What Am I doing.. What Am I Missing

- Feb 7 2010

Its Midnight, no it’s almost morning and I do not feel like sleeping.  What the non sense feel I hold in my brain, I could not understand.  Why do people go behind love when it gives less happy and more pain?  Of course, it's not the love which gives pain but the people.  The pain I feel is simply like a feel of a mother who want to feed her baby with her breast, holding in her hand, which is just born and died.  The decibel's pain is more than that of a mother when she gives birth.  

Why should I curse the lady who gave me this pain, it's me who went behind her.  Does life just ends with a lady? No, but life starts there.

I can cry but I hold my tears just to show her I am strong.  In fact I'm strong not stringent.  I could live without her even; I couldn't have even told her I'm interested in her, what would have happened? I will be in my same couch.  I thought I had just one life, let me do mistakes what is going to happen if it sucks I can correct myself

or at least I will not do the same old mistakes.  I do not believe love is a mistake.  Even if a parent say love is a mistake all my beloved, please do not believe, because eating forbidden apple is said to be a mistake done by Adam and Eve and not the love between them and love is not something forbidden.

I was dormant, without even need of a vent.  But when I went active I could not bear the pressure mounted inside and I badly need a vent, ouch I forgot to mention, the metaphor is volcano. Whatever, soon as possible things should be fine.

- Feb 08 2012

I desire you.  I know I deserve you.  I read that entire world will stand by you when the desire and dreams when a man reveal to attain it.  You are my desire, my dream.  Do not fly in vanity that you avoid me, infact you need to think a lot about me to stay away from me and I think a lot more to stay by you.

This is a fairy tale, for my fairy whom I wish to carry my little fairy.  And the Love, I don't know why it make you a fairy and me, flurry.  My heart ponders as if I am the last man in this world to live in the middle of the sea, thirsty.  Bloody you can not understand what I mean.  Just stand by me, lean on my bosom, close your eyes, listen to my beats, obviously it would not tell you name, it has gone numb in you silence.  But you can hear the noise it makes like a little child longing for his mother's breast, like a beautiful mother longing to see her baby alive after delivery, like a loving husband longing to see his beloved wife's kiss after her rebirth in the maternity.
Gosh! what am I talking.  Will the air, the soul of all the love, carry my love to your ears or at least to your epidermis!
Listen my dear Aphrodite,  I not dwelling into melancholies since I miss you, I am preserving all that my heart pounds into my soul.  One day you will miss me alike I do, need not feel for it, the next moment you will be in my arms.  Miss you my sweet enchantress.   

- Feb 09 2012

Believe me I love to go mad.
Who is mad? I read today, one who lives in his own world is named mad. I am not mad, you're my world, and I am not living in you.   Believe me, I love to go mad. I am crazy about you.
And what is your modus operandi!  You don't even want to listen me! Know something? you're cursed with beauty and I am with eyes. The gestures my saccades captured were still in my flash, stored in my hyppocampus.  Learn occultism, let your soul walk in to my  body, feel my pulse, my blood pressure, my hypertension, you will learn what love makes to a weak heart.  Observer my vision of my eyes, listen to the soul of my eyes, watch you with my eyes; you will learn that I just not look at your beauty, your body, your lips and eyes.  I look at you as a friend I talk to when I feel leaning on a shoulder, I look at you as a mother when I feel tired and need a lap to sleep, I look at you as my child who will come to this world to give me a rebirth, I look at you as a husband missing love for years together, I look at you a my sister who needs my advice, I look at you a goddess to whom I can go on knees and say I love you as what you are you.

- Feb 10 2012

I Never thought I will miss you this much.  I'm finding a place in my brain to put a hole to let your face get our of my memory.  If astral travel is possible, I will never return to my body but stay with you all the time in you dawn to desk and sit by you to see you sleep and hear what you murmur in drowsiness.
Will kiss you when it is dawn and if you wake up and manage to see my astral body, you might thinking whether I am ghost or what! If I could talk when in my astral body, I would like to tell you I not dead but my soul is in search of you every night and day, minute and seconds.

- Feb 10 2012 - Night

Depression.  When a human body lacks serotonin, results in depression, and when it is missing in a large extent, cause severe depression or madness.  And Madness is what? I read, it is what, when you can not express your idea. Now what madness in talking about all these.  I still didn't go mad, but I miss you, but I feel depressed the days without you. May be your the serotonin for my soul.


I'm hurt you know! When many tried and failed hurting me, you with just words accomplished it contemplating all others, anyways congrats.  Just the bloody combination of ascii's hurts.

When one's body is hurt with any sharp sting, blood boozes out.  Tears of the body, the blood.  And what if the soul is hurt! Tears? I love the way you hurt because it is the way you are and I feel you will love me the same way, the way you are.  I owe the pain you give me and I promise you will owe the love I will give you. When my friend asked me why do I write something in veil? Pain is good teacher, no pain no gain, also no pain no love.  I have seen lot people criticize the failure in love, pain in love, madness in love and craziness in love.  I have also seen them crunched with the deepest feel of love and madness.  It's true, everybody is mad in some or the other way.  And it's fact, everybody touches the love in their life and its not the love that touches the human. You my love, Caresse me.  Love is crazy and sometimes blind.