Thursday, February 10, 2011

Hi God!

Damn Disclaimer;

1. I believe in God.

2. My reader, please don’t even bother about the spelling mistakes as this is not intended for you.

Hi God!

Should I ask you “How are you doing?” Don’t know, but still, how are things?

Don’t know why I write this to and why here. I want you to know my heart or at least who you are? to all. Do you remember the name “Danusha” my cute, awesome, soft, little doll? My cousin, or my dad’s younger brother’s son. Yeah, He is my uncle in English, but doesn’t worth that much for me, If I have to call him like that when I write then let me stop here.

Remember the day I have cut my hand with a blade to remove a yellow string in my hand, named blessed by you, blood all over my living room, applied coffee powder to stop the blood and finally blood got freeze after fifteen minutes.

Still didn’t remember? Wait, I will roll back.

An Saturday in 2005 November, I got a call from my native when I was back to home from my NIIT class which made me to shutdown my eyes in tears to thing about the day, a week before diwali of 2005 when Danusha came running to me when my Uncle aunt, Rakesh was nearing my home and caught my neck tight and kissed me in my checks with thousands and thousands of flourishing flowery happiness. And I took Danusha in my hand to a nearby shop; bought a pair of plastic cricket bat and a toy sun glass to make him happy, when I came back from the shop, he ran to his father and asked him to wear the glass and he turned to me and asked

“Annaaaa, Appa is looking like Vadivelu no!” he laughed, everybody around him laughed. He was too naughty and too loving. That day was filled with joy, I rejoice it even today.

O! My God, Still you didn’t remember my Danusha?

I have given him lots of crackers when he left from my home. Next day evening he called my mom and when I came home from college my mom told me that Danusha called our landline on his own and she also told me that he was talking to his small friends about me always about the cracker I gave him. Yes, he was just 3.5 years old then and he know only our landline number. He loved my mom more than me. Many a times I thought he could have born with me to rejoice me all time.

I traveled back from my virtual travel to real train travel and I called my home to tell about the call I received from my elder cousin in native. Yes, my cousin phoned me and told that my Danusha was ill and they took him to the local hospital and damn, he is no more.

DAMN GOD! You still cannot remember him from my tears?

Sorry for that God. I could not control myself. Sorry.

I messaged my friend. She is in another compartment. When I got down she waited for me to slow down my emotion. She knows how emotional I am. Even you know my dear GOD! I took an ticket to my native, ran to home and when I reached my dad stood with an BP tablet in hand to control his pressure to tell my mom, my Danusha’s beloved mom.

We travel in train to reach our native to reach in an hour and you should remember my God, I was praying the call should be a wrong call though I know it’s my cousin called. We took an auto to reach the home where my Danusha laid reluctant to open his eyes to

see me,

drag me,

hug me, and

kiss me.

What type of God you are? You create hearts and you don’t have one! You designed hearts and insert blocks into the veins!

Do you want a sorry again? I am sorry, you don’t deserve this time.

My boy laid without heart beat. Mr. God, I even asked you to take my beats to wake him up! Why didn’t you do that? You have crushed a world’s most beautiful flower with your legs leaving all craps in this world. What did he do to you? Or you love him more than me? Damn, I bet not possible.

Don’t you remember my prayers wherein I told you I want to grow him up in my money?

You know I worried why I have worried that I have only two eyes to see him when he throws me a flying kiss and now I am worried why you gave eyes to see him laid without talking to me!

Whole night I didn’t even dare to close my eyes also dare to turn see my boy laid.

Hello Mr. Omnipotent! Are you listening?

Next day many crowded to cry and make me to feel like hanging myself then and there, so that I can go with him. Evening, Aha! You have put me in to such a satiation of yours to cry enough when I carried cold water to pour on him when he did even shook his single part of his flowery body. He was then put into a cradle to be carried to damn burial ground. I only saw him shouting from his cradle to call me “Annaaaaaaaaaa” now he did not speak to me

God You doesn’t exist! Shame on you. Who the hell asked you to create humans and feed them a feel “so called” Love.

And you know Mr. God when I was walking with my boy in cradle, a woman on road side asked me what happened? I felt like slapping her down to death.

I saw him for the last time when he is buried when I felt like getting inside the pit to sleep with him making him to hug me as he always do when we sleep together.

It rained then. Did you cry? Don’t bluff.

Will you say you still don’t remember him?

I know you took him? Now tell me how is he in Heaven? You selfish God you are playing with him and made me to cry all days. I want you to know I love him until I have a heart and

Please take care of him. Please! I beg you do not do this to anybody. You can be duff and dumb when somebody ask you something but how the hell you can think that I can answer when my aunty asked me

“Did you leave you Danusha in rain?” when I am back. Be Happy with him Mr. God. I won’t curse you; after all I am a rational animal not God.

Now do me a favor, can you tell him I still Love him and will love him for my life time and I see him in all beautiful flowers.

I have gratitude to my friend who cared about me to ask me whether I had food for next one week and calmed me down with her friendly words. Thank God! You have created something called friendship but you are not that good when another one asked me why cann’t you tell me this first to me!

I stop here, though I have more, I cannot write or think about this anymore sorry!

I believe in you my God, I believe, but promise me you will give me my Danusha back rejoicing me and my wife.

Thank You, With Love, Sathish.

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