Questions...

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It is just only the question remains in my mind alike everybody else and it is something that which eats my time and energy on thinking over it.  Alike everybody there were questions in my mind and just like many around, I could ignore not the questions without getting an answer plausible to it just to calm my mind down.  When I think about this, the first question comes to my mind is, what is that something I am calling it has mind?  There were technical, non-technical and spiritual answers but I am convinced not.

Every religion talks about the-somebody called God, whom I believe without my knowing, in different forms, in different terminology, with different jargons, and in different language.  When it all looked the same to me it was different to them and everybody though says God is one and there is only one, but in different forms, still they build a wall called religion around him and make His potentiality to go down.  Leaving the religion to a side, but from where came the caste and creed alike the painting on the wall of the religions.  This makes the wall waterproof.

If he is the one who created us, then he is the one who suppose to serve us, help us and protect us.  But, I was taught we need to ask for His protection through prayers and ask to Him on what I want.  If God can help only who does ask him then why should he create somebody who will not ask him.  If the final destination is just to know God, reach him then what next to do after knowing Him.

I know not any better meditation than that of a mother carrying her fetus in her body, meditating, thinking about just one thing; the well being of her unseen fetus, just like we pray to the unseen god for our well being.   Though there were mothers who lack in food suffers and there were other side where there are mothers who could not eat because they do not feel like but still have to eat for their baby.  Both looks equal suffering to me.  They were more than any Sadhus and Saints of Himalayas up to me and they stay more than any of them until they see there Gods or Goddess in hand.

Why things are not simple, why complex the process of well being.  Is reproduction the dogma of nature or the path that which lead us to God is the path of righteousness to walk on as the Yogis or Saints says?  Are the nature wrong or the Saints and Yogis against the nature?  Though there exist and conclusion that both were not wrong, which I could understand a little but I am convinced not. 

Alike everybody I am born, grown, and earning for my living.  Someday I will get married, earn for my family and children then become old before I die.  This, the routine process, mundane life of everybody, seems to me a never ending road with its starting at the ending.  When I hold questions against my belief, I could not answer why I continue to believe.  Though I could feel the presence of omnipresent force acting upon me alike on every living being on this planet, I doubt whether I feel it or it is just the imaginary part of me; a maya!

One day I may find a plausible reason for all my questions unlike any co-human beings or like Sadhus and monks who did so, and that might be the day I may go mute with the simplicity of the answer alike the great silent Gurus.

ssshhh...

…she fought with her want and her heart.  Her wants fought a good fight but her heart suppressed it most of the time.  She clenched the door knob in a dilemma to turn it open or to lock it to outrun from her emotions.  He clenched her hand and the door opened.  Her lips fluttered along with her hormones to crush her harmony.  The flittering was stronger and his clench was softer to make the damned dam crack.  The emotion she saved was like the water saved in a lake and there when it cracks a bit little on its wall the water rushes out like a wild beast.  It breaks any walls be it made out of concrete stones or hardened iron, a little crack would break all its mighty powers.  The sound of her hearts beats he listened which sounded both fear and lust.  All the laws of nature were broken.  Only when it chills down the rose buds tastes the drops of dew but the drops of dew he saw on her neck when she was burning hot.  All the laws of nature were broken.  The force of attraction was stronger which pulled him close to her and she repelled him with an urge that he should not leave her.  A godly force made them to stick together also with a little want to get separated, always the mightier force wins.  The crush in their heart played the music of love; the lust in their hormones sang the song of woe.  A mild touch of him triggered all the mighty force of woman from deep inside her heart.  A softer rose buds showered from up above all over their world.  The fragrance was sweeter to the nose, the love between them jumped taller than it could rose.  When she closed her eyes to his kiss she felt that there is no guilt because it was all part of love, divine rule to bind the hearts with the dogma of nature.  With their lust their love blended like honey and the fruits.  To make the blend a perfect fit, the honey and the fruit has to mix up, cuddle and smash with one another to make two souls to a one whole.  The world around them disappeared in the blend of the light and the dark to create a new world where there exists no one but they two.  The journey to that world was made by two and when the commutation was over there were only singularity.  To know each other deep inside them they commute to a far away world in trance drinking the elixir called lust.  Without love it was just a commutation into abyss but there were many who love to stay in abyss.  It was a never ending journey of the sojourners a fight between life and death, to kill each other to live the life of each other. Every pores emits the love, every living cell attracts the other and get destructed with each other.  The journey goes on and on and on till they lose all the love they have on one another…

Limit of God...

