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Fallen Angel

...She came back to me; from where is something I do not know.  But I know I lost her and found her back.  She was closer to me.  I felt her aroma nostalgic. I felt that warmth that I experienced before.  I closed my eyes in her bosom…

courtesy: photobucket.com

Centuries back; when I neither have anything to lose nor something to gain I was looking at the sky.  There were no moon, no stars though it is dark.  At a very long distance I saw a flying object that which my eyes could not reject.  It came, flying, towards me just to see ‘who is that looking at me’. Night could not have been brightened up more even with the full shone moon.  She lit the sky, with her angelic fly.  Her wings are soft and white like camouflaged petals of roses.  She is an angel from up above, with little melancholy in her face; she stood in air with her wings wide opened. 

“O! Angel” I exclaimed.  She did nothing but smiled at my astonishment.  I looked deep into her eyes and with no second thought I fell in love with her.  I raised my hands towards her, opened my arms for her.  She knows I cannot fly and I am no equal to an angel.  She jumped down from the sky and walked to my open arms.  Still looking at my eyes she said “you eyes were sharper than the sword, faster than the spear.  I felt you shot an arrow with your eyes to my bosom so that I fell in your arms.”  That was sweet to hear from an angel but I forgot to ask whether the arrow has hurt her.

She came closer and succumbed to me in total.  I was afraid that whether I deserve an angel.  She winded her wings and spent all her time in my arms.  She never let me leave, not an inch from her.  It was soothing to live in the aroma of love.  The warmth that she gave was godly for sure she should have learnt it from the divine.  I caressed her hair, lived in her beauty, sufficed my soul in her love, mesmerized in her liveliness, enchanted in her innocence, and wondered about her mischievousness.  She refused even the air to pass between us.  She rejected the time to steel the moments we spent together.  Those moments neither moved nor vanished; it just stays their but we moved.

I know she is an angel, she has gorgeous wings to fly and I knew she wanted to fly in the sky but not alone.  She took me in air far from the human spies, high in the sky away from any mortal beings. The world looked small and worthless to live, sky looked brighter than what I saw from earth, and she looked like a deity what she originally is.  I was put in a trance. Though the sun was near it didn’t scorch my skin, though the moon was near it didn’t freeze me to ice, though the air was faster I never had trouble to breathe. Even when we flew over the stratosphere I never suffocated.

Once in a while her wings hurt my eyes but she has to swing her wings to fly.  I didn’t care when it hurt but as the sky become older to my eyes the hurting wings started bothering my mind.  Brain know if she didn’t use her wings we both will fall and die, but mind said that it was, once in a while, hindering my vision.  But then my brain said you have to learn to protect yourself from her wings that was stopping your vision which is a matter of seconds.

I know it is not a matter to worry I tried not to react neither I told her the fact.  Without my knowing the dormant volcano of rage become extinct and once her wings stuck my eyes the larva of anger burst to its high.  Rage diminished my sight, anger enclosed my heart.  I removed my sword from its scabbard; she was frightened, I whirled my hands, she looked astonished but didn’t react.  I stuck her wing with the sharpest sword and I saw it was broken.  She was bleeding; pain made her numb, she could hardly fly but managed to bring me back to ground.  She wanted me not to leave her but I rejected her hand and walked away. From a long distance I saw her dejected and falling on the ground. She lifted her hands to call me back before she lost herself totally on to the ground.  I walked away in rage.

In shock I moved away from her bosom for I now know what I have done to an angel, hundreds of years back, which God has sent to me.  She smiled as if she remembers too.  She came closer again and hugged me with all her love. 

“Forgive me” I said.

“No…”

“Why?” I asked

“You are back, that is what I wanted other things are nothing but past, I have nothing to forgive for you are just a different body but my soul” She tightened her hug.  Hug - the shrug of forgiveness.

“I am sorry” I was melted in the warmth of her love…

Ghost-Writer

crtsy : virtualwriter.ca

Ghost-writer; none other than that role I play.  Who is going to believe that the story is not mine!  I just read, write, and plagiarize from the book that was already written by the immortal, invisible hands. Everyday is an anecdote; I read it and rephrase then rewrite.  All the blames, all the sins, all that is engraved to happen is not just happening but well planned and well executed by the energy that keeps me moving.  The flow of tears, moments of anguish, irritation of angry are all were the stones in the path I stroll.  I walk naked with bare foot, the words that are thrown at me were enthroned in the stones before it was aimed at me; it hurts but could stop me not even for an inch.  The blames and the curses laid on my path were the thorns well set for me to walk on; it tears my palms and when I fall down it stings my arms.  All this could make me weak but could stop me not from my walk.

I hold the hands of love when I was about to fall down and sometimes I fall down because of the hands that suppose to hold me is already trodden.  Saying all this I thought I was enlightened but the bitter truth is different; I was entangled.  That is perfect; this entanglement is perfect as it teaches me flexibility which I eschewed for a life time.

In the name of love it is all fair for no war is better than that of the fight for love.  Recite it thousand times the word love will be love, just a four letter word to write but to prove that I just not write but I breathe it is a task for a century.  I become good when bent down before the dogmas of fugacious community. And when the rules are broken all the thousand act of humility becomes insanity.  I’m named a sinner.

