Thursday, February 16, 2012

Matter of mind..

Whenever I think about becoming a writer, some amazing writers makes me feel I am still a toddler.  And the language, whenever I miss grammar, when I am expressing something out of emotion and somebody points out  ‘you killed English there’, thou I wanted to tell them I am out of mind and not intentional, a bloody, sitting inside my conscious, subconscious says ‘you need not explain just express that is  enough’.
I was/is not a good @ voicing my ideas.  Be it in expressing my love, be it expression of my melancholy, be it expressing my friendship, be it expression my emotion, voicing sucked and the idea got stuck.  Group of living cells, living between my left and right ears kept wandering about hosting my ideas.  When reading became my habit and blends of books and writers amazed my thoughts, one day an instinct kindled me ‘go ahead blabber whatever comes to you mind and fill a web sheet’.  I turned myself to blogging.  What should I write? From where will the thoughts come?
I never had a thought of writing fictions, but to write you need a spark.  Where will you get it?  Ok, the spark I was searching was nowhere but in myself, my past, my life so far,   days I screwed.  What will happen if I add some fiction to it! Nothing will happen but nobody will believe.  Aha! So far I tried to prove myself to my mom, dad, sisters, sometimes my friends and lot many times to girls, that I am a good guy.  And sometimes I was successful.  Enough, what am I goanna gain by proving myself good.  Seventy to Eighty years of my own life, meanwhile I live, many will forget who I am and I will forget whom I tried to prove myself very good. So I promised, myself, if I write about myself, no Fictitious facts

I need not prove that I am good.   Just one amazing life to live.
Didn’t I have had vengeance? Yes I do have.  Didn’t I have fallen in love? Yes I did.  Didn’t I ditch somebody? For whatever the reason, finally, the  answer is yes.  Didn’t I have crush? Of course, yes.  Am I not in love second time? Yes I am.  Didn’t I have hate school and books? Obviously, yes even now.  

For whatever reason!  Speaking out mind makes life easier and I might not feel that I haven’t tried and if I could have, I might have got it.  I found scribbling out mind made a good vent even for a dormant mind, of course, mine.  Expressing thoughts, expressing craziness, expressing madness could look weird but that is a feel of wonderfulness. 

Wanna try really?  then you need to remove the mask!

Do it this way, one day: wear you favorite dress which could not sync with the air, but the one you love, an odd color combination.  Close your eyes and try to be daisy, the place where you felt like sleeping but controlled it, of course this should be your workstation.  Call somebody loud in the crowd, which you might have hesitated so far.  Go, say ‘Hi’ to someone you really love or like but ever talked.  Do few more crazy things you missed by your vanity and the so-called impression you have made so far. This one day you will love you to the core.  

Life may end in fraction of seconds, age may pass in months of the years and you will always hold a second thought that you didn’t do it.  Anything you do, be it crazy, will make you happy until you do not hurt others.  This is I believe, the only way to love yourself.  Love to be expressive.

You’re what you express. 

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