First flight (2/2)

First flight (1/2) :  http://daystillinmind.blogspot.in/2012/03/first-flight-12.html 

It happens with all of us I guess; when we fear something it looks as if everybody talks something about it, aha, and certainly not to reduce the fear.

I was sitting, waiting, watching, wandering but time seemed to move slowly.  In the meanwhile few politicians crossed with securities surrounding, a newly married couple, and some funny passengers dragging their bag on the floor.

Cloak finally showed some courtesy and ticked 0700pm, I moved inside from the waiting hall.  In the flight arrival and departure display screen, it showed the flight delayed and expected departure is at 0830pm.  Everybody, who supposes to board the same flight I suppose to, crowded the paramount attendant.  He was patiently answering his customers and wore a fake smile in his face.  I felt hungry; still I waited for flight and food in flight. 

“There is air craft maintenance happening, so we do not have flight to fly now and also the pilot who suppose to fly, is in Cochin airport, so a flight  from Chennai to Cochin will take the pilot to Chennai from where the pilot needs to fly to Trivandrum to take you all to Chennai” said the attendant

Oh my God!  It looked very complex.  My first fly would be sucked I thought.  Still I kept myself waiting meanwhile all old passengers (I mean not traveling first time) started shouting at the attendant.  And for my wonder a pretty girl, out of angry, used F-word to him.  Attendant, was very patient, I could see him literally crying but kept smiling even at the F-word.  I still could recollect his face and reactions.   Looked funny but it was a very sad situation for him.  May be he could have faced this lot many times.  Time went very slow, nothing much to look around or may be out of fright I didn’t see anything interesting around.  Time ticked 08.20pm again crowd gathered around the attendant to inquire about the flight delay, he called somebody and after 5minutes he said the flight is delayed by another one hour and thirty minutes.  So flight the departure time could be 10.00pm.  Tension increased in the air and my stomach started asking something to rejunuvate its flesh.  Meanwhile kingfisher flight got canceled and all passengers started leaving the airport, kingfisher airlines arranged a hotel for them.  So I concluded that I am not going to fly today.   Time passed, and when it was about to 10.30 the same fake-smile attendant said the air craft is on its way to Chennai so the pilot will fly back to Trivandrum before 11.30pm.  As if a small piece of flesh is thrown in the middle of the hungry tigers, He stood in the middle of the crowd and patiently listened to all screaming’s and I didn’t even feel like talking to him because I could see silvery tears which hasn’t come out of his eyes, thou he kept holding his smile. 

11.30pm: the attendant announced the air craft is on its way to Trivandrum and confirmed the departure time as 12.00am.  Now I started imagining what all going to happen if flight if it starts by 12.00 and how will be Chennai react to me when I reach (if you didn’t understand here on what Chennai will react, please wait for few more line)

12.00am:  I saw the dirty air craft which looked almost like a bull redesigned.  When I stepped in, a girl in her professional air hostess (the profession which I never ever prescribed to anybody) black dress, but looked like a devil in disguise (a beautiful devil to be frank) welcomed me inside and smiled.  Probably I was the one passenger who smiled back at her.  She said ‘Vannakam’ and ‘Namasthe’ to welcome me in.  Probably she would have had confusion whether to say ‘good evening’ or ‘good morning’ since it passed 12.00 am.  The Ambience was not so good (in fact bad) I searched my seat, sat and was wondering what next.

Everybody got settled downed.  Two air hostesses stood in the way, between seats in ‘attention’.   I was wondering ‘what is happening!’ One air hostesses picked up the announcement mic and started on how to blow and use the safety jacket, oxygen vent etc., bloody beautiful devils don’t scare me I thought.  Air craft was about to start, an announcement from the air hostesses sounded to fasten the seat belt.  Now I was cautious not to do a mistake here as I many Indian movies has this funny scenes with the seat belt and co-passenger laughing at.  Hmm! Tough time ya! I pulled my seat belt which was lying between my seat and the next. 

“Oh! What happened?” my co-passenger, sitting next to me screamed. 

“Hey, nothing I am just fastening my seat belt” I replied

“Oh fine, but that’s mine” said my co-passenger pointing his finger at the belt I was trying to pull

“Is it, dim lights” I said.  He didn’t reply anything. Thank god.