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…I saw God’s limit.  For sure, he could go no far than what I saw.  I saw the proof of His existence, a beacon of happiness.  I saw a little miracle practicing the art of ignoring hundreds of mortals making noise with their voice.  Nothing disturbed her not even the rattling of the train.  I felt she enjoyed it like a sway of cradle.  One among the happiest minuscule life on this planet earth, I saw, sleeping in harmony on her mother’s shoulder.  I know this little miracle for quiet a period she hesitates to come to me, even after all magic, tactics, she refused to come to me when she was small than what she is now.

And once I was on my way back I heard a voice that of a little child pulled my ears to it along with my eyes, in fact attracted towards it.  I wondered and felt happy, little bit of euphoria joined my happiness; she started talking.  O! The first time I heard her talking, calling her mom.  If it is something that could wipe out the pangs of an entire day it is a seconds’ smile of a little child.  No use running behind the venerable monks to seek happiness in life, they might even show you the God and make you believe it is happiness but then your mind might ask you a question

We are here in this world because God created us and is it real that meeting him again is our final destination? What for the other things around us?

Our brains asks little tough questions but worth thinking about the answers.  If you cannot see Goddess sleeping in a sleeping child, sure, you are going to see no God around anywhere.

I saw His limit, his limit of creating beauty.  I didn’t believe, when somebody said, that humans are the most precious among the things He has created. It is true He invariably worked all His skills designing the lives in wombs and manifestation of himself in little creatures in their mothers’ hands.

When she was about to get down in her destination station, she woke up on her mother’s shoulder and looked at in to my eyes to pour milk into the throat of thirsty.  She glimpsed a while and recognized me with a smile that she saw me somewhere in her history of two years on this earth.  Yes, it was a history she creates on this earth from the day one she opened her eyes she should have been observed to cry her first cry, noted with her first smile, made her mom baffled for her reason unknown tears, put her father in euphoria with her first noise she made, her first movement, first step, first word she spoke everything was worth marking in history along with the agony and ecstasy of her mother and her father. 

Every child is born along with a new born mother and father.  And the new born mother and father stay to be new born even when their child grow up older. 

Fantastic design of Him.

Mothers...

crtsy : google images

It is a bizarre feel to express in words but I experienced it.  It was like experiencing the presence of God though many feel it but seldom believes that they have felt it.  In this materialistic climate we least feel the breeze of the life or we feel least of anything.  In a weird mood with troublesome heart I was on my way to office in an auto.   The driver was not happy with the bargain I made, also happy not with the traffic police, road and many other problem of his and I was not very different from him for even I was not happy with the bargain, not happy with my work, the life’s proceedings, etc., still the life was on his mundane way of to and fro commutation to office and home.  The traffic slow downed the commutation also my thought process.  I looked out of the auto and something enlivened me with a bright, fresh, miraculous smile.  A toddler may be of three or four years old peeped out of the auto he was travelling with his grandfather with an effulgent smile.  He wore his water bottle in his neck, a napkin pinned to his shirt’s pocket, and a tiny tie.  He smartly widened his lips and smiled at something.  O! The Gods and Goddesses have planned and smartened their skill to create such a peace of beauty.  With his little smile for not more than three or four seconds, the time he kept his head out of the auto, made me forget all my pains, forgive all my sins that I carried all along my life. No wonder why mothers suffer a lot to bring these minuscule beauties to this earth.  I hasped his smile in my heart for it was like a rain in the middle of the dessert, like a piece of bread in the draught affected land.  I felt the euphoria, a bizarre feel of happiness for what reason I do not know.  It was euphoric.  The presence of the almighty around me, I felt.  The right word to elaborate that happiness was something I miss, I know, I will not find the right words to express that feel for my life time and I am happy to miss it for it is know only by the mothers.

