The Search…

 

If you’re searching for Him, the omnipresent, the omnipotent,

The first question is to ask why you’re searching and

What are you going do when you find Him? That answer is the beginning

of the journey that takes longer than ever imagined or

Shorter that ever achieved; intensity decides the speed!

The external search – the idols, the temples, the venerated,

The Gurus and the Cults, different processes are important, so

you turn inside to you and begin the search again, listen

To the voice of the inner ‘You’ and identify the medium

is not external but you and the way is not on the earth but

inside you, the destination is not in the sky but within self!

At the end, which is a new beginning, you will understand

The omnipresent creates the omnipotent in one cycle and

The omnipotent creates the omnipresent in another.  The two are

the same and also different.  The duality is His nature and

Nature is His twin.  But to know the truth that the tressure is

In your own home, below your feet, you need to stroll

All paths, all roads that never was taken, all lanes

that were never been explored.  When your foot aches,

When you could take not one more step, then He appears.

He appears not in any physical form, not in any physical or

Astral plane but within you.  The light comes to enlighten you!

You’re what you are searching for!  Thathwamasi!!!

Swamiyee Saranam – 7

 

Swamiyee Saranam Ayyappa!   This six weeks with His blessings passed like 6 hours.  Every Saturday we used to have a congregation of devotees, a group prayer where we sing together and pray together.  This week was the last week of such prayer meeting and I am going to miss this till next year. I have gathered many friends who had experienced the blessing and miracles of Sri Dharma Sastha Ayyappan, especially this one guy who had an amazing voice and extreme devotion; he named his son ‘Sabari’ as he was born with the Sabri Mala Sri Dharma Sastha’s blessing.

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                It was a fine breeze chilling evening; it was not drizzling but the air was wet and minuscule droplets of water kept wetting the air, hair and skin.  The feel was good but the path become uncomfortable for the walk.  To walk without foot wares on the muddy wet road that was half trodden by the previous rains exacerbated the stroll.  More than anything I wanted to walk so that my legs get used for walk in bare foot.  The fear of treading on the mountains that too for a prolonged distance keeps me walking; hopefully practice make me perfect.

                This day, I’m not on the mountains but the road is worse than the rain trodden mountain slope.   My foot got used to smaller stones but here and there some big guys protrude and give tough time for the walk. The evening was perfect and divine and it was a faster walking practice to reach the near by Swami Ayyappan temple for the bigger Sabari mala Sri Sastha Swami Ayyappan temple.  The temple was crowded waiting for ‘Abhishekam’.  A small girl, should be in her six or seven years was in black carrying the ‘Thulasi’ malai and additional malai and an old man who should be in his eighties held her hand stepped inside the temple.  His age made the steps tough but with help he claimed in.  Looked like he is old Guru Swami.  After praying he dropped the mala in her neck with the sarana gosham ‘Swamiyeeee… Saranam Ayyapaa’ this is usual but what made me stun is the next thing he did.  Slowly he bent down to her feet and asked for the little girl’s blessings.  He wasn’t able to walk, claim the steps, couldn’t stand continuously for few mins and above all he is a revered Guru Swami and still he asked for the blessings from a little girl!  May be that is what Sri Dharma Sastha had imbibed in him, the real result of taking this pilgrimage to Sabari Mala for decades together.

                When I started this austerity there was a little pride that I am doing this but slowly and slowly that vanished.  This process made me think about my past life when I was a fool, when I was cruel, when I was honest but couldn’t withhold, when the mind was like a monkey jumping from one thing to the other, my laziness and my prides – thousand things to change. And it took forty-five days of continuous worship, which is the first time in my life, to understand the first step of worship and the meaning of divineness.  That broke all the pride about the knowledge I have gathered about the spirituality, processes, and different paths; I realized all that gathered were just written and spoken words and not the real experience. 

                After all these days when I looked at the statue of Sri Dharma Sastha Ayyappan, I felt he had something to say to me and I don’t know how many more years it will take to hear what he wanted to say and how many more years to understand his words! I pray for perseverance and for His blessings that one day His words will reach my ears and He take abode in my heart permanently!

I pray for the good health, wealth and prosperity for all in this global village.   May He, Sri Dharma Sastha Ayyappa Swami, be with everyone and bless with a prosperous life.

 

Swamiyee Saranam Ayyappa!!

The Real Penance!

 

The real penance is to put the rage out in the resentment! But,

the dogma is not to control the antipathy, it is empathy.

The road is tranquil when you walk with no sympathy or mercy,

the road is serene if the path is one full rock, or a bed of thorn,

it is vile when there are few rocks and thorns here and there!

When you are tenacious the rocks and thorns get sharpened

to check your capability to exacerbate or ameliorate. 

