lighted the room.  With all hope he took the phone in his hands, cleared his eyes many times for his eyes were blurred with her images.  Looking at the phone he laughed. 

‘Low battery’

His mobile laughed at him and the back light went off.

The Rain...

courtesy: google images

…it started drizzling; they both watched it standing under a shelter in their terrace.  It was an evening, the Sun faded away quickly, the colorful twilight dimmed faster.  Birds were earlier to their nest.  Clouds started cuddling up together to pour their love over the earth.  They could here the kissing sound of the clouds.  It was going to pour heavily, they knew.

You know why there is a lightening when a cloud kisses the other? He asked

She looked at him romantically and said come on let me hear your usual romantic reason

They do not want anybody to see them kissing, they blind our eyes with a light flash; just like you never wanted me to kiss you when lights are on.  He whispered in her ear.

You won me with your words.  Will you be this romantic towards me all my life time?  She asked with little worry in her eyes.

No He replied.  She frowned.  He lifted her face holding her chins and looked her eyes.  Look at me he said and continued I will not be the same but more romantic like we change our phases in life as lovers to husband and wife then to parents then we will become old holding our grandchildren.  I know what you give you in each phase of life.  We will grow more lovable and romantic as we grow older because love is like wine.

She smiled, rejuvenated with his words, hugged him placing her face on his chest and putting her hand in between his first and second button of his shirt to surf. 

This is the only shirt which has good buttons, my dear He giggled. She pinched him on his chest and tired to take her hands out of his shirt.  He immediately stopped her with his hands okay, okay no worries it is better I go without buttons than missing your hand there.

It was neither night nor evening; in between.  It started pouring heavily, looking at which she ran out into the rain.  He tried to stop her and called her back but as usual she didn’t listen to him. He could see her getting drenched in rain.  She looked at the sky to allow the clouds to pour on her face.  Once in a while the lightening made him fear but she looked like an ivory statue in the thunder light.  She played like a child with open arms trying to hold all the rains that were pouring.  He watched her without uttering a word, anyways he know she will not listen to him once she starts playing.

Come out, lets play she shouted.  He shook his head.  She stopped for a while and with open arms as if asking for a hug she nodded to call him to her.  Without a word he walked into the rain and when he reached her she ran away to escape his hug.  He ran behind her and hugged her from behind. 

You cannot escape from me He said.

I do not want to… She replied, leaning back over his chest and holding his hands to her waist.

I am thirsty

Open your mouth and look at the sky, drink the rain water She giggled

That will not be any sweet He said

So what can we do! She asked.

Close your eyes.  She closed her eyes.  Do not move. 

Okay…

He placed his lips over her cheeks to kiss.  The rain was heavier now.  She didn’t move for a minute.  I know you She said elbowing him and ran away from him.

Hey wait, it’s raining heavily and we are almost playing for thirty minutes in rain.  You will catch cold or fever.  Let’s go down and get something hot… He said.

She came back to him, closer as she could, hugging him tightly she reached his ear and said I do not want anything hot, when u are there.  Take me down, warm me up… I will not catch cold or fever… she said and kissed him on his cheek…

The rain didn’t stop all night.

A Walk...

courtesy : google images

Just like the flowers in two saplings planted next to next, sways in the breeze and kisses each other, they walked hand in hand on the road they strolled years back. 

This is my fate and I have to follow it.  I could still make it, walk with you all through out my life but I am blocked emotionally.  This is not the place for us, this is not the society for us to live, and just like everybody else we need to breathe to keep us alive, and live to show the society we are living she said. 

We don't breathe for others, love and affection is like that of our heart.  We could stop our hands from moving, legs from walking, take pill to stop thinking, close the lashes to stop watching, shut our mouths from talking but could not stop our heart even for a millisecond from beating.  And you know why, every other parts we have is connected to our brain but the cords of our heart is connected to the almighty only he can decide when to stop and for whom it has to beat.  Mine beats for you He replied.