It was once a less than a year old baby bit my chest, my nipples, it felt awkward then but when I thought about it little later I had happy tears and felt jealous of all the mothers.  I thought of something equivalent to that for men and I found not even one.  For the first time I thought why my almighty has not created me a woman so that I would have enjoyed the Godliness of being a mother.  Many babies kissed me on my cheeks and lips to make me content for life time happiness.  But when ever I see a baby kissing his or her mother, I saw blossom of thousands of enchanting flowers in the face of the kid and the pride, in fact the vanity, of being attained the powers and beauty of Goddess of love in the face of that mother.  I felt less content and urged for more.  The social status, money, designation and what so ever a man feel like his pride is not even a fraction of its part when compared to that of being a mother.  Unbearable decibels of pain a mother suffers during her patience in labor ward but all she does is for her life long vanity which no power could erase it from her, the only meaningful vanity ever exist in this planet. 

 Worlds best poetry is of just two lines, believe me, it is the upper and lower lip of the baby that kissed me.  If I need to take another birth let me come back to this planet, my great omnipotent, as a woman for I need to drown in the vanity of being a mother.

- To the feet of all the mothers of this planet.

Unspoken...

  A musical anklet continued talking in a rhythm disturbing my sleep,  I procrastinated it for a long time vacillating to hear it but could not keep it prolonged thus it waked me up from my deep sleep and put me in a sleepy state of trance.  Acoustic of the anklet in the rhythm of heart kept sounding not very fast also slowed its pace not.  It is an unusual place which I seen not once in my dream or the somewhere I visited.  It was not an open space nor a close cabinet but a place where nightingales sang along with the anklet and fireflies lit the room with its luminescent light.  The air looked as if the Mother Nature itself has camouflaged herself in a small room for us.

 

img crtsy: tumblr.com

Everything looked magnificent except my heart and its beats.  The acoustics surround soothed my throbbing mildly but it has given not heal to a great extent.  It all seemed to be happening in a fantasy world but I learnt it is not.  She sat next to me with slight sadness in her eyes and anger in her countenance.  The beat of the anklet continued that which reminds me the day I met her.  She turned to look at my worry bound face but without giving any sign of console she turned to look straight.  She knows everything I do though she kept avoiding me to near her, though she kept me away from listening to her voice, though she kept me away from all the happenings around her, I know, she kept a eye on all that I did.  She believed me that I would go not in a different direction that of hers, divulging from the path of divine love to abyss.  And now she learnt she could not tame me to seed the saplings of relation that is suppose to last long for till I die my last death.

Leaning over my shoulder she held my hand and clenched my fingers with hers.  I was entangled in her palms and shivering to smell the fragrance of beauty that she pours on my shoulder.  The clench spoke hundreds of words in the language of silence.  I could not explain my position for I misunderstood her and took a different direction.  I heeded not to my inner voice thus loosing the peace embedded in my soul.  I listened not to my instinct so lost myself in the garden of thrones and bushes.  I could not explain her for she believed me that I wont take another road that is not of where her commutation continued.

She didn't cry nor didn't I shed any tear.  She held me close to suffice my purpose of being around in this planet for the last time.  I closed my eyes leaned over her head and she on my shoulder.  I lost my fear, I lost my agonies, and I forgave myself but asked her forgiveness with a kiss on her forehead.  She nodded in acceptance of my apology and blessed me with a kiss.  We knew never again we will meet each other not even once more in this mortal world but the moment we were together is just enough for centuries together.  Number of years matters not in love but the amount of love we show each other.  Love makes us immortal and ubiquitous, and surveil over our beloved though we are not physically present.

It pained at the same time it was euphoric.  We spoke not a word but exchanged what we want to voice.  She stood and walked, I felt the pang of separation but I do deserve not to stop her for her destination is different.  She walked managing to turn not to me.  The anklet continued to sing, the fireflies continued to emit light, I continued to watch her, she continued to walk.  We continued to love.

A letter...