To force me to live with the society is like feeding a goat with cow’s meat.  To teach me to swim is an act of insanity when I was made to fly; water for me is just to drink not to get drenched.  I don't have the count of breathes I had had and I have no idea on how much more air will get into my lungs and how long could I breathe out that went in.  All that I know is I am just a Ghost-writer.  You could pluck my pen, break my hand, blind my eyes, may be kill my brain, and burn the paper in which I wrote but you will not find the manuscript; I am just a Ghost-writer.

The words are not mine; this story has no line, reading this will not make you fine. Nothing have I created new, the days I am going to erode this planet are few, as a proof of my living I don't want to leave any residue.  I might make no one happy, I live my life crappy but I will die not when I am living.

When I am gone another writer will be born.  He might write many times better than me, he might rephrase the sentence thousand times faster than me but he will again be a ghost-writer.  No life is new; no words are new everything has to be written then rewritten.  Until he know that he is just plagiarizing from the book written in the language of divine he could never write a story better than mine. 

It's still dark...

Hope : Hold On Pain will End

Like a foetus in the womb he twirled on his bed.  Not knowing if he has slept or not his eyes were tired to open for it didn’t take rest from watering the infertile pillow.  Windows were closed, curtains were on, the door was tightened, and lights were switched off.  Once in a while he switches on his mobile to see if she has messaged him.  The back-light of the mobile phone lighted up the room which irritated him; he switched off his phone and went back to his womb.

Looking at his anguish even the sky roared in pain.  ‘Do something, make her come with me’ was all that he prayed to heaven looking at the sky, and it rained. The scorching torments in his heart would take no time to burn him to ash; he wanted to hide the fumes of his burning soul.  He walked under the pouring sky.  All he could do is to move a little forward but the life force he has left behind stopped him to move on.  He stopped and she came to him.

He held her hand, it is soft as always, clutched his fingers between her fingers. She didn’t respond.  What would make her understand him? He does not know.  But all that he could do is to make her feel his anguish.  He held her closer as he could; her warmth gave him the secure feel of amniotic. He looked at her eyes she didn’t turn to him, but that is fine.  It all looked like a prayer to a deity in the temple that wants to bless you but could not move her hands locked inside the stone. What could melt that stone! Only she knows.

He took her soft hands to his cheeks and pressed her palms hard on his face, as if marking her foot mark in his heart.  Holding her tight, he placed his eyes on her palms just to stop his tears to flow out; No, to make her understand ‘I could see light with my eyes closed holding you in my arms but if you leave my hands all I could see is dark’.  She didn’t utter a word nor did she turn to him.  He knows that her heart beats for him, but she has arrested herself in her own prison. He is still finding the key to unlock her or at least a hammer to break her prison gate.

He could feel her love for him in her palms that were on his cheeks.  How many times, he didn’t count but he kissed her on her palms as if he is in his death bed.  His heart repeated ‘please don't leave me’ for thousand times.  But he restricted himself to voice it out from his mouth in the fear of her reply.  If the hearts beats were like rhythmic music nobody could hear the noise but for him it was a thunderstorm; he cried chanting ‘please don't leave me’ holding her hands on his face to let her know that the only thing he wants is her.  Was the stone melted at least to its minimum! Was the prison undergone a tumor to make some crakes on the wall! God knows.

No response!  He looked at her eyes like a nomad seeing a mirage of oasis in the desert.  ‘Show some mercy’ his eyes pleaded.  The answer was invariable – no.  Whatever the answer is, to give it up is a sin; he continued to look at her eyes.  He does not want to listen to what she speaks but to look into her eyes, for her to heed his plead.

He knows love requires no reciprocal; love is love, be it given or taken just being in love should be felt as blessing. All those things were mere cognizant.  His brain knows that he could love her without her mercy but the heart is always an idiot.  Hearts never listen to brains for all the brains are collective mass garbage from the society but the hearts are roses that bloomed at the feet of almighty; it feathers only at the feet of the loved ones.

It was time for her to leave.  He could not stop the eyes from watering his fertile beard but he swallowed his anguish and held her by her arms closer to him.  Without uttering a word, he looked at her eyes to convey ‘you are leaving me in abyss’ she didn’t respond for he knows what her heart aches for.  He gathered up all his courage and said ‘Love you’.  She left.

The darkness was still, no sign of doors to be opened, and no sign of light.  His mobile phone’s back-light lighted the room.  With all hope he took the phone in his hands, cleared his eyes many times for his eyes were blurred with her images.  Looking at the phone he laughed. 

‘Low battery’

His mobile laughed at him and the back light went off.

The Rain...

courtesy: google images

…it started drizzling; they both watched it standing under a shelter in their terrace.  It was an evening, the Sun faded away quickly, the colorful twilight dimmed faster.  Birds were earlier to their nest.  Clouds started cuddling up together to pour their love over the earth.  They could here the kissing sound of the clouds.  It was going to pour heavily, they knew.

You know why there is a lightening when a cloud kisses the other? He asked

She looked at him romantically and said come on let me hear your usual romantic reason

They do not want anybody to see them kissing, they blind our eyes with a light flash; just like you never wanted me to kiss you when lights are on.  He whispered in her ear.