When the flight was about to start everybody took a piece of cotton and dumped it in their ears, I have seen this in movies but then, I thought it’s just to avoid noise.  But, suddenly my ears went numb the moment flight took off.  I was not able to hear anything for a while; it persisted till the plane was in its inclined motion. And it was alright when the air craft started its flat travel.

“Since it has already crossed midnight, we are not going to provide you food” announcement from the air hostesses

“O! Gosh.  I am not going to forget this travel for my life time” I thought

“But” continued the announcement “we will provide you snack”

We have been provided with sandwich and a fruity (If remember it properly)

Oh! I forgot something I still didn’t remove my tie.  But then I thought let it be I could give a genuine look at least. 

Flight reached Trichy airport in another 45 minutes from there it started to Chennai. 

I was given a feedback sheet in which I marked excellent to everything like hospitality, service, ambiance etc., and in the comments column I wrote “after long time I was this much hungry, now I have blur vision because of my hungry, so do not believe whatever I ticked about”

Flight reached Chennai airport by 2.00 AM.  I hired a cab to reach Chennai central station in another 25 minutes.  Neatly dressed, a small bag in hand, and a tie and it is mid-night.  Everything mismatched Chennai at early morning.  I walked into station to sit in a waiting hall chair and take a nap since the first train starts only by 4.20AM.  The very moment I stepped inside the station a police man screamed “Hey, where are you going?”  When I turned he was walking towards me.  Sweeping his stick in air he said get out.  Oh My God! Where will I go?

I came out, stood in the road for some time, my legs started aching since was tired and sleepy, so I sat in the road till 4.00AM (for which I was waiting my clock to tick) and finally entered into station and go into the train, train started and I kept telling myself “do not sleep, do not sleep, do not sleep” and with that lullaby I slept.  Somehow when the train reached my station I got up.  I reached home by 6.30am, early morning.  What an experience, finally I made it (bull shit, if I have taken train from Trivandrum, I could have reached the same time more comfortably).  Anyways I could smile thinking about the moments which screwed me.

 

Stuck in love..

You came into my life

as

An fix for my problematic code

But

with

warnings

***

Hey!  

If you can really feel

How much I miss you,

You will not take

A Minute to tell me

‘Love you’

***

Telling you

‘I love you’

Is just a matter of a second!

This makes no sense.

I wanna you to

Sense how badly

I am mad on you

***

My restless clock ticks,

Without a stuck – but

I am stuck in the very second, when

I was closer to you,

looked into your eyes,

said sorry.

***

It is said: Heart is controlled by God – and

all other parts by brain. O!

My heart ponders the moment you cross

Love! You control my heart - and

my heart controls my brain – to

think nothing other than you.

***

Do not use my heart - as

the scabbard for your silence-sword

***

I am stuck in love – and

You between my lashes

 ***

I am not in love with you -  hey wait!

I am searching 'I' in you

Can not understand?  - Oh! I know 

you will take time. 
I said

I am lost in you. 

***

First flight… (1/2)

It was just one week later I reached Trivandrum for my new job.

A clean, plain road, middle of the woods, both the side of the road covered with well grown willow trees.  Yellow flowers all over the road, dim orange color leafs all over the woods and at bottom right corner an orange color flashed, it was my Internet explorer which I minimized after entering my debit card number to pay Rs.3500 for my flight ticket in makemytrip.com.  I clicked on the blinking orange flash, internet explorer opened and a laughed, after looking at it.  There is a difference between smile and laugh I feel. Internet explorer read ‘Service unavailable’. Money has been debited from my account. I laughed, this is not the first time something sucks in my life.  If the payment would have been success I might have smiled.  But I laughed.  Fine! Believe me I am not insane.

Somebody told me that money would be remitted back in three days. 

“So now, Mr. Sathish, what you are going to do?” asked my conscious. 

“Hey I have a credit card” I replied.

“Bloody, you have not paid your last two months bill” complemented my conscious.

“So what! Add one more month to it” I confused my conscious.