It is time to understand that animosity and empathy are juxtapositions,

and at the same time, it is wise to forgive the incubi, but

to forget the diablaria that it casted will make you only a jester!

After saying all the above the mind rested in tranquil, but

the resentment can never be resolved for the root is deep,

it is just human thing that divine cannot ameliorate but

becoming that divine itself alone can!  Thatwamasi!!!

Swamiyee Saranam – 6

 

Swamiyee Saranam Ayyappa!

                Magically 5 weeks passed with ups and downs in thoughts, tests passed, test failed, tests not taken but I still persevered.  Learnings are unlimited everywhere only when you humble yourself and listen and act without ego, all those learnings will reach you – that was the take away for the week.  Being said all about learnings and humility your own mind and brain tests you, shakes your belief and ask you what you believe you is correct or are you in the right path or why are you doing this, so on and so forth.  That is actually a test to check your perseverance.  That is the time when you have to shun yourself from unwanted opinions and keep your ears open and the message will be delivered.

                Who is Swami Ayyappan was discussed all over internet, different flavors of stories and conspiracy.  Should only men go to Sabari mala?  Is the forty-eight days of penance is required to take the pilgrimage? All these questions and different flavors of answers reached you because you have opened up for doubt so negativity follows.  I was sitting outside a temple and from up above a message was delivered – from the speaker over my head in the temple; “you have your own favorite God and religion that doesn’t means other forms are to be not respected.  What has to be understood is that all the other forms of the God you see is your same favorite form of the divinity in a different manifestation form”

                And of course, tell hundred stories of my Swami Ayyappan, ask thousand questions about the austerity but the divine energy is unbridled and above all our understanding.  This divine energy wants us to be humble, simple, truthful, human, generous, compassionate, empathetical at least in these 48 days of austerity and try to live a life of a yogi at least in these days and then start your pilgrimage.  My Guru Swami is younger than me but he knows Swami Ayyappan better, he knows this devotion better, he loves my Swami better than me and most of all my Swami Ayyappan loves him more than he loves Him.  So, being old doesn’t means you are better and younger doesn’t means you cannot be a Guru! And why my Swami loves him more is because whenever I call him Guru Swami, he always says Swami Ayyappan is the only Guru!

                Last year, when it was my first year, I realized that everybody around us considers the first-year devotee very special in fact treats him as the Ayyappan itself which made me humble than the humble me!  And I realized I was not that humble as I was thinking as I was is when two of the old devotees, Guru Swamis prostrated to me back when I touched their feet for blessings!  That is what my Swami Ayyappan had made them – as Ayyappan itself.   That is what is important than the research of who He is or what He is.  Thathwamasi!

Swamiyee Saranam Ayyappa!

Swamiyee Saranam - 5

Swamiyee Saranam Ayyappa!  

It has been almost a month since I started this discipline or austerity or penance or any other word suitable but that it is, a month.  What did I learnt from this period which I half crossed? Retrospection might give some answers but before going into the learning there are more realizations.  You cannot stop your thoughts especially the bad one, the revenge, the anger, the betrayals, the bad deeds that you did and the bad deeds that others did to you keep coming to your mind to derail you from the austerity.  Above all the dogma of this austerity is controlling anger and celibacy.  Forget about celibacy, I am following that even before this wearing mala as I am a loner, but to control anger, initially, I thought was easy and for almost 20 days it was like a cake walk but after which I started loosing control over emotions as anger peeps sometimes in the office, in the road, in the travel; good that the sagely attire and mala that I wear reminds that I should not show anger and should not hurt anybody.  But wait, it is not should-not-show-anger but the dogma is to not-become-anger – tough job!

Being said all about the out of control of the emotions there will always be divine help that keeps you protected sometimes on His own and sometimes you have to call for help but the call will never go unanswered. 

Once in the Chennai Metro train, I was sitting in a corner and doing nothing.  A young unmarried couple stood close next to each other near me.  I understood that they were in the trance of love and attraction – no disrespect - but they forgot the world around them especially the me who was sitting near without shoes or slippers in the feet. As the train moved station by station the crowd increased and the couple started stamping my legs.  No anger, I remembered, though there is enough space for them to manage to not to kick my legs.  I closed my eyes and called for help as it is considered the divine it self stays in your body, in the mala in this period of 48 days, I prayed He should be with me all throughout my life. 

From nowhere a big healthy guy came and asked the man of the couple about his Bluetooth headsets he had in his ears.  He started asking about its cost, manufacture, design, model and product comparison.  In the meanwhile, he pushed the girl behind and stood in between them and slowly she went back in the crowd a decent distance from the boy and me.  the new big guy continued asking questions about his carrier, job, father, mother and family.  I though he was known to that boy so that she went back.  After few stations the savior got down and the seats become empty so that the couple go seat next to me.  The girl asked that if he know that big guy already and the body said no!!!