They strolled in silence.  He never have allowed her to walk to his right as the vehicles passes closer by, and, she always keeps an eye on the vehicles crossing him with little fear on her eyes.  In the silence he moved a little bit more on the road and a car came little closer to him and she pulled him to her side.  They stopped.  She looked it to his eyes.  He knows what those eyes say ‘this is not the way you walk on the road.  It is not my body in which you can move without thinking about safety nor this is not my heart where I have only flowers for you to walk’

They continued to walk.  Sometimes mothers try to abort their baby in their womb but, if they fail, they do not ignore them when they are born.  They show their best love.  Just because they tried to kill their baby in womb they cannot be punished.  But I am.  I was punished for trying to abort the love I held in my heart but once I realized it cannot be aborted I endure the labor pain He said.  She looked down, clutched his arms tight and walked along.  He prayed that this road never ends.  She prayed to walk along to his home.

A beautiful girl walked towards them from the opposite side.  She knows it is dangerous to expose a beautiful girl to him than him to a car.  She looked at him, took his hands and wrapped around her hip just to show she owns him.  To show her that ‘He is only mine’ He knows what she feels and he knows now it is the time to show his loyalty to her love.  He gripped her hip and dragged her closer to him.  The girl approaching them looked at his hand that was holding her by hip and looked at his eyes. He looked at his love to ensure ‘I am yours, only yours and it is a promise’ she smiled at him.   The girl came near them and was little closer to him as if to dash him as the road is not broad enough.  A slight fear peeped out from her eyes looking at the girl.  She released herself from his hands and shifted to his right to protect him from the touch of another girl. And the girl walked past them with a smile. 

She is not that good He said and laughed. 

Shut up, why did you see her? She pinched his hands that she was holding.

Why are trying to retain me?  I didn’t show much love She whispered a lie.

Yes, you have not showed me much love.  You have not shown me enough love you can because it is very short span we were together.  I want to live in your love.  I know how much you hold in your heart for me He replied back.  She could not reply.  The walk continued.  God has started to paint the twilight with darkness. 

We are always worried about what others think about us.  And you always think about a temporary solution to suffice this society.  We do not realize this is just one life with very short span.  We live for others and others live for some others He said with little anger.

Nothing is left in my hand.  Only the almighty has to decide She replied and loosened the clutch of her hands. 

They reached the limbo.  She tried to walk away from him.  He pulled her towards him by hands and said,

I will wait for you, my love, I will wait for you.  My arms are always wide open for you.  Don't make me wait for a longer time as the life is very short.  If you have decided to leave me then do not regret sometimes in your life tears rolled down on his cheeks I have to respect your decision for love is not just lust but respect. And if you cannot come back…, lump in his throat stopped him from speaking please take care.  Love you. 

He said and walked away.

The Wait

He was watching her face in the light of the moon, sitting on the terrace opposite to her in the dark.  How long I waited for this moment and how much pain we endured to sit this way and enjoy the night and the moon he said with little tears in his eyes.  She got up from her seat walked behind him and hugged him from behind with her hands surrounding his neck and cheek caressing his cheek.  He tried to kiss her in that posture but he could hardly reach her lips.  She bit his cheek and laughed.  He played their favorite song in his mobile.  Hanging on his back she swung like a little girl.  He smiled and euphoria flowed out from his eyes to wet her hands.  Feeling the wetness, she tightened her hug and kissed him on his cheek. He closed his eyes to feel her warmth and swung with her to the rhythm of the song and to the song of her heart and to the joy of her arms.  The song reached its last line and stopped with a mild music.  He opened his eyes to see the moon, the opposite seat, the night, the darkness and the breeze that froze his tears.  He searched his neck to hold the hands that was around his neck; he could not find.  He turned to see where she has gone and realized it was yet another mirage.  He fell down on the floor and watered the thirsty floor with his tears.   Lying flat on the floor, with hands wide opened, he looked at the sky, dear sky, moon, this night and the stars to this world it might be a mirage but for you all, I knew, it is love.  I take you as the witness for what has happened.  Please go to her and whisper in her ears that I am waiting for her arms.