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My love,

Thousands and thousands of dreams I hold not in my heart, my love, they were just very few, less than my fingers could count but they were not just dreams but the igniters of my soul, the-something that makes me still live around.  The inferno of my spirit, my burning soul, rips my eye lashes and brings tears in it because of the fumes it generates, wipe it not but just lend me your shoulders.

Do not hold me when I fall down, a scar one more wont make much difference to my countenance, but be around me and say ‘just a small one’.  Don’t suffer my pain, do not take it to your heart but just fondle my wounded chest and I will rise again by your care.  I knew well that my thoughts are not a stagnant water because stagnant waters generates dangerous microbes, I love to be a fierce water fall and rush like a river and finally cuddled with the immaculate ocean of love of yours, just wait for the time for me to disappear in you. 

Do not kill your dream for me because I know it hurts more that a stabbed knife in chest than to stride out from a dream.  I can be a light in your chosen path; I can hold your hands for you to commute safely.  Try not to decipher my silence because I failed to do it to myself.  It’s in silence the God manifest himself in the human hearts, it is when we hear the voice of our soul, more than any human voice I am in need of my soul to talk, to clarify my doubts.  Hundreds of questions do trouble my thoughts, and the answers I seek not from you, my love, or in anybody I know.

Few very lines, I have, to express but the-what between the lines is all I have, to speak.  My fears are hell a lot, that which makes me to go back to my womb to close my eyes from the phantoms of failures, to close my ears to eschew hearing from the demon’s talk after the effect of defeats.  Scoop me in your palms, pamper me when I am exhausted with failures tell me that you will be there to love me till I breathe my last. 

Be the first one to celebrate, my love, in case of my success for all it is for you, a dedication for the precious and stupendous love you had had for me.  There is something, I forgot to tell you; my first dream – you.

With love.

One minute in Love...

Not so furious but as fast as it could, like a spear thrown by the hands of a warrior in a urge of war, like an arrow shot from the bow of a hidden assassinator, like a kiss of a desperate lover, like the powerful light of a thunder, the same speed of blade in mid of a battle; moving her lashes slightly up she threw a saccade on me and her eyes got stuck in the entrance of light of my body – my eye lashes.

 

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Not moving an inch from her eyes and moving not my eyes from her eyes I stared her as if looking at a sunflower bloomed in night.  Slightly I frowned when she turned away but then that doesn't put a veil to stop me peeping at her blue blend eyes.  I waited for her to turn to my side but she stooped her eyes to the edge and bowed another arrow.

Mesmerized with her sight mildly I shrugged to turn to any side.  I wondered to see the mystic mixture of love and lust in the same eyes that which emanated the light of divine energy – attraction.  Seduced by her eyes I followed her vision, at all direction she turned, hesitating to turn from her direction and putting my decorum at risk. 

Like the rays of morning sun light her brows kidnapped the glittering light from her eye balls and shined like the shadows of fire.  Every close and open of her lashes looked like the fins of a miraculous fish swimming in the deep blue see. Every kiss of the upper lash on the lower; I deciphered it has calling me close to her.  A profound meekness, proficient beauty, prolonged longing, and a divine crush I saw in those eyes that gazed me and little bit of her beauty stuck to my eyes and mixed with the lust and love I stared her like sunlight entering a drizzle and making the air colorful; making my soul beautiful.

In a minute of time thousand lines of poetry it chanted that of the force of gravity towards the opposite poll.  The source of attraction between is though unknown it felt like drinking a mug of legacy wine from the lake of miracle.  Malevolent it felt a little but the benevolence that those eyes spoke soothed the heat of guilt and blessed the heart which is little tilt. Thousands of lines it spelt the poem of beauty thus to prove that when stuck in the force of attraction and seduction there exist no space or time.

Even a word I dared to spoke not but there existed a conversation of days and months; a graceful communication and a hearty soul commutation.  Laws of nature are strange that makes us feel those are malicious on human souls but the moments like these make me feel those are acts of gracious omnipotent, act of divine presence in the lust and crush.  Only when the presence of spiritual flame is felt it burns the guilt that is held.

In a split second I closed and opened my eyes to burn the guilt, she disappeared in the air… she disappeared in the air… I smiled.