You won me with your words.  Will you be this romantic towards me all my life time?  She asked with little worry in her eyes.

No He replied.  She frowned.  He lifted her face holding her chins and looked her eyes.  Look at me he said and continued I will not be the same but more romantic like we change our phases in life as lovers to husband and wife then to parents then we will become old holding our grandchildren.  I know what you give you in each phase of life.  We will grow more lovable and romantic as we grow older because love is like wine.

She smiled, rejuvenated with his words, hugged him placing her face on his chest and putting her hand in between his first and second button of his shirt to surf. 

This is the only shirt which has good buttons, my dear He giggled. She pinched him on his chest and tired to take her hands out of his shirt.  He immediately stopped her with his hands okay, okay no worries it is better I go without buttons than missing your hand there.

It was neither night nor evening; in between.  It started pouring heavily, looking at which she ran out into the rain.  He tried to stop her and called her back but as usual she didn’t listen to him. He could see her getting drenched in rain.  She looked at the sky to allow the clouds to pour on her face.  Once in a while the lightening made him fear but she looked like an ivory statue in the thunder light.  She played like a child with open arms trying to hold all the rains that were pouring.  He watched her without uttering a word, anyways he know she will not listen to him once she starts playing.

Come out, lets play she shouted.  He shook his head.  She stopped for a while and with open arms as if asking for a hug she nodded to call him to her.  Without a word he walked into the rain and when he reached her she ran away to escape his hug.  He ran behind her and hugged her from behind. 

You cannot escape from me He said.

I do not want to… She replied, leaning back over his chest and holding his hands to her waist.

I am thirsty

Open your mouth and look at the sky, drink the rain water She giggled

That will not be any sweet He said

So what can we do! She asked.

Close your eyes.  She closed her eyes.  Do not move. 

Okay…

He placed his lips over her cheeks to kiss.  The rain was heavier now.  She didn’t move for a minute.  I know you She said elbowing him and ran away from him.

Hey wait, it’s raining heavily and we are almost playing for thirty minutes in rain.  You will catch cold or fever.  Let’s go down and get something hot… He said.

She came back to him, closer as she could, hugging him tightly she reached his ear and said I do not want anything hot, when u are there.  Take me down, warm me up… I will not catch cold or fever… she said and kissed him on his cheek…

The rain didn’t stop all night.

A Walk...

courtesy : google images

Just like the flowers in two saplings planted next to next, sways in the breeze and kisses each other, they walked hand in hand on the road they strolled years back. 

This is my fate and I have to follow it.  I could still make it, walk with you all through out my life but I am blocked emotionally.  This is not the place for us, this is not the society for us to live, and just like everybody else we need to breathe to keep us alive, and live to show the society we are living she said. 

We don't breathe for others, love and affection is like that of our heart.  We could stop our hands from moving, legs from walking, take pill to stop thinking, close the lashes to stop watching, shut our mouths from talking but could not stop our heart even for a millisecond from beating.  And you know why, every other parts we have is connected to our brain but the cords of our heart is connected to the almighty only he can decide when to stop and for whom it has to beat.  Mine beats for you He replied.

They strolled in silence.  He never have allowed her to walk to his right as the vehicles passes closer by, and, she always keeps an eye on the vehicles crossing him with little fear on her eyes.  In the silence he moved a little bit more on the road and a car came little closer to him and she pulled him to her side.  They stopped.  She looked it to his eyes.  He knows what those eyes say ‘this is not the way you walk on the road.  It is not my body in which you can move without thinking about safety nor this is not my heart where I have only flowers for you to walk’

They continued to walk.  Sometimes mothers try to abort their baby in their womb but, if they fail, they do not ignore them when they are born.  They show their best love.  Just because they tried to kill their baby in womb they cannot be punished.  But I am.  I was punished for trying to abort the love I held in my heart but once I realized it cannot be aborted I endure the labor pain He said.  She looked down, clutched his arms tight and walked along.  He prayed that this road never ends.  She prayed to walk along to his home.

A beautiful girl walked towards them from the opposite side.  She knows it is dangerous to expose a beautiful girl to him than him to a car.  She looked at him, took his hands and wrapped around her hip just to show she owns him.  To show her that ‘He is only mine’ He knows what she feels and he knows now it is the time to show his loyalty to her love.  He gripped her hip and dragged her closer to him.  The girl approaching them looked at his hand that was holding her by hip and looked at his eyes. He looked at his love to ensure ‘I am yours, only yours and it is a promise’ she smiled at him.   The girl came near them and was little closer to him as if to dash him as the road is not broad enough.  A slight fear peeped out from her eyes looking at the girl.  She released herself from his hands and shifted to his right to protect him from the touch of another girl. And the girl walked past them with a smile. 

She is not that good He said and laughed. 

Shut up, why did you see her? She pinched his hands that she was holding.

Why are trying to retain me?  I didn’t show much love She whispered a lie.

Yes, you have not showed me much love.  You have not shown me enough love you can because it is very short span we were together.  I want to live in your love.  I know how much you hold in your heart for me He replied back.  She could not reply.  The walk continued.  God has started to paint the twilight with darkness. 

