How much love...

Few a minutes it took to realize for him on what he did the past half hour.  As if the respiratory organs malfunctioning the air tried its best to get in and lungs suffered its best to take oxygen from it to sooth the throbbing heart not just because of what has happened but the because of the wild running towards no where the destination is.

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Not a good day to end with but when they sat next to next with no words to talk but with more than the enough love to exchange.  Both of them thought the heart of the other is traveling far in a different direction but they know not that there are no directions in love neither a road to stroll. When a metal crap was ready to transport them they got in with out any unusual disagreement.   She got down in her stop.  Though he heard the voice of her heart asking him to get down; he hesitated as the beats of his throbbing heart was louder than her soul’s voice. 

            He threw a message in to the air for all the angels in the atmosphere to tell her that he is longing for her, along with a text message from his mobile phone asking if she is safe in train.  Few minutes passed, she didn't show any light on his mobile phone.  He got into his train which physically carries into his place for him to sleep though virtually his soul travels in a different direction which is no different from of where she is. 

Subsided the patience, he rang her, she didn't pick.  She shouldn't have noticed, he thought.  Five minutes more passed he disturbed the air with his mobile phone again to reach her, she didn't pick.  The third time, fourth, fifth time, no response.  Slightly his rate of beat started rising.  His train blew horn and started moving, he dialed her number but she failed him again.  He got down from the moving train and started running, for a minute he did not know where he is running.  Little while his brain woke up and asked him, where the hell are you running?   He thought for no second and said, to her.  But where, how, what could have happened, is she is sitting in the station waiting for the train or something else, why the hell she not picking the bloody phone?  How many questions to answer but he has got no time, in a minute he wants to see her, else his heart would become dynamite to burst him in to pieces and pieces.

No time he gave his respiratory organs to inhale or exhale, dipped in the ice cubes of fear slowly his hands and legs went numb.  He ran wild to, a different, near by station to catch the train that takes her to home.  Reaching the station he saw the train in the opposite side, to catch, for which he has to take a foot over bridge.  Skipping how many steps he doesn't know, he ran like a wild beast in fear.  He got into the train and the questions started again, train horned, first place to run and search her in her station and then to the place where she got down from the bus, he decided.  I am not crying, nothing has happened, she is alright, he repeated with gray lines in his lashes. 

The phone beeped, just now in train. 

O! He got is life back.  Got down from the running train sat on the steps of the foot over bridge trying to catch his breathe.  He text-ed her of what has happened to show his angry.

As slow as possible he walked back to his station and got into his train and closed his eyes and leaned back in his seat to go over what has happened in past few minutes.  Breathing as hard as possible to sooth his throbbing heart he wiped his tears from the sides of his eyes, knowing not if it’s happy tears or out of fears.

The phone beeped again, why did you do that?

Because…because I am mad on you, he replied. 

Closer you are to me...

Closer you are to me, freezing the air is to me but the warmth of your love makes me stay alive with the blood frozen.  Like the finger that unconsciously shift the place from one to another to press the key of a piano you play the music of love with my nerves to pull me near to your lips and stop me before I kiss.  Never had I thought the solitude will pierce me into pieces and when I missed you next to me the chill breeze blew me away into to the space like the dust that has stuck on the life’s wall. 

I never melted down with your croon but disappeared in the space where silence is the only language love is the only force of attraction.  You woke me up from the ashes and poured me into the glass of wine and I drowned in love.

When the moon shone and threw the light on you when you walked along with me with fathomless distance of next-to-me-without-a-touch, I realized I am a lunatic, enough crazy to just watch you staying with me.   When your lips spells something unrelated to you and me, your eyes calls me to come near and take you in my arms, scoop you and walk away from this earth to a place where we and we alone could cherish, the place where you seldom wither to hold my hand and walk along.

I am bored of being young; faster, let’s grow old for I want to cherish the joy of being in your warm bosom when the cold winter wind makes me shiver.  You ate all my words and left me with just one word to pronounce – your name.

When I talk whatever I feel you heed it and put me in limbo, did I make any sense or not.  You never speak out that you feel in words but your withering fingers, shivering cheeks, glittering lips and spearing eyes talks a thousand unspoken love in the language of shy. You hide everything behind you skin and blush when I say ‘I am mad about you’.  Like spores that fly and land in another flower your thoughts from, I don’t know where, somewhere dropped in my heart and grown a tree.

The vertical limit for me to reach in love with you is higher than the sky; I could persevere but the horizontal limit which is less than an inch seems to be thousand sky’s distance.   I go wild when I miss you and get mesmerized in a split second when you spell my name.  When I said don’t leave me, though knowing it just for hours is the separation, you stayed with me to come along where ever I take you.

If you want me to live come along I can show you the paradise and if you want to leave me… if you want leave me… okay, it's tough but leave me alone right away.

With you...

…will lift you in my arms, walk long, with your eyes on me all along, in a place were no mortals exist but trees feathers its soft offspring’s over us as if to bless, you will sit in my lap and my palms over you hip.  You will close your eyes in shy rest your head on my shoulder and make me fly. 

