Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Waiting for a return…

'My Chubby boy, I am waiting for you to come back from your astral travel.   You’re still at 4 in my mind' 

I know, before I continue I should tell you three things.  One, who is the boy I am talking about?  My cousin, who was 4 years old in 2005 and 4 even now. 4 years even now? Yes. Two, what is astral travel? It is believed, during we sleep, we can get out from the physical body and wander around this world in our astral body, and that’s why when we see some people we think “Oh! I saw this guy somewhere!” or when we go to some unknown place we say “I have seen this place already”.

Three, what made me write this? This could be a long answer.  It will be someone who will hurt you, whom you never thought of hurting or will never think of hurting.  It will be someone who hesitate you, whom you will never hesitate in your life, the one you want to live with.  It will be someone who will not look at you, whom you never ever want to keep your eyes out of them.  These are the ground rules of Love.  Okay, one such hesitation, hurt, which had had put me in melancholy which in turn made me eyes closed, silent in my train and eyes closed in silence resulted in nostalgia.

He has a peculiar name, numerologists and astrologist calculated hell lot of things and the latter gave him the starting letter and the former, the name.  Danusha – that's the name.  He is the guy who cheated the experience doctors and may be the God too.  When he was a fetus, doctors said his left leg is shorter than right but when he came to this world doctors didn’t believed their analysis sucked, and he was a perfect baby.  When he was growing, the naughtiest child I ever saw.  When he was 2.5 years I was playing with him.  I do not know that he was hungry.  I was holding him in arms and I was talking to someone.  Ouch! It was painful, he has bitten me in my chest, in my nipple.  Hmm, most painful happenings are our sweetest memories.

It was when he was 3 years, I took him and went around for a walk and stood in the entrance gate of my home, by then he started to speak, with his lovely voice.  When I was talking with him something, he suddenly he shouted at a pretty girl walking by the road, “Akka, Akka, My Anna” He said and kissed me.  She smiled at me and walked away.  Oh God! In a minute I was shocked but with that kiss he mesmerized me and I should say, that girl too.

Before he joined school, our family separated, and me and my boy too were separated a 25km.  He started going to school, and I heard that he had never ever hesitated to go to school or not even a day he cried.  Slowly he learnt to dial my landline number and sometimes immediately after coming from school he used to call our landline number to talk to me and my mom.  We were very happy about those moments he dialed by himself and his sweet voice.  It gave us Goosebumps, even now when I think about what he spoke.

To trust God, you should be a child and to be in love you should be childish.  His love! God! Even God in person cannot give.

He fell sick, when lakhs of currencies was sleeping, few hundred was spent for his viral fever (as said by doctor) and one day suddenly fever vanished, he was perfectly alright.  I heard from my aunt that, on that day, he was talking, talking and talking full day, kidding his mom, laughing, giggling.  And that was the day when I was in train, my mobile phone rang and I picked and I heard a voice telling he is no more, that was his last day, after his talking and kidding he went unconscious and has not come back.  I saw his rose body buried in the mud.  I never allowed him to play in the mud, but now I cannot stop mud playing with him.  What bull shit life, what holy-crap, god.  I lost faith; I lost faith in life and so-called God.  Though I regained my faith, whenever I think about my Danusha, I will have a second thought on believing God.

Few weeks back, after my visit to an orphanage, Roshini; we, all family went to a temple.  My uncle or Danusha’s father was sitting back and I was sitting next to the auto driver, he started talking about property and money et cetra.  I never had interest in listening to him, since after the death of Danusha.  As the auto speeded by thoughts traveled back to the days I played with my boy, a part of my soul, and the day we buried him, and suddenly another kid came into my mind, Magesh, who I saw in the orphanage, who was sick more than orphan, who reminded my boy.  Auto driver hard pressed the break and gave me shock to come out of my nostalgia.  Auto stopped, and I was shocked, I saw Danusha standing before the auto.  It took about 30 seconds to come out of the scene what I saw.  When I realized the reality, it was a small boy who was playing in the road stopped the auto to cross the road.

Everybody said, Danuha is dead when we buried him.  I don’t believe in death.  He left his body and he is in his astral travel.  And I am just waiting for him to come back to me, as my own boy.
Okay.  What is the relationship between the hesitation of someone and this nostalgic effect?  I do not want to tell what relationship, but, yes, there is a relation.

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