We are always worried about what others think about us.  And you always think about a temporary solution to suffice this society.  We do not realize this is just one life with very short span.  We live for others and others live for some others He said with little anger.

Nothing is left in my hand.  Only the almighty has to decide She replied and loosened the clutch of her hands. 

They reached the limbo.  She tried to walk away from him.  He pulled her towards him by hands and said,

I will wait for you, my love, I will wait for you.  My arms are always wide open for you.  Don't make me wait for a longer time as the life is very short.  If you have decided to leave me then do not regret sometimes in your life tears rolled down on his cheeks I have to respect your decision for love is not just lust but respect. And if you cannot come back…, lump in his throat stopped him from speaking please take care.  Love you. 

He said and walked away.

The Wait

He was watching her face in the light of the moon, sitting on the terrace opposite to her in the dark.  How long I waited for this moment and how much pain we endured to sit this way and enjoy the night and the moon he said with little tears in his eyes.  She got up from her seat walked behind him and hugged him from behind with her hands surrounding his neck and cheek caressing his cheek.  He tried to kiss her in that posture but he could hardly reach her lips.  She bit his cheek and laughed.  He played their favorite song in his mobile.  Hanging on his back she swung like a little girl.  He smiled and euphoria flowed out from his eyes to wet her hands.  Feeling the wetness, she tightened her hug and kissed him on his cheek. He closed his eyes to feel her warmth and swung with her to the rhythm of the song and to the song of her heart and to the joy of her arms.  The song reached its last line and stopped with a mild music.  He opened his eyes to see the moon, the opposite seat, the night, the darkness and the breeze that froze his tears.  He searched his neck to hold the hands that was around his neck; he could not find.  He turned to see where she has gone and realized it was yet another mirage.  He fell down on the floor and watered the thirsty floor with his tears.   Lying flat on the floor, with hands wide opened, he looked at the sky, dear sky, moon, this night and the stars to this world it might be a mirage but for you all, I knew, it is love.  I take you as the witness for what has happened.  Please go to her and whisper in her ears that I am waiting for her arms.

Next day;

It was a big railway station with all epitomes of humans.  He stood on the foot over bridge which was little bigger and crowded to identify him as someone standing there for hours.  I am near you, I am waiting for you.  Come to me he sent a text message.  For an hour there is no reply.  He looked at his mobile which is slowly loosing its enthusiasm at one percentage in every twenty minutes.  No the phone beeped.  He stood for another hour knowing not on what to reply and what will make her come out for him.  He typed lines after lines and deleted.  He does not want to bluff for he knows only true words could bring her out.  A mild pain ran over his legs as he was stood there for hours on his tough shoes.  He does not want to move but the same time he wants to ease his pain.  He sat on the floor just like a beggar.  He saw a board hanging opposite to him where he was sitting begging here is an offence.  Begging is prohibited in the railway station he smiled at the board for he could be the only one who understood the meaning that lied between the lines.  Probably many like me might have sat here for their love he thought.

A couple passed him.  He saw his dream in their form.  A little girl was in between them holding her one hand of her mom’s and one hand of her dad’s.  One among the couple in a regular interval bent down to her and said something to her and giggled at each other.  While getting down in the steps, the little girl stopped and opened her hands to give an open option to her parents to lift her to walk down the steps.  Her mother bent down to lift her up but she called daddy.  He gave a naughty look at his wife and lifted his girl.  You… you… get lost both of you her mother showed her sweetest angry on both of them.   Tears ran down on his cheeks looking at this scene.  Will she understand if I text her what I saw he thought but rejected his thoughts.  Plz go home, I will not come His phone beeped again. 

f

You imbibed thousands of dreams in my heart and you know every beat of my heart is a dream – Message sent

You made me pregnant with the dreams of my intelligent girl and your naughty boy in my heart.  Now, know what you are doing to me.  You are doing an abortion to me. – Message sent

I know I made millions of mistake but this is not the punishment I deserve for it.  I want to live for you…. Message sent.

This is over. Please, I beg you, go home.  I cannot come out.  His phone beeped with reply from her.

We almost live our life virtually as husband and wife.  We named my girl and your boy.  Do you remember how did we name our boy?  - Message sent

With our common two letters of our name third letter from my name and last two letters from the last two letters of your name – Message sent

He kept looking at her mobile.  He sat there for a longer time.  He looked at the board again “begging is prohibited in railway station”.  He walked out of the station to the bus stop outside.  Buses passed, people walked passing him, few minutes he watched the drama around him again the drama that ran inside his brain made him detach from the external world.  He sat there like a yogi waiting for Goddess to appear before him.  Hours passed.  He wondered if he has sat in the same place for hours together.  There is no time or space in love he thought.  Am I right in doing this, am I pushing her to do something which she does not like?  His thoughts ran wild.  Everything is fair in love and war his brain reminded him the proverb to give him strength to sit for hours more. 