When I play the lyre with-no-string with my finger over your hip you will sing for it in my ears and move your body like petal blooming out from its node.  And when I suffice my lips on your cheek the thousandth time you, in my ear, will whisper one more time.

When we are closer like the sea and the blue, you will shrug love with a hug closer than the god and an atheist.  ‘I feel a great distance’ when I say you will clutch your arms over my neck to pierce my chest.

They sky will shower its shadow over us when I am deep in your clutch and you in my arms; we will neither sleep nor stay awake.  O! Who could understand the state of trance that exist between the lust and crush like a thin twine stronger then iron.  When I breathe in your hug and you breathe in my neck; we will allow no air between us neither the light of crescent moon.

It is not embrace nor caress but the language of love only we could heed to live the life of two in one.  It is not the water caressing the fire to put it out but the river flowing in to the sea to convert itself to cloud in the sky to get together.  I will see you with closed eyes and you will listen to my words with closed lips. 

When to get apart, who has to decide!  It’s not you or me but our soul which has commuted into a different body in a confusion who is me and who is you.  We will neither sleep not move a bit until the sun warms our soul to clear its perplexity to find who is who and get back to its original body.  Though it’s a sin to get apart but it has to be committed for the mortal beings will pull their eyes out of the head and throw it like a stone to hurt us…  love is written in the language of nature you can heed but understand not.

Leave me alone...

…it's just that word which stuck in my throat stops the other words to get out and it’s when something stuck in throat it tears down the eye lashes and brings down the lyrics of love in its colorless ink.  Won’t I get a day to say what I wish for her to heed?  If it is my silence is to be blamed it is not me who created it, it’s the God and a deity.

I wish I get a day alone, alone with my torments along the side of a river under a tree in a shining full moon night, light sadly little bright.  Leave me alone for I wish I should cry all night till the sun shines and wash my eyes in the moving water of the river.  Leave me alone but with a little ink and some papers for it has accompanied me when everything left me alone, and it is something which I understood and when I cried it cried and made itself wet with my drops of tears.

I sing to the music of the space, the universe and write for God to read and change something which he could do that he wrote in my account.  If I am to be blamed for my mourning silence then let me live my life all alone with me and my silence that the divine soul as decided for me to do.  I still search, foolishly, medicine for the scars as if it is new wounds but not my mistake, scars pains too.  It’s not when you touch, the place that bleeds, it pains but when you take your hands out. 

Tears are not just liquid to touch and test its viscosity, it’s the mixture of days you missed to live, words you wanted to speak, something you are holding on to say, residue of heart, sweat of brain and cleanser of eyes for us to watch the lights. 

I don’t know what exactly, something that hooks up a chord of my heart, stings the vain and stops the blood that carries life cells to brain and makes me think with the beating heart.  And when brain wakes up it teaches that hearts are not capable to think and brain is no capable to love.

Not just one time but hundred times in a split second I thought to spell my heart with my vocal cord but what stops me from doing so, I don’t know.  I never prayed for somebody to heed my silence and listen to my eyes but to leave me alone in my abyss in ink dark night so that nobody watches me cry.  I stay in peace, but it torments me as if it came after bloody war.  I stay in peace alike the planet which I live and planets like each other in the space given to them to roam in this universe.

Sometimes, even I am in need of a hand to embrace my hair, shake and say ‘I am there’, pull me down to lap and say ‘shed all your worries here’.  When I search for one, I found I am stuck in my past and falling down into ashes like a phoenix when it is greedy for so much of light in the air.   I am greedy for love, burning in the furnace of life with the tormented soul that my almighty gifted me for my birth….

Leave me alone, I understand my silence and my silence me.  

Leave me alone…

Colorless Love...

She knew my heart, she holds its chord, and she often turns it on and off, restricts herself to come by for her force of gravity is so high and cannot stop myself entering her eye sight and get blown into hundreds and thousands of pieces in air like a meteor traveling into earth’s regime.  It’s a self destructive mechanism I offered myself.

stolen image from google...

I was idle, sitting conjuring something that has passed on.  I felt a strong force of saccade at my right, which quiet often happens never. As if somebody crushing a chord of my heart the beats raised its speed as if wanting to come out to see who it is holding the chords in their eyes.  I turned to my right and in fraction of a second a spear from not so long distance hit my temple.  My memory and all that feel to hesitate anything gonna happen vanished as the spear stuck.  I lost in my thoughts, in her eyes, in her force of attraction.  My instinct said ‘do not believe’ and I did so, I didn't believe my instinct.  Acoustics of my surrounding went mute but the air spoke something in my ears ‘you cannot refrain from the gravity of beauty and love which always go hand-in-hand’.

In my dilemma either to stay stuck to my right or to turn away generated pain in my head.  Brain said ‘left’ heart said ‘right’ my thoughts jumped up and down and came to a conclusion both left and right.  Like an insane toddler I pretended to listen but not listening, looking around the earthly objects but could not recognizes what is what, watched people pass by but didn't see them who. 

