Saturday, August 22, 2015

It's still dark...

Hope : Hold On Pain will End
Like a foetus in the womb he twirled on his bed.  Not knowing if he has slept or not his eyes were tired to open for it didn’t take rest from watering the infertile pillow.  Windows were closed, curtains were on, the door was tightened, and lights were switched off.  Once in a while he switches on his mobile to see if she has messaged him.  The back-light of the mobile phone lighted up the room which irritated him; he switched off his phone and went back to his womb.

Looking at his anguish even the sky roared in pain.  ‘Do something, make her come with me’ was all that he prayed to heaven looking at the sky, and it rained. The scorching torments in his heart would take no time to burn him to ash; he wanted to hide the fumes of his burning soul.  He walked under the pouring sky.  All he could do is to move a little forward but the life force he has left behind stopped him to move on.  He stopped and she came to him.

He held her hand, it is soft as always, clutched his fingers between her fingers. She didn’t respond.  What would make her understand him? He does not know.  But all that he could do is to make her feel his anguish.  He held her closer as he could; her warmth gave him the secure feel of amniotic. He looked at her eyes she didn’t turn to him, but that is fine.  It all looked like a prayer to a deity in the temple that wants to bless you but could not move her hands locked inside the stone. What could melt that stone! Only she knows.

He took her soft hands to his cheeks and pressed her palms hard on his face, as if marking her foot mark in his heart.  Holding her tight, he placed his eyes on her palms just to stop his tears to flow out; No, to make her understand ‘I could see light with my eyes closed holding you in my arms but if you leave my hands all I could see is dark’.  She didn’t utter a word nor did she turn to him.  He knows that her heart beats for him, but she has arrested herself in her own prison. He is still finding the key to unlock her or at least a hammer to break her prison gate.

He could feel her love for him in her palms that were on his cheeks.  How many times, he didn’t count but he kissed her on her palms as if he is in his death bed.  His heart repeated ‘please don't leave me’ for thousand times.  But he restricted himself to voice it out from his mouth in the fear of her reply.  If the hearts beats were like rhythmic music nobody could hear the noise but for him it was a thunderstorm; he cried chanting ‘please don't leave me’ holding her hands on his face to let her know that the only thing he wants is her.  Was the stone melted at least to its minimum! Was the prison undergone a tumor to make some crakes on the wall! God knows.

No response!  He looked at her eyes like a nomad seeing a mirage of oasis in the desert.  ‘Show some mercy’ his eyes pleaded.  The answer was invariable – no.  Whatever the answer is, to give it up is a sin; he continued to look at her eyes.  He does not want to listen to what she speaks but to look into her eyes, for her to heed his plead.

He knows love requires no reciprocal; love is love, be it given or taken just being in love should be felt as blessing. All those things were mere cognizant.  His brain knows that he could love her without her mercy but the heart is always an idiot.  Hearts never listen to brains for all the brains are collective mass garbage from the society but the hearts are roses that bloomed at the feet of almighty; it feathers only at the feet of the loved ones.

It was time for her to leave.  He could not stop the eyes from watering his fertile beard but he swallowed his anguish and held her by her arms closer to him.  Without uttering a word, he looked at her eyes to convey ‘you are leaving me in abyss’ she didn’t respond for he knows what her heart aches for.  He gathered up all his courage and said ‘Love you’.  She left.

The darkness was still, no sign of doors to be opened, and no sign of light.  His mobile phone’s back-light lighted the room.  With all hope he took the phone in his hands, cleared his eyes many times for his eyes were blurred with her images.  Looking at the phone he laughed. 

‘Low battery’

His mobile laughed at him and the back light went off.

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