It darkened.  No reply from her.  Let me give her some peace, let me walk out of this place He thought but could not do it.  He bent down over his bag and cried.  He stood and walked back to the station and sat on a metal chair.  Why don't you come!  Why don't you believe me! Why not me! Why don't you give me a chance to live, to take care of you in my palms!  He thought.  He stood up dropped his bag on the chair and walked to the edge of the platform.  A train horned from a longer distance for him to move away from the edge.  He did not.  The train entered the station with little higher speed.  Few yards away were the train he still didn’t move away as he was deep in his thoughts.   Come back shouted a voice from his behind.  He was bought to his normal insane condition and stepped back.  He walked back to take his bag.  When he was about to lift his bag a hand stopped him by pulling the bag down. 

She was sitting in the next seat.  He didn’t give any reaction. 

What reaction is this?  She asked 

He didn’t reply anything.  He dropped on his knees.  Buried his face on her lap and cried…

He was watching her face in the light of the moon, sitting on the terrace opposite to her in the dark.  How long I waited for this moment and how much pain we endured to sit this way and enjoy the night and the moon he said with little tears in his eyes.  She got up from her seat walked behind him and hugged him from behind with her hands surrounding his neck and cheek caressing his cheek.

Hold me and do not leave me...

courtesy: Google images

…he dropped down on his knees.  Don’t leave me.  I will be a nothing without you Tears ran down his cheeks.  I love you but I have to leave she said.  I have nothing to hold other than you, my love.  This cannot be the punishments for my mistakes, it is better I drop dead he said placing her hands to his chest.  He could feel the shivering, pain and love in her touch. 

I could feel the love in your touch and fear in your shivering.  You give me your love I will wash your fears away.  I will pamper you in my palms, take you in my arms, kiss you like a flower, and make love like rain and the earth. You will carry our dreams in womb and I will nurse you like your mother; will kiss you and tap you to sleep.  After you sleep I will kiss your belly for my girl inside you to sleep.  Let us bring our off springs to this world; a girl, in mixture of your beauty and my skills, who you will love you the most but stay always by my side. And three years later, a boy with all the naughtiness of yours and my complexion. You will give him all your skills and your voice to my girl.  For me and our children you will be our world, you will rule us like a queen of our magical island.  Sometimes we may fight and stay without talking.  My girl will peep in and pull us together and kiss us together.  We will kiss her back.  And without her knowledge I will try to kiss you by that time your boy will jump in and block us.  We four will cuddle together.  Your anger and my irritation will disappear in the love our children. Some day you might fall sick, may be with temperature.  My girl will give you tablet and your boy will lie next to you to hug you and cry.  You will sleep on my lap.  After our children sleep, I will embrace you with all my love and fear and take the illness to my body. When your temperature comes down you will crawl over me and lie down on my chest to listen to my heart beats.  I will caress your dense hair and will say ‘love you, my dear’.  You will kiss my chest.  In the sound of our talk our children will wake up and crawl to us.  My girl will sleep to my right and your naughty boy over you. I will make you all three sleep.  ‘I will protect and will live only for you three’ I will whisper in your ears. ‘I know my lovely husband’ you will murmur in your half sleep.

When I start to office my girl in her school uniform will come and kiss me to say a bye.  And when I call your boy to give me a kiss he will drag me down and byte me on my cheeks just as you do when I ask you a kiss.  I will make sure you eat your breakfast before I leave to break your habit of eating late.  In my lunch I will call you to taste your voice along with the food you packed for me.  You and my girl will sing for me when I am home and your boy will hang on your neck when you sing.

I know our marriage life is not complete until I support your passion.  ‘Your passion is sleeping in the cupboard my darling.  Take it back in your hand.  I can manage my work and our children go out and live your passion.  Once I am published as a writer I can stay back in home completely and take care of our children. You have magic in your hands go out and swirl your wand’ I will tell you.

Sometimes I take leave from work just to be with you alone.  After our children leaves to school we will cook together, I will make you sit on my lap and feed you, and you will feed me.  I will take it directly from your mouth the piece you are eating; will lift you in my arms to bed. ‘Hello dear, we planned only for two’ you will giggle.  ‘O! Really I don't remember’ I will close your lips with mine.  We will live for our children.  We will grow older together and die together.  And…

Tears rolled down on her cheeks.  I have to leave She said.  He became silent. 

Holding her hand to his chest in a hand he grabbed the dagger out of its scabbard from his waist. Hold this he said handing the dagger in her hand that was over his chest.  Are you sure you want to leave me He asked.  She nodded.  It is painful to hear it from you, my love.  Kill me and leave me he said.  She tried to move back but he pulled her by hand.  Placing the dagger exactly over the beating heart he pushed it inside.  In the sudden shock his heart beats raised but the puncture that the dagger had made slowed it down.  The beats slowed, slowed and slowed I love you he murmured; the heart stopped.  He dropped dead on her feet. 

Euphoria...

courtesy : google images

Those little lips sweetened his cheeks.  She poured the purest form of love from her mouth on his cheeks.  Though it is wet he didn’t want to wipe for not even a tank of elixir could be an alternative for those few drops of her saliva.  He closed is eyes but she wanted him to open.  She pinched his eyes lashes with her minuscule fingers and opened his eyes.  Once she could see his eyes opened she smiled.  He opened both of his eyes to see her laughing.  In joy she tried to eat his cheeks with her gums.  Love over flowed from his eyes and wetted his cheeks mixing with the elixir she poured.  However long she played with him she never gets tired and how much ever love she showers on his cheeks he never gets contented. 