Next day;

It was a big railway station with all epitomes of humans.  He stood on the foot over bridge which was little bigger and crowded to identify him as someone standing there for hours.  I am near you, I am waiting for you.  Come to me he sent a text message.  For an hour there is no reply.  He looked at his mobile which is slowly loosing its enthusiasm at one percentage in every twenty minutes.  No the phone beeped.  He stood for another hour knowing not on what to reply and what will make her come out for him.  He typed lines after lines and deleted.  He does not want to bluff for he knows only true words could bring her out.  A mild pain ran over his legs as he was stood there for hours on his tough shoes.  He does not want to move but the same time he wants to ease his pain.  He sat on the floor just like a beggar.  He saw a board hanging opposite to him where he was sitting begging here is an offence.  Begging is prohibited in the railway station he smiled at the board for he could be the only one who understood the meaning that lied between the lines.  Probably many like me might have sat here for their love he thought.

A couple passed him.  He saw his dream in their form.  A little girl was in between them holding her one hand of her mom’s and one hand of her dad’s.  One among the couple in a regular interval bent down to her and said something to her and giggled at each other.  While getting down in the steps, the little girl stopped and opened her hands to give an open option to her parents to lift her to walk down the steps.  Her mother bent down to lift her up but she called daddy.  He gave a naughty look at his wife and lifted his girl.  You… you… get lost both of you her mother showed her sweetest angry on both of them.   Tears ran down on his cheeks looking at this scene.  Will she understand if I text her what I saw he thought but rejected his thoughts.  Plz go home, I will not come His phone beeped again. 

f

You imbibed thousands of dreams in my heart and you know every beat of my heart is a dream – Message sent

You made me pregnant with the dreams of my intelligent girl and your naughty boy in my heart.  Now, know what you are doing to me.  You are doing an abortion to me. – Message sent

I know I made millions of mistake but this is not the punishment I deserve for it.  I want to live for you…. Message sent.

This is over. Please, I beg you, go home.  I cannot come out.  His phone beeped with reply from her.

We almost live our life virtually as husband and wife.  We named my girl and your boy.  Do you remember how did we name our boy?  - Message sent

With our common two letters of our name third letter from my name and last two letters from the last two letters of your name – Message sent

He kept looking at her mobile.  He sat there for a longer time.  He looked at the board again “begging is prohibited in railway station”.  He walked out of the station to the bus stop outside.  Buses passed, people walked passing him, few minutes he watched the drama around him again the drama that ran inside his brain made him detach from the external world.  He sat there like a yogi waiting for Goddess to appear before him.  Hours passed.  He wondered if he has sat in the same place for hours together.  There is no time or space in love he thought.  Am I right in doing this, am I pushing her to do something which she does not like?  His thoughts ran wild.  Everything is fair in love and war his brain reminded him the proverb to give him strength to sit for hours more. 

It darkened.  No reply from her.  Let me give her some peace, let me walk out of this place He thought but could not do it.  He bent down over his bag and cried.  He stood and walked back to the station and sat on a metal chair.  Why don't you come!  Why don't you believe me! Why not me! Why don't you give me a chance to live, to take care of you in my palms!  He thought.  He stood up dropped his bag on the chair and walked to the edge of the platform.  A train horned from a longer distance for him to move away from the edge.  He did not.  The train entered the station with little higher speed.  Few yards away were the train he still didn’t move away as he was deep in his thoughts.   Come back shouted a voice from his behind.  He was bought to his normal insane condition and stepped back.  He walked back to take his bag.  When he was about to lift his bag a hand stopped him by pulling the bag down. 

She was sitting in the next seat.  He didn’t give any reaction. 