 I booked my ticket and everything set for my first flight travel from Trivandrum to Chennai in Paramount domestic flight service. Supreme, which is what Paramount means, but who cares the meaning of the flight service. 

The day came, for my first flight.  My flight was at 6.20pm scheduled, so I started from my office early in the evening, may be out of enthusiasm on my first flight.  I hired an auto from Technopark (renowned IT park in Trivandrum), to Trivandrum airport.  On the way Mr. Auto driver started talking about his personal stories but everything went above my head since I was thinking about my fly.  He even gave him his phone number, to call him when I come back to Trivandrum again so that he will come to airport.  I anyways didn’t want to tell him that I will come back not by flight but by train. 

“These days flight crashes has been increasing, see, even last week there was a crash” said the auto driver

“Hmm, true, fate” I replied.

“Directly they will go to heaven, without even coming back no” giggled auto driver.

“Anna, shall I tell you something” I tapped his shoulder

“Yeah, tell me” auto driver replied

“Do not talk anything about flight and crash, else I should rethink about my journey and go back to office” I humbly told him

“Why sir, what happened, you do not like somebody talking negative things?” said the driver

“Should I tell him that this is my first fly” I thought

“This is the first time I am going to fly or at least I have a reason to visit the airport” I whispered to auto driver

“Oh! Ok, sorry sir” smiled Mr. Driver

Gosh! People have reasons to smile and reason to laugh and for us reason to interpret it.

In another 30 minutes we reached airport. 

“Call me if you come back sir”

“I mean if you come back to Trivandrum in flight” said the bloody auto driver

I walked to paramount service office; a guy welcomed me and made me sit.  It was a dark, dirty room and very untidy. Fueling to my fear, I saw a picture in the wall, a demon opening his mouth wide in the dark cloud, with some words which I cannot remember now, but meant climate is the first enemy for us to fly. 

“Sir didn’t you know the information?” service assistant spoke.

“Flight is delayed due to maintenance of the air craft, didn’t you get call from us” continued the assistant

“No” I replied.

“Ok sir, flight is delayed by 1 hour” the assistant made his statement. What should I tell him? I said ok and came back to the waiting area.  Few minutes later I got a call and when I picked it was from paramount call center/ service office.  I heard a gen voice, flight is delayed by 1 hour.  I told him, Ok what should I do now, the voice replied “Sir start little late to airport”. “Good, I am already there in airport” I replied with some tension in voice.  “Oh! Good sir” he replied and phone went numb.  “Bloody somebody tell me something good today” I screamed to myself.

...to be continued

Anatomy of Monotony…

Before I blabber something here, let me make a (sorry two) point, Anatomy I understand it as a investigation and Monotony I understand it as humdrum life style (not sure whether the word style suites here).

I wake up, get ready, start office, travel with strangers, reach office, and fall in to somebody’s emotion,  sometimes work, alike all act as if I am very good guy direct from heaven, get back home again acts as if I worked hard in office, eat, and sleep. Monotony.

I sense, monotony will disappears only when I stop bothering much about others, especially the surrounding, who I don’t even know, never ever spoke but still I bother to laugh without noise, smile without opening my mouth, use forks or spoon which I am not comfortable with, do not turn to a lovely girl you love just because the surroundings might think you are behind her (which could be true) and will enjoy grapevines about you.  I sensed the air never gets changed. 

I want to throw the forks away and smash the food in my hand.  I need to stop bothering about the people who could only talk, murmur something about me, and in few days somebody else will be caught on their eyes and he will be in soup. 

It’s said, people who talk rumors or put others in their grapevines are less prone to heart attacks.  Gosh! Good hearts live less time or what!

I hear people talk about others, they do this, they do that etc., and I don’t know what bothers.  I actually never had much time to think about what others do is right or wrong until it hurts me to the most.  And as usual I end up in conclusion that nobody is wrong or no body is right, possibly there will be difference in percentage.  Nothing to brag here, I am one among. 

We always thinking what others will think about us when we do this or that, but we forget others are there just for that moment, they will think about you just for a minute, may be for an hour and finally end up in thinking about someone else.   And we think as if all the strangers around will follow us throughout the life.  There is something called dignity, I don’t know what does it really means.  O! Dictionary says dignity as self-respect.  And we all forgot it and expect our self-respect from others, funny.