When my eyes turned to her my mind turned left to think who is watching me and when my eyes turned to left my mind turned to her to imagine if she is watching me.

If I were just particles of light rays I could have reached her eyes but even there she has a shield to filter me out. 

I reckoned, if just her one peep shoots my beats to the high I could not bear and what if she has to live with me.  May be in a minute I would burst and disappear in the air and – and – I don’t know what I wanted to become.  When she left my sight I strolled a little and thousands colorless miniature flowers from the garden of God showered from up above.  Aha! I thought, if she comes near and says ‘my dear’ I wish I would fly, reach the garden sky, merge with the strolling clouds and pull them over my enchantresses and shower myself and my love drop by drop.

For You...

…in my emptiness I was surfing a garden, filled with aroma spreading flowers, romance filled roses, bright and white jasmines.  As I strolled few kissed my cheeks few my forehead and roses, my hands.  Tall trees stood away from me in jealous looking at the kisses.  I looked at it with vanity and smiled.  A mild breeze swept the garden all saplings shook their head and trees nodded resembling the disastrous the wind could cause, still, the breeze, the enchanting air is lovable.

In the middle of the garden, all along with the greenery, she was sitting in her green sheath, little frowned and down.  I went near she shrugged and turned her back to me.  I touched her shoulders from back and turned her to me.  She didn't look in to my eyes.  I held her face in my palms and lifted her face to look at my eyes.  Deep in it she has a deep feeling to share but she hid it with all her smile.

Her eyes said: I want to tell you something, my heart, my beats, my soul, but I lost my words in the valley of unconditional love, that I value more than my life. 

Love always makes shed tears but tears are something that makes life easier, to cover the language of eyes and make it tough for translation, and drowns the heart in the mid-deep sea of love.

“Take my shoulders” I said “rest your sorrows on it; I do not want to hear your suffering but give it to me, shed your tears on my bosom.  I can carry it for you all along this life” I looked into her eyes which by then wrote thousand proses of her torments in silver lines.

I took her in my arms, close to my heart.  Read for her “when you have courage to say goodbye to a less worth relationship, life will allow you to say hi to a new relation.  Everything has to change drop all you vain, wait for the sunshine” She cried.

I caressed her hair to suppress her fumes from her burning soul.  She crouched like a womb tightening her grip over my neck and buried her head on my bosom. “I can be you mother, if you want” I said.

Twinkling Stars

…for the first time when she walked by my side, a bunch of beauty in black from her untangled hair caressed my cheek which drove me to the third dimension of the world, a sharp sting of hormone pierced every part of my physic and the god hormone, love, pierced my psychic body.  I stood stunned.

Walking few a steps ahead, she arrowed her saccades on me; I escaped.  She took a bunch of her untangled hair, shrunk her eye lashes to aim at me and threw her hair towards me.  I neither moved nor reacted.  I stood still, stunned.

With her power of beauty, tied me up, pulled me towards her and suddenly she threw me in air.  Blunt were my power in air.  I swirled, fled like a leaf in storm with aim to land no where, in the bright blue sky where I fly turned dark as if I am going to die.  Fast as possible I was dropped down from the sky to hit the ground and break my bone. 

She saw me falling down and spread her piece of wardrobe to catch me before I die.  Smoothly I landed on the ground with spinning heads, blurred vision, and giddiness. She stood looking at me, when I got clarity in my sight, staring at the game she played.

Could not withstand the giddiness and her beauty I knelt down before her with complete surrender but looking at her light emitting florescent eyes.  Alike petals move apart from one another when rose blooms, she took step after step and reached me slowly. 

Bending down towards me, she looked me eye to eye, scent of beauty spread all over my body.  She brought her finger close to my cheeks, without touching; she moved it to my lips.  I closed my eyes to enjoy the touch but for a long time nothing sufficed me and when I opened my eye she placed her foot on my bare warm chest.  That was a sudden shock which wide opened my eyes and made me look at the blue sheath above. 

My warmth subsided; a painful chillness started spreading across my nervous slowly through out my body and suddenly it spread across rapidly freezing parts of my mortal body one after the other I went blind, deaf, and dumb.  When it reached my brain I became insane.  Without any problem in travel through my vein it froze my heart. 

Two full beats followed by a single complete beat, then another beat which could not be completed and another which could not even start.  I went mute. Totally frozen from my head to toe, kneeling before her like defeated foe.  She smiled at the ice statue of the one who admired her, taking her leg away from my chest.

Looking at the sky she made some gestures then clouds gathered together and withered.  Sharpest of sharp thunder, emerged from the coalesced clouds, hit my statue with all the power it has got.  I shattered in to hundreds of pieces and thrown away into air.  Looking at which she blew her breathe towards the flying shattered piece in sky, I flew high and high.  When pressure increased in atmosphere I scattered into thousands and again into millions of pieces all over this universe.  She blew a kiss into the air and when smiled her eyes flattering and shining, directed the lights from her eyes to the flying scattered pieces, I started to glow reflecting her eyes.  She looked at me shining and called all the pieces as twinkling stars.

Crazy me.



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