What reaction is this?  She asked 

He didn’t reply anything.  He dropped on his knees.  Buried his face on her lap and cried…

He was watching her face in the light of the moon, sitting on the terrace opposite to her in the dark.  How long I waited for this moment and how much pain we endured to sit this way and enjoy the night and the moon he said with little tears in his eyes.  She got up from her seat walked behind him and hugged him from behind with her hands surrounding his neck and cheek caressing his cheek.

Hold me and do not leave me...

courtesy: Google images

…he dropped down on his knees.  Don’t leave me.  I will be a nothing without you Tears ran down his cheeks.  I love you but I have to leave she said.  I have nothing to hold other than you, my love.  This cannot be the punishments for my mistakes, it is better I drop dead he said placing her hands to his chest.  He could feel the shivering, pain and love in her touch. 

I could feel the love in your touch and fear in your shivering.  You give me your love I will wash your fears away.  I will pamper you in my palms, take you in my arms, kiss you like a flower, and make love like rain and the earth. You will carry our dreams in womb and I will nurse you like your mother; will kiss you and tap you to sleep.  After you sleep I will kiss your belly for my girl inside you to sleep.  Let us bring our off springs to this world; a girl, in mixture of your beauty and my skills, who you will love you the most but stay always by my side. And three years later, a boy with all the naughtiness of yours and my complexion. You will give him all your skills and your voice to my girl.  For me and our children you will be our world, you will rule us like a queen of our magical island.  Sometimes we may fight and stay without talking.  My girl will peep in and pull us together and kiss us together.  We will kiss her back.  And without her knowledge I will try to kiss you by that time your boy will jump in and block us.  We four will cuddle together.  Your anger and my irritation will disappear in the love our children. Some day you might fall sick, may be with temperature.  My girl will give you tablet and your boy will lie next to you to hug you and cry.  You will sleep on my lap.  After our children sleep, I will embrace you with all my love and fear and take the illness to my body. When your temperature comes down you will crawl over me and lie down on my chest to listen to my heart beats.  I will caress your dense hair and will say ‘love you, my dear’.  You will kiss my chest.  In the sound of our talk our children will wake up and crawl to us.  My girl will sleep to my right and your naughty boy over you. I will make you all three sleep.  ‘I will protect and will live only for you three’ I will whisper in your ears. ‘I know my lovely husband’ you will murmur in your half sleep.

When I start to office my girl in her school uniform will come and kiss me to say a bye.  And when I call your boy to give me a kiss he will drag me down and byte me on my cheeks just as you do when I ask you a kiss.  I will make sure you eat your breakfast before I leave to break your habit of eating late.  In my lunch I will call you to taste your voice along with the food you packed for me.  You and my girl will sing for me when I am home and your boy will hang on your neck when you sing.

I know our marriage life is not complete until I support your passion.  ‘Your passion is sleeping in the cupboard my darling.  Take it back in your hand.  I can manage my work and our children go out and live your passion.  Once I am published as a writer I can stay back in home completely and take care of our children. You have magic in your hands go out and swirl your wand’ I will tell you.

Sometimes I take leave from work just to be with you alone.  After our children leaves to school we will cook together, I will make you sit on my lap and feed you, and you will feed me.  I will take it directly from your mouth the piece you are eating; will lift you in my arms to bed. ‘Hello dear, we planned only for two’ you will giggle.  ‘O! Really I don't remember’ I will close your lips with mine.  We will live for our children.  We will grow older together and die together.  And…

Tears rolled down on her cheeks.  I have to leave She said.  He became silent. 

Holding her hand to his chest in a hand he grabbed the dagger out of its scabbard from his waist. Hold this he said handing the dagger in her hand that was over his chest.  Are you sure you want to leave me He asked.  She nodded.  It is painful to hear it from you, my love.  Kill me and leave me he said.  She tried to move back but he pulled her by hand.  Placing the dagger exactly over the beating heart he pushed it inside.  In the sudden shock his heart beats raised but the puncture that the dagger had made slowed it down.  The beats slowed, slowed and slowed I love you he murmured; the heart stopped.  He dropped dead on her feet.