Nobody is afraid of failures, everybody is afraid of what others think when they fail.  Why do you care? 

Others will come, go and others will be always replaced by others.  If you want to express yourself express, swing and miss not a problem, do trials and errors what are you going to miss, bother less about others negatives and more about self positives.  You need not do good to others, they know how to take care of themselves just stay away from not doing something negative to them.  Enjoy grapevine but do not mix poison in it. 

Do not advice until asked, I know that.  Anything above is not an advice just a expression of thought or a vent.  

I love, therefore I am.

Who will cry when I die

I got into my bus to Pondicherry (now wait, I was to Pondicherry to Aurabindo ashram); I want to spend a day with myself, just me and me alone (I’m alright, still didn’t go insane). 

I got into the bus which was luxurious, comfortable but the very moment I sat “what if the bus meets with an accident? What if I die?” I thought.  Not an unusual question, which comes to my mind whenever I travel.  Still, I don’t stop traveling also ridiculously my mind never stopped thinking the same question.  But this time I have some courage to die, do not know the reason though.  Another thought came to mind, title of a book “Who will cry when you die?” O! Good question.  Who will cry when I die?

Immediately my mom came to my mind, who was always under the governance of my father after her marriage and atrocity of her father (of course, my so-called grandfather), who I never treated as a women who is controlled by a man or just a Mom who listen to her son (grown up) but allowed her to be and talk whatever she like to (though I do not listen sometime, at least I act).  She sometimes breaks my costly things and feels for it and I repeat my philosophy “they are just luxurious craps, made to be broken, not human hearts” just to make sure for her to feel that I am not like my father or her father.  When I die, who will be there for her to make her feel comfortable! For sure she will cry, but then days will pass on, she will get back to her life and repeat her quest, looking after her husband. 

Next, the lady who felt that I am bad just because I am behind her (of course the one I never thought of hurting), came to my thought again with gist of her gestures like panorama.  Will she cry?  This is a million dollar question for me (of course only she could answer). Or at least will she be happy that a bad guy died and will she curse me to hell.  And nobody will be behind her, nobody will wait for her, nobody will long for her sight, nobody will follow her (of course that bloody ‘nobody’ is me).   Do not worry I will not follow you as a ghost, or at least I do not believe ghost (but devil).

My best friend the only guy in my life with who my wave length matched (because both of us are a kind of freaks).  Who gave me lump in my throat when he got admitted in hospital, and I almost cried but still gave him my best freakish philosophies to cheer him up.  I know for sure he will cry for the (x+1) + (y-1)^th time(what is this? I don’t know but I just meant the rarest moment) in his life when I die. 

My team.  My best ever team, whom I disagree, yell, fight, show my disinterests but then, my people, my team, goodies I really love (only when you think of death you really come to know whom you love, pretty interesting).  My buddies who think (I guess) they can learn something from me and I finally end up in learning from them. 

My goodie, who always hangs over on me, my brother-like guy (more than just brother), my lead of course the guy who teaches me life, I always tell him that he is very strong in personal life (which I sucked), and the guy my Mr. humble and friendly, who sits behind me, to whom I share my most of life’s happenings, I always want him to tell him ‘your wife deserves you man’ and he is Mr. Nice guy.  And two more young chaps, one who I always pull his leg and still remembers his brother when I punch him, and another brother-like buddy, who never hesitated to drop me in my station, bloody bike lover.  Oh! How could I forget Mr. Question, I loved his questions (though sometimes it screws) and for the first time in my life I see everybody likes the spell ‘Idiot’.  And Mr. Atheist, who always clicks like button to my facebook posts and who loves arguing on controversial topics, I loved his argument most of the time.  Mr. Attitude (Attitude, here I mean in positive tone), who always comes his time and leaves his time, and so humble, silent and I never told him how much I like him.  A new chap, though I liked him only after shaving his French beard (just kidding) enthusiastic guy, not sure whether he likes me or not, but I do.  Aha, only two ladies caught among gentlemen’s in the team.  One, my best friend-type, who is up to me, is the height of patience and sincerity and a good friend or a sister-type to share life’s lessons. And  the other lively lady who do not even like to message or ping anybody in messenger but prefers to go talk or call (sometimes bit loud) them and who do not have patience to check facebook, I wanted to tell her I like her liveliness.   Many a times I wanted to tell everybody that wherever I go and if I see something suddenly one among you come to mind thinking ‘you will like this’.  I know, for sure will at least pray for me to RIP (Mr. Atheist, do this for me, for the last time in your life time)

And a lady, to whom I want ask her pardon, for sure she will cry.  Wonderful, how many people I gathered for me. 