Her tiny fingers touched his lips and pinched it to open; he has become a play thing for her and just like a living doll he knows when to respond and when to stay without moving.  She tried to crawl over his chest; he turned a little from his lying posture to help her climb on his chest.  Climbing his chest after hard trails now her accessibility to his face became easier; he lowered downed his breath as she is sitting on his bosom and he is afraid that a little heavier sigh could roll her down.  As if she found a fruit that she lost she bent down and bit his chin with her gums.  Slowly she claimed down to sit on his belly; to lie on his bare chest.  For few seconds she didn’t move as if she is listening to music of his love, the rhythm of his heart.  He started to tap on her back softly in a regular rhythm so that she could sleep.  

In the rhythm of his tap she slept and in rhythm of her breath over his chest he slept.  Few minutes passed and that happened.  The dam of euphoria broke, the destination of his birth is achieved, the moment he is happy to die; he experienced.  He took his mobile which he placed little far from his sleeping daughter and called his better half that is in kitchen.  She has cut the call and came with her lovely voice ‘hey man we have got a kid and you still want me to be with you all the time’.  With a finger on his lips ‘sshhhh…’ he gestured.  ‘What darling’ she whispered in husky tone.  ‘Look at her, see what she is doing’ he said and pulled his wife’s hands.  She bent down to her daughter’s face and laughed.  ‘sshhhh… don't make noise she will walk up’ he said.  ‘Hey she is hungry she thought its mine, it has been three hours since I fed her’ She replied.  As if hearing the voice of God she got up from sucking her dad’s nipple, sat down on his belly and smiled at her mother and lifted her hands towards her.   ‘You will come to me only when you are hungry…’  she murmured lifting her girl in her arms. 

‘Hey darling, come here for a minute’ he whispered and pulled her by hands.  Once she neared him he tapped her at her lower back.  ‘Idiot, see she is looking at us don't touch me’ she giggled.  ‘Hey only because I touched you she is seeing us now’ He said and laughed.  She pinched him on his lips and tried to walk.  ‘Thank you darling’ he shouted.  ‘For what’ she turned and asked.  ‘I felt like flying, I felt like a mother, I felt like I was in heaven, I felt like I saw God and this is all because of you my dear.  The best thing happened to me in my life - you.  Thanks for coming into my life. Thanks for carrying my life in you and delivering the gift of your love in my hands.’  He said with happy tears on his eyes.  She walked closer to him, bent down, touched his bare chest and whispered ’thanks for giving me such a wonderful pride that I carry in my hand and fed her my love’ and kissed him on his lips.  She went inside the room to feed her baby.  ‘Hey do you need help...’ he shouted.  ‘I will kick you out if you come inside the room…’ she giggled.  He wiped his tears and closed his eyes and murmured ‘Thanks God!’

Gift of Love...

Courtesy: Colorbox.com

He was on his laptop putting his thoughts into words, waving romance in sentences, coalescing dreams in characters.  She walked slowly near by, shall I sit she asked.  He moved his laptop away and said, come. He pulled her by her hands slowly.  She sat on his lap and leaned back over him.  You still need to gain wait he said clutching her hands with a soft kiss on her back.  Hmmm… once she grows more inside me I will gain wait automatically she said surfing her abdomen.  If she has to grow healthy you need to eat well, should be healthy only then she will grow well he whispered on her hear.  Mmmm… I will.  You just be with me the same way you are now I will be healthy, no matter what comes I will sustain she replied to his mild kiss on her cheek. 

…it feels wonderful to carry two hearts in same body.  Thanks for making me proud my husband.  She giggled.  Just two! No it is three he said.  You mean you want twins… she asked him still leaning back over him.  No, my dear wife, I mean my heart too… it’s just that you could not hear its beats inside you but it is within you He kissed her on her other cheek.  Let me be like this always, on your lap, over your chest, in the warmth of your love, in the lust of your kiss, in the comfort of your arms.  Let me be this way life long she said in her smooth and soft voice closing her eyes.  Yes you can my dear until my little girl comes to this world and sit on my lap and tell you to move away from her dad he said and smiled.  I know she will be dad’s girl, but remember our second child will be a boy and he will be a mom’s boy and he will not allow you to come near me she giggled.

Boys are always mom’s kids and I know he will be as naughty as you but my girl will be like me.  She will take care of her brother and also me.  She will become a writer like me and you boy will be like you; doing all mischievous activities he said and bit her ear.  Hmmm... They will be glad to get a dad like you she said.  No, they are very glad to get a mom like you, the best love on this planet He said tightening his grip over her.  Are you not feeling sleepy?  Come, I will take you to bed He said.  Let me sleep here, on you.  I am comfortable here she said taking his hand over her abdomen.  Caressing his offspring inside her abdomen he said, Hmmm… okay both of you sleep then; even I am comfortable holding both of my children.