 

Small or big, ask and the help will come. Thatwamasi!!!

 

Swamiyee Saranam Ayyappa!

Swamiyee Saranam - 4

 

Swamiye Saranam Ayyappa!  I’m no authoritarian to talk how others walked into the abode of Sri Dharma Sastha Swami Ayyappan but mine was not different from many others.  When the journey of life was painful and when I lost all strength to take another step, I heard this calling from someone very close to me to walk to the adobe of Swami Ayyappan.  Those are not very easy path to walk but not tougher than my life’s path.  Like someone walking in dessert with no water and food for days after days and when the mind gives up and body gives up to move forward, to take another step, to get up and stroll towards life and give up the sand itself I gave up on life.  So much of losses, too much of betrayals, unsatiating human hunger for money, so many sins and what not! All offered a shovel of sand each over my grave and that is when I turned my direction to a haven, Sabari Malai!

I left my grave and turned my back to those who were pouring sand over it and walked away to make peace with life holding the hands of my Ayyappan. I don’t want to avenge but begged all those to find something else to suck the blood from, I have nothing more to take away from me.   May be, may be not those things are trying to bother me but my attention turned towards something worth putting attention towards – the Divine Supremacy.

All I wanted is someone to hold me, pamper me, tell me not to worry.  All I wanted is someone who I can trust with no questions, no answers to expect, just trust.  I found all that in that Divine Supremacy just like many others, in fact almost all who walks to see Swami Ayyappan!

On my daily visit to the Swami Ayyappan temple nearby, before stepping into the main temple, there will be small one dedicated to the guardian deity of the temple and inside that temple I see a dog with its new born puppies.  One fine morning when I stepped into that temple, I saw that mother was standing outside the locked temple and trying to get inside as the puppies were inside the temple.  Though that wooden door had multiple open blocks and big enough for the puppies to come out they struggled to come out and the mother struggled to get in.  I realized somebody had locked when the dog went out to keep the dog away in the name of sanity.  I struggled to decide whether to open the door or to keep it the same way and walk away but then decided something in between; I released the latch and moved the door slightly so that the dog could push open the door and it did and I realized that the puppies were hungry.  And I walked away.   And the next day I didn’t go to that temple in the morning and visited the temple in the late evening and didn’t bother to look for that mother dog also it was not seen anywhere nearby.

Then the following morning, which is after two days since I opened that latch, I went to that temple as usual in the morning and it is my ritual to go to that guardian deity, pray and then move to next.  When I stepped into that temple from somewhere this mother dog came running and leaned over my legs as if showing its love for me. I said “it is okay, don’t do that” the dog moved as if understanding my words and bent down to my feet as if kissing.  I was afraid if it could lick but it didn’t.  I bowed down to the deity and this mother dog stood next to me and the puppies where inside and the doors were open.  I touched her temple and said “Thanks for the love”, she touched my soul. 

In general, it was not advised to go near a dog with puppies as it could become aggressive to protect her new born but this dog was different I showed extra love for me. So, this mother dog made me realize that even the animals know your intention just by instinct! It shows love when your intention is love and your prayer has invoked that divine supremacy. 

Swami Sarnam! Ayyappa Saranam!

Swamiyee Saranam – 3

 

It has been half a month since I undertook this austerity.  The search for the truth behind that divine power as different roads and as put me in limbo!  Whatever it is, whatever the story behind I don’t mind as my search is more on how to reach that divine power and not what the story of that divine power was.

Keeping the search aside, the days as becoming quite interesting as many strange things happens around.  Firstly, the mala around the neck triggers the empathy towards all the living being, not to judge but keep everything at the same level of love.  Every time I buy from the roadside flower vendors, who are mostly elderly women, I could see an extra bunch of flowers in my bag… out of love! Out of respect! Or out of affection on my lord Ayyappan?  I don’t know but their hand automatically pulls that extra bunch of flowers as if they offer it directly to their feet of Ayyappan.  Of course it gets to his feet.

I could understand the love and affection by the humans out of respect to the divinity but how does the animals express the same love!!!  Not just one time or two but most of the time in this half a month every time I walk on bare foot to the temple murmuring ‘Sarnam Ayyappa’ a dog lying in the side of the road walks to me looks at my bare feet.  The dog walks with me till the end of the street, which is its boundary, and runs back into the street.  This just not happened in my street but in other streets too where I pass to the temple.   To my wonder not one dog that walked with me had came near and sniffed.  

Only thing I understood is when you decide to go into god mode, not to harm any living beings, not to judge anybody, be sincere to what you do then you can identify that divine power and the all beings around you will become divine and identify you as divine.  The real meaning of ‘Thatwamasi’ will be reveled, you are what you are searching for! Swamiyee Saranam Ayyappa!