I opened my eyes and the bus almost reached Pondicherry.  O! I didn’t die! Fine let me go back, so that they will cry after seeing me back .

Where is enjoyment?

A serious discussion happened in between our team when we are still in our cubicles, Why life? What is enjoyment? Where is enjoyment?
Will alcohol give enjoyment? Yes for very little moment but you will regret once it reacts on your stomach and when you feel to puke, you feel never to touch the dirty thing again. Enjoyment gets diminished there.

What if you smoke? Will it give you enjoyment? Yeah may be for very few seconds and suddenly your mind starts thinking of the adverse effect of smoking, the mails you receive on the effect of smoking, the picture in the cigar box. There enjoyment will die.

Okay. What if looking around, watching out girls? Hmm, good thought process but when somebody among them looks like the one who ditched you or the one you ditched, enjoyment sucks. Or if you’re in love, your conscious will ask you a pretty bad question, what if she does the same? Ridiculous, Bloody hell of a human conscious! It is even worse if you’re married, along with your conscious, the genuine bachelor standing next to you will tell you “boss, you’re married”. Gosh.

Hmm! Then where the hell is the enjoyment?

Up to me at least; life’s enjoyment or happiness is not in big things, you need not search. Say, you’re eating an ice cream, in few minutes melted cream decorates your lovely figure. Ouch! Sorry, post lunch problem, I was about to say finger.
Okay. What will you do what your intensely tend to taste the flowing cream which decorated your fingers (I woke, it is ‘finger’). You look around, and you have to maintain your pride, so-called manners, et cetra and finally end up wiping it with a tissue paper. I would say taste it, taste the ice cream flowing on your fingers, and just listen to the intense feel what your heart says. It is there what you’re searching, you feel complete, and that’s where enjoyment is.

Life’s enjoyment lies in small things, which you love to do.

Sorry for being very philosophical. But I love to be ;-)

Have some courage to live

When you desire your dream, your love:

Your patience will be put under test, your reputation will go for a task, you will be frightened with words, you will be hurt with, by the feel of guilt, your good-will will be sued, your heart will be pushed to decided to go into doom, your vanity will be punctured, fear of loss will frighten you, you will feel that all the time is wasted which could have spent on something productive but you know you wouldn't have, you lose heart, will decide to stop dreaming, will decide to kill your desire and even sometime yourself, will assume dream is fake and desire is humbug, you will feel life as no meaning, you conclude you have lost everything is life you gathered so far.

 

Now stop here. Do not give up. Fight one more time.

Fear, but do what you fear, that is the only way to overcome fear. Reputation is not what you thing about yourself, it’s something you think, about what others think about you, bull-shit, do not bother. You know what you are, you need not prove you're good to everybody who just come across, do not fear of losing people because you just need four people to carry you to grave, gain that sincere four who knows you what you're. Fight one more time every time you fail, you may end up hurting what you love but need not worry, the what you love, you will celebrate it once you get it. Never ever give up. Do not listen to the suggestions of paranoids. Your life is yours, nobody know what you think, what you dream, world conspires helping you only when you keep following your dream.

You do not know when your heart will stop beating, at least till then listen to what your hearts say, listen to what it talks, sometimes it talks very negative, let it talk, poor heart, even it requires a vent. Once it finishes all its parano-idotism it will be an inverted paranoid. Know that there is a death, because only knowledge of death will give you wisdom to live. Live the life; do not listen to suggestion of who really really do not know what you're and what your hearts talk.

Have some courage to live. That is what all I say myself, whenever my experiments sucks.

I am courageous, therefore I am.
-sat