Minutes passed.  Take me to bed. I don't know if your girl will be comfortable in this position for long hours she said still with her eyes closed.  He lifted her in his arms and carried her to bed carefully. He put her on bed and moved away.  Hey my husband, come here she called mischievously.  Tell me, my wife he neared her.  She held her hand and pulled him near her.  Be with me, hug me and don't leave me.  I want more love, more warmness of your arms, more acoustic of your heart beats.  Don't move away please She pleaded.  He lied next to her with his arms over her, looking at her beautiful face glowing with the light of motherhood.  Thank you mister husband she giggled.  I don't want your lips chanting thanks He said.  Then what do you want? She asked.  Mmm.. I want that lips that chanted thanks He said with a kiss on her lips.  Thanks again she said and smiled.  Oh! You want one more He said and kissed her again.

The lights are still on, television was not switched off, fan in the living room is still running; they both were cuddled hesitating to move an inch from each other.  Until my girl jumps in between us we can be like this he said with his eyes closed.  Soon she will jump between us and push you away she said and bit his chin…

Forsaken...

Image courtesy : http://chdandmedolls.deviantart.com/

I was on my knees, with my shunted eyes and little uplifted face, as if meditating, I let my anguish flow from my eyes to water the well grown beard.  With no hope that someone will wipe my tears I stayed without moving.  Chilled breeze scorched my cheeks.  I stayed on my knees to apologize to all the million mistakes I made.  My lips fluttered in the hope of her kiss but dried in the fumes of longing fuss.  I tried and tried and tried hard to stop the fumes or at least the sprinkle of emotion that my eyes poured out. 

I felt a soft touch of fingers caressing my hair.  The climate changed.  The breeze no longer hurt me. Instead of putting a stop to my tears my eyes poured out more emotions out, it poured out all that my heart was holding – longings.  I felt she was standing before me caressing my hair with her fingers.  She stopped me from opening my eyes when I was about to open.  I want to see you, I said. You could see me even with your eyes closed, can’t you? She replied.  I have no answer; I stayed with my eyes closed as I could see her.  She came closer to me, I leaned on her waist.  She clutched my head to her waist to feel her, to feel the love of her for me.  I grasped her hips in my arms as tighter as I could in the fear of losing her.  I kissed her on her hip. 

How many hours I held her like that I do not know.  I felt happy like a toddler, euphoric like a new mother, carefree like a saint, and safe like a fetus in amniotic.  My angel, make me a cloud I will pour my love on you, drink me so that I could live in every cell of your.  My Ishtar, blow me in air so that I will cuddle with your breath and get inside your heart.  My love, burn me with your light so that I could get in to the valley of your eyes.  Let me become at least a line in the wrinkle of your lips so that I could stay kissing you when ever you stay silent. My love, you entered my heart and locked from inside, I neither know if there is an exit but I lost the key. 

Slowly like a petal of a flower blown by a slow wind, she came down without giving up the space between us. I eased my clutch for her heart to meet my heart.  I grasped her again to fasten my beats to talk to her heart.  Her soft palms wiped my tears out.  Somebody threw a world’s softest flower on my cheeks, first on the right then on the left.  I took seconds to realize that she kissed me. When I was back from the heaven, as I was blown away with her lips, I wanted to say thanks.  When I was about to open my lips to say thanks she closed it with her lips.  I spoke to her all the unspoken love without parting our lips.  A melancholic silence prevailed.  We didn’t allow even the breeze to pass in between us.  The blowing wind spoke to us in our ears, give me some space between you so that I can walk though, and ease your clutch so that I could feel shy no more.  Do not think that only humans can feel this romance, I am part of you humans.  We ignored its words and continued our heart to heart dialogue.  Love has no time or space.  We stayed together for centuries. 

It felt strange when her beats became faster and faster.  Is it time to part!  My fear increased my heart rate as if it was ready to tear my chest to jump out.  In fear I tightened my clutch, intensely kissed her.  Slowly my euphoria drowned away, the feel of being in amniotic faded away.  Like the darkness paints the twilight with night I felt I was grabbed by darkness.  She disappeared from my arms.  It felt like being in fire.  I slowly opened my eyes to see what has happened, I was dark all around.

I closed my eyes and bent down to pray to the almighty to bring her back.  I heard the wind laughing in my ears…  

Desire...

crtsy: google images

The acoustic of aroma of her femininity was too loud, thus making me a man of capable of not hearing.  Some dogmas of life acted as hearing aid but the shadow of light – my eyes – demolished those lines of belief.  Her countenance flourished in the day light to make my eye lids act against the gravity.  I learnt that the aroma could conduct electricity when a high voltage current of emotion ran through my spine stopping all the neural veins to pass the senses to the brain.  Her enigmatic body made my mind stroll in the pitch dark forest in a full moon day, eyes grabbed everything but with trepidation.  I prayed her to walk away to keep my decorum in place but my hormones played a tough game against me to keep my mouth shut.  The shiver spread all over my body suppressing the activities of my brain to transport me to a world of trance.

Every time I commute to that fantasy world I pull myself back to my own place.  But, every time I pull myself back she pulls me from the others side.  She pulls me hard holding my sight as a rope.  She takes my shivering hands and places one on her cheeks that which feel like the feathers of the pigeon.  She finds the other hand waiting for her hands.  She takes the other too and places it on her hip.  The virtual softness chills down my blood, pumps my bosom high and my heart turns to be a hammer to hit the rib cage to break it and come out to see her.  So strong was the fragrance of her feminine nature, so strong to heat up the life long hidden desire, so strong to crack the vessel of opposite gender.

Desire is like water in a container with lid.  It is capable to blow off the lid when it is heated to the boiling point.  Her fragrance started heating my desire, my long hidden desire that I poured in my heart container.  Now I am afraid that it is going to blow of the lid of my heart and pour out my desire.  She didn't seem to be shaken or sullen with the touch of my hands but moved like a stream of water that fills the duns with pleasure. Deep inside her eyes I saw my desire, the reflection of my longing, destruction of my chastity.  Where is her feelings and her desires? She hides in her smile! I neared her without urgency though I know the virtual world of trance could suffer a tremor anytime and could break into pieces.  I neared her lips; I felt her warm breathe over my lips, her eyes still looking deep inside my eyes without any fear.  She moved my hands to her neck from her cheeks, my finger slid like a feet placed in frozen lake and my desire like an avalanche.  I slightly increased my grip of my hand she closed her eyes and lifted her chins for me to kiss.  I moved my hands over her hip she neared me a little to make me feel her bosom.  A high voltage shock spread all over my body, the surrounding was lit with a powerful beam of light blocking everything from eyes.  Just the emotion and her softness was all I could see and feel.  She moved her hands to the back of my head and tightened her embrace.  She melted me like an ice cube in the hot sun.   I was torn in her clutch; my heart beat reached a speed that of its max and stopped.  I closed my eyes to take all of her inside.  She entered in, my nerves busted, brain dead, blood frozen, my desire blew the lid off, my vessel cracked when I was sailing in the mid sea.  I was lost.  There was no question, no answer, no me, no she, no love, no god, no desire, no life.  Every thing was just and still – the enlightenment.  Then the tremor struck the trance world to smash it to pieces and pieces.   I opened my eyes.  There is no me, no she, no trance. Every thing vanished in time. 

Sita...

Courtesy : Google Images

…the deity of patience, the feminine face of courage and power, a strongest but softest female born on this earth – Sita – walked slowly in the trodden path.

            One good place, where the early morning breeze caressed her face and made her long hair to dance to the song of the birds and replenished her suffering heart, she stopped and paused her walk.  Her soul-mate, Rama, stopped too to see what made his wife stop.

           

            The deity overlooked her path that enfolded before her.  The surrounding was all good, with singing early morning birds, aromatic welcoming flowers, holy water running towards her destination with enchanting music and filling the duns with water to fulfill the wishes of the mother earth.  The soulful igniter of earth, the mater of all sources of power, the Sun, slowly raised at the long distance horizon like a gold coin tossed from the sea.  The wind was mild and joyful.  The apes jumped from tree to another and celebrating the moment for no reason.  The snakes moving hear and there felt no fever even after looking at the strangers in their place as if they felt they all where true humans that will hurt none.

            In spite of all magical surrounding, Sita found her path before her filled with stones and thorns.  She already felt the pang she is going to endure.  At the end of the road she saw the light, the masterful Sun glowing.  She smiled at the light at the end of her path but the smile didn't last for long.  Suddenly the burning ball looked like a pyre ball to her.  She smiled again, now, without joy in her countenance as if she understood her destiny.

            Rama looked at her to say “my dear goddess, deity of patience, I have told you the path is not so easy to walk.  Since you have married me it is not mandatory to you to walk on the same trodden path that I walk.  I know it hurts you but know this; it hurts me more than you”

            Sita walked near her husband “I could have stayed in the palace, slept in the softest of soft bed, ate sweetest feeds and enjoyed all the luxuries that a princess deserves but what could a veena sing when its strings are removed” she continued, “what could just breathing can do to a body that has no soul in it”.  She looked into her husband’s pure countenance and felt the purity and love he has for her.

            Every woman born on this planet carries a part of Sita, the deity of patience and endurance, in fact the whole of Sita. They have to undergo a test of patience at some point of time in their life in order to bring out the glitter in them, which is hiding inside.  Sita knew she has to undergo a great test that which will bring out the native nature of femininity – the purity.  What makes difference between the palace and the forest, for Sita and for all Sitas’ it is the presence and absence of Rama.  

            Sita walked on the thorns and stones with her rosy feet which ached but not more than her breeze hearth which ached for the sorrows of her husband.  When Rama walked like a Sun, Sita followed him like a Moon.  Though Sun does everything, moon is always enchanting.  It’s the Moon; its beauty makes anybody a lunatic.  Sometimes lunatic people destroy themselves and sometimes they try to destroy the Moon itself.  After long agony the dusk covered the eyes of the Sun and in that dense forest of poisonous trees Sita lost her light and fell on the lap of the earth and slept.

O! Everyone on the Earth,

Sita knew her destiny, but

She believed her husband would make it tiny.

Darkness covered his eyes, and

Sita’s purity and sanity became lies.

O! Everyone on the Earth,

Do not test the pure honey,

It requires not of preservatives any.

            Sitas’ of this earth are just not flames,

They are the source of the fire